Note: this is part of chapter 5 of my book “The Ultimate Men’s Dating Advice Book”. If you’d like to read the entire program, you can view it off the Amazon website with one click (and a couple of bucks) via this link.
There’s a lot of reasons why guys tend to get friend-zoned, and it’s not always about what you think.
Sometimes, it’s because she doesn’t like you. This is a true and hard fact of life; not every woman is for you, and some are turned off by almost everything about you—even if you like them.
But, that’s not always the reason. Other times, she has a boyfriend or some guy in her midst who she’s “saving herself” for.
Other times, it’s because she had her heart broken and feels emotionally damaged. So, she now pushes new guys out of her life so that she is not hurt again (or, puts them squarely in the friend zone).
Sometimes a woman doesn’t like how you look. Some girls refuse to date anybody other than Mr. Big from Sex and the City (they are usually waiting until their hair turns grey).
But you get the point.
So if you DO get friend-zoned, it’s not always a big deal and it’s not always about “you”. Fortunately, don’t believe the myth that being “just friends” with a woman is actually a bad thing.
In fact, if you think there’s something wrong about being “just friends”, your romantic life is going to SUFFER because this is an unhealthy way of looking at the world. Believe it or not, I’d even suggest to SEEK female friends before you even try to get a girlfriend, as this step may bring more women into your life than you know what to do with.
Nonetheless, if you are getting friend-zoned repeatedly, it means there’s something wrong with your game. Likely, you’re afraid to “pull the trigger”, cautious about “sealing the deal”, and so you’re stuck in one gear, spinning your wheels in the dirt.
So, it’s time to address this issue. Don’t worry, it’s the number one challenge guys face with this stuff.
Changing the Dynamic into Romantic and Sexual
A kiss is a very powerful tool.
In my experience, there is no other way to really turn a new friend or acquaintance into, suddenly, the person you’re “dating” unless you start making out with her.
People forget that making out is an intense emotional experience. Do it once, and everything changes.
But it’s also the point that all of the pieces are on the table. Going for the kiss is when you’ll know if she’s interested in dating you or not.
For this reason, it’s important to seek out the first kiss without delay. The more time that you spend prolonging the kiss, the more likely you’ll end up in “friend zone”.
However, many guys get caught up on this step. The reason is because it CAN be a bit nerve wracking to make that move. However, it’s also exhilarating, and regardless of the outcome, there’s nothing to be ashamed about.
How and When to Kiss Her
Your first date should not end without the kiss. Nor should you wait until the end of the date. The best time to kiss her is when you’re thinking about doing it, or when you feel any kind of positive, sexual tension between the both of you.
If you have a chance to sit close to her, or perhaps when she’s sitting across from you in your car, then it’s as good a time as ever to kiss her.
It’s not too complicated. Lean in for a moment and say “Hey”. She will ask “Huh?” and you just have to peck her on the mouth, pause a moment, and see how she reacts.
If she’s very resistant, or quickly pretends like nothing happened, that’s a pretty good indication that the date isn’t working out. Fortunately, this seems to only happen in the minority of situations; more often if there’s a bit of chemistry, she will kiss you back. Sometimes, she’ll rip your clothes off.
So, if you’re wondering how to avoid the “friend zone”, this is it. Keep in mind that kissing her probably won’t work unless she’s at least enjoying herself in your company. If she seems tense, uninterested, and wanting to go home—you’re better off cutting your losses.
So, just gauge it with your common sense. Remember, if a girl is flirting with you, acting playful, goofy, or childlike—this means she’s very much into you. If you do NOT kiss her, then you are making a terrible mistake and you deserve to get friend zoned if it happens!
What Happens if She Rejects You
It’s inevitable that going in for the kiss sometimes does not work out. Well, don’t panic about it, and don’t take offense. What I would do is just be very honest. If she reacts in a way that’s a bit startled, or she says “that was very sudden”, don’t apologize. Just tell her something like: “I just wanted to find out if we had chemistry or not.”
If a girl says “You’re moving too fast”, understand that this is her attempting to politely tell you that she’s not attracted to you . If she were attracted, you could move as fast as a cat on a roof, and she wouldn’t care.
So, this means dust yourself off and move forward. One thing she WILL do, in retrospect, is admire you for making a move. You see, most guys won’t make a move even after the second or third dates.
If you’re still really bothered by a kiss-gone-wrong, then you might want to pick up a copy of my book The Success Principles of Failure and learn how to shake off rejections with ease and prowess.
I thought about writing a chapter about sex. But, in a way it’s kind of pointless. The reason is because either you’re romantically, intimately involved, or you’re not. I assume your goal is to have a great connection with a woman, and to take it to whatever outcome you desire.
But you will never achieve a sexual relationship unless you confront that tension, and go for the first kiss. If you need more assistance with the physical act of sex, well I promise you there’s a lot of resources available to help you with that on Amazon / Kindle.
Honestly, it’s best to focus on communication. Both through the introduction of sex into your relationship, and also about what she finds pleasurable (and what you do, as well). By focusing on this, sex should never be much of an issue for you.
Don’t be a guy who only seeks sex to gain self-esteem points. Most women don’t appreciate this behavior, and prioritizing “getting lucky” is going to sabotage you.
Introducing physical intimacy through kissing is the key to a successful date. Don’t hesitate in this regard. Your entire effort at dating will be for nothing if you don’t make a move.
It doesn’t have to be a stressful event. In fact, it’s the most fun you’ll have, and there’s no greater feeling in the world then that first kiss with somebody new. So, enjoy it, and celebrate it.
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