Alpha male is a popular buzzword these days (I even wrote a book dissecting the topic). However, let’s be clear that alpha behavior has little in common with overly-macho, aggressive or insecure attitudes. The very concept of “alpha” is also shaky.
In social situations, we can observe men with high-levels of social prowess and charisma. Comparably, the dominant wolf in a pack is also the leader who looks out for the female wolves and beta males.
These comparisons only apply marginally to the human world. The charismatic guy at the party may be considered an “alpha”, as could the DJ who controls all of the attention in the room; however when a guy deliberately tries to be what he considers an alpha man, there are many pitfalls to be careful of.
Here are some signs you’re not really alpha, but just another insecure dude:
- You are afraid to be vulnerable.
What is vulnerability? The definition changes per person. It could be fear to show you’re not an expert at something. Or, fear of showing that you’re visibly upset about something. It doesn’t make you stoic, it makes you seem afraid of yourself. Not alpha.
- You think you’re superior to other men, or to women.
Belief that you’re superior to somebody else is the quickest way to demonstrate that you’re not superior to anything. If you don’t have a strong sense of equality, then the impression people will get of you is that you’re over-compensating. This could manifest as putting “weaker” men down, or a belief that women are inferior to you.
- You bypass social queues to pickup women.
Sure, it’s good to approach women and to express your sexual intent. But, some men take this to the next level. As soon as they see a woman they’re even slightly attracted to, they feel the need to push past everybody else and go harass her while she’s having a quiet dinner with her boyfriend at a restaurant. You’re not being alpha, you’re being annoying.
- You place your value as a man on working out.
It’s good to work out and look good. As a man, it’s something you need to do. But many men get obsessed with it. They spend half their lives in the gym. They start to develop a complex of self-hatred when they see other men more ripped than them. Seriously? You can be skinny and high-value as much as you can be ripped and high-value. Stop looking at other men with bicep envy. It’s not cool.
- Your first instinct is to antagonize a fight, not diffuse it.
Absolutely no martial artist in existence teaches the value of provoking a fight before diffusing it. Fight when you need to. Fight when you’re cornered or you or someone you know is threatened. But if it’s a pointless, ego-based conflict–like some dude tools you at a bar, then you are NOT being some type of macho dude because you throw a chair at him. You’ll get kicked out of the bar and look like an unstable jackass in the process.
- You talk about yourself a lot.
What confident person can you think of who constantly drones on about himself? None. I live in Hollywood right now. It’s amazing how many people out here will immediately switch the topic to their trophies and the time they appeared in the background of Transformers 2. No one cares. Trying to make yourself seem important makes you seem unimportant.
In Summary
Get over yourself. “Trying” to be an alpha could be a highway to some very insecure behavior. You may have the best intentions for yourself in mind, but be careful of what your thoughts are actually manifesting as.
