7 Bullshit Ideas That Hold Men Back

cow

Uncertainty is the thing that separates an effective lifestyle from one of trepidation and inaction. Each gender has its own series of limiting beliefs, and certainly both men and women share a lot of the same issues. However, through the vantage point of men’s interests, there are some reoccurring themes I notice among guys who otherwise want to improve their lifestyles, but are unfortunately stuck with the wrong, bullshit ideas running in circles in their minds like an endless NASCAR circuit. Bad philosophies make us double-think important decisions, inhibit decision making, or turn toward sour, negative thoughts.

7 – I’m Too Old to Do X, Y, Z.

The origin of this limiting belief is, definitely, the media. Somewhere in the backs of every guy’s minds is the idea of fame and fortune. As a society that celebrates youth above all else (an illusion created by advertisers), we tend to believe that arriving at a high-level of success is proportional to youth. This belief is reinforced by pop-stars and young, dashing actors on TV, or another example: FORTUNE magazine’s “40 under 40” profiling the young and successful.

The problem with this way of thinking is that it contradicts reality. The truth is that we’re all getting older. A man who’s 21 today will inevitably turn 30, and then 40. Nobody gets out of this, except for those who die young.

While the media props up images of the young, there are many more examples of the “older and successful”: for instance, Colonel Sanders didn’t open his first KFC restaurant until he was over 60 years old. As for glamorous jobs like acting, think of people like Peter Dinklage, now a superstar thanks to the HBO series Game of Thrones. Until age 40, he was virtually off the map.

6 – I Have to Act My Age

Here’s the next topic on the subject of ageism. In my life, I’ve met old men under 23 years-old—they dress in a very drab way, remain non-assuming and barely have any blood in their veins. I’ve also met 70+ year-old men who you’d feel totally cool partying with at a beach bonfire.

The people most affected by this limiting belief are guys who come from families that reinforce it. The most damage occurs when guys are told to “grow up” for pursuing passions or non-linear paths to success.

While age may create physical differences, a big part of it involves how you act. I don’t encourage acting immaturely, but likewise I don’t think it’s good to pigeonhole oneself into some pre-ordained set of behaviors judged by society as drab enough to be considered “mature”, whether that involves tucking your polo-shirts into your Khaki shorts, hanging out at the country club, or having your tattoos removed by laser because you think you’ve outgrown them.

5 – I Cannot Redefine Myself

This involves the idea that a person is set into a specific framework that cannot be altered. A banker is a banker, an accountant is an accountant, an unemployed “loser” is a “loser”. By contrast, it’s possible to be multi-faceted. In fact, it’s far healthier to be diversified. If you place all your stakes into some archetype you’ve created for yourself, what happens if that archetype is ruined?

For instance, a banker is a banker—until the banker is fired. What will he do then without an identity, besides retreat into a nervous breakdown? There’s ways to break out of this thinking, and one way is to create a career for yourself that’s an off-shoot of whatever you currently do, promote yourself with a website, and use it to help define what you believe in or stand for.

4 – I Have No Sexual Options

The crux of the whole “seduction” movement on the Internet is reaching out to guys who usually begin with this predisposition, and then they try to turn it 180 degrees. Again, it seems I can link this back to a type of ageist paranoia. The crux of this belief is that sex, girlfriends, and parties exist for guys age 25 and under. After that you need to be settled down and happily married, or you’re pretty much fucked. Ever meet guys in a rush to join the American dream?

What happens? Guys everywhere race to get married before they’re even ready to do so. This is bad news. What if I told you that if you’re perfectly happy with yourself, you never have to get married? What if I also told you that when you don’t need to tie the knot with anybody is when you’re paradoxically in the best psychological shape to settle down?

In addition, by learning how to gain sexual personality characteristics, any guy at any age can be attractive. Limited beliefs about dating within your age bracket or within your “league” are all misconceptions that lead to low-quality partners and North America’s absurd divorce rates.

3 – People Are Above Me or Beneath Me

Both ends of this spectrum of belief hold men back from their potential. The belief that people are above you prevents you from making necessary connections in life. If you feel you’re somehow not “worthy” to mingle with people who are more successful than you, then you’ll never get out of the place you currently dwell.

Likewise, as soon as you adopt the idea that people are beneath you—anybody—from shop clerks to homeless people—you’re entering a negative territory that’s hard to get out of. You’re also perpetuating a type of classism that doesn’t benefit anybody.

In regard to women and dating, avoid the belief that a woman is “below” you for not meeting certain physical characteristics. You might be surprised who you get along with, and who you don’t. Don’t be one of those guys who goes through a mall snickering to himself as he passes girls whose “knees are too sharp” or “hips are too big”—and especially don’t use that as an excuse to avoid talking to people.

2 – I Can Wait for Opportunities

As the band Muse would say: “Don’t waste your time, or time will waste you.” There’s no waiting for opportunities, whether this involves your love life, your career, or just the things you want to accomplish in life. This drum-roll is what keeps me from spending inordinate amounts of time doing things that are not advancing me forward (excessive television, video-games, porn, cute animals on YouTube).

The way life really works is you have to place yourself in the right moment, at the right time. Sometimes this is as simple as dragging yourself out of the house and going to a nightclub, a party, or any other location that involves mingling and meeting new people.

The same goes, obviously, for women. Women rarely approach men (although with the right “magnet game” philosophy I teach, this can happen, but I digress). As a result, every-time a woman smiles at you, and you shy away, or rationalize “maybe I’ll see her again someday”, you’ve just betrayed yourself by eliminating a possible opportunity.

1 – Worth is Based on Money

One of the most infectious limited beliefs is related to status, personal value, and money. I’ve seen guys judge their value as a human based on their net-worth and annual salaries. Wow. This is a terrible way to think. It makes you pursue success for the wrong reasons, and you adopt a very negative, black-and-white view of society, assigning value to “haves” and sneering at “have-nots”.

People without much spiritual purpose in life tend to replace what would otherwise be wholesome values with a worth = money outlook. Maybe the root of all evil is not necessarily money, or the love of money, but assigning fake moral value to societal perceptions of success.

In reality, what matters is what you’re doing with your time, not how much you’re pulling in. So, if you’re making $5,000 a year and you live with your parents, then that’s not so bad if your waking hours are spent advancing what you feel is your contribution to the world (that, and you have a plan out of your parent’s house, obviously). If, on the other hand, your free time is spent indulging on a bong, then you’re misguided and you do deserve to be yelled at for letting your life slip between your fingers.

In Summary

To summarize a lot of my points, check out this video by Craig Ferguson as he explains “why everything sucks”. Enjoy!

[youtube id=”UKUZ42T9diU” width=”600″ height=”350″] (YouTube embeds appear temporarily down, working on it! – CK)

Comments

  1. Great read, Cyrus.

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