Probably everything you think you know about “game” is wrong. That is if your experience is only cursory level information via popular companies like RSD and their endless YouTube videos.
To illustrate how regular “game” can lead a man astray, consider your time in school. Do you remember the kid who “tried” to be funny? Now, compare him to the kid who “was” funny. One was a horrific loser and the other, cool and popular.
Pickup artistry is not as extreme. At least initially, if the material merely pushes you out of the house and approaching women, that’s a great thing. However, big problems arise when game evolves your intentions into an attempt to “get” results and, like in the schoolyard, “try” to be something. (Seductive n this case instead of funny.)
I was caught in that paradigm for years without even knowing it. Reading “The Game” when it released (I was about 19) hurt my skills with women for a long time.
How the Page Was Turned
You have to completely embrace the paradoxical nature of behavior. That you can get closer to what you want often by going further away from it. The kid in the schoolyard will only devolve the more he “tries” to be funny. When he steps back and works on his personality and character organically, he may finally “become” funny. As he possesses the intention to be funny he’s more likely to end up genuinely funny.
Game theories are infectious because they can deeply seed intentions to “try” to be seductive or to “get” the girl, and the state of “trying” naturally sabotages your efforts. This is why some of the most socially awkward men I’ve ever met have slithered out of PUA lairs.
The solution for me involved a long period of game “detox” until my interactions with women no longer had what were clearly ulterior motives. This meant no longer being conscious of what I was saying with the hope that those things said would get me a little “closer” to my goal (pussy, validation, etc.) That means no seeding, obviously placed false time constraints, consciously “negging” or trying for “push / pull” techniques, or ANY technique for that matter.
I took upon a very simple frame of mind (and yes, I learned this from Alex over at Four Week Natural on YouTube, so that’s my shout-out): “I am enough.” Every bit of subtle incongruent behavior has roots in a sense of not being enough, and the essence of not being enough typically traces to childhood, rejections, and things of that nature.
Fortunately, for me, escaping that programming was as simple as flipping a switch.
So, if I approach a woman now, the only mindset that needs to be activated is “I am enough, whatever I say is enough for her to like me, whatever I do is good enough.”
(This mindset, if I am in it properly, also makes “approach anxiety” disappear.)
This is layered on top of fundamentals that shouldn’t involve the subject of seduction but are general give-ins: conversational skills (focusing on them, not yourself), body language, presentational abilities (including dress), and the ability to monitor social cues (know when she’s giving a signal, know where to take the conversation).
“Game” That’s Left: Logistics and Closing
Cover the above bases, and the only real “game” to require practice is knowing logistics and how / when to “close.” Are you trying to hook up and can you get her back to your place successfully? Can you plan a date on the spot or the next day? Should you go in to kiss her?
Those skills require planning, thought, and experience. For instance, as a rule of thumb, if you’re going to kiss her, do it after she’s sent several clear signals your way, like touching your arm or leaning near you. It’s also powerful to lean close as if you are going to kiss her, but just keep talking, as this builds sexual tension.
The BIG Point
However, above all else, it’s VITAL to be “gaming” – talking to women – for the enjoyment of it, NOT because you are “trying” for something. Or else, once again, you’re the schoolboy “trying” to be funny.
So this means quite literally REMOVING the ideas from your mind, including all semblance of ulterior motive, and becoming as PRESENT as possible, above all else focusing on HER and your company with her. This alone is actually highly seductive.
A woman I was talking to recently (a fashion model, to be exact) dropped this bomb on me in the midst of a (successful) encounter, “I’ve never had a man pay so much attention to me like you before.”
The only issue I’m left with these days, and it’s a serious issue, is when women confess their undying love the next day. It’s a legitimate problem having these skills, and trying to stay single so I can do things like travel and work on my business.
The reality is having a girlfriend, especially in Los Angeles, can be absurdly expensive. My goal right now is to get re-situated in a specific city, with the types of women I ultimately prefer, before I entertain a long term girlfriend. This could be Bangkok, Warsaw, Prague, who knows (I haven’t made up my mind.)
Nonetheless, the issue of women falling in love with me is still better than the alternative. You see, some pickup artists are successful at, essentially, manipulating their way into drunk women’s pants. They insta-pull one night stands, where the sex is often bland (versus fiery), and the woman is generally regretful the next day. The PUA brags on some forum about his conquest, convinces himself he feels satisfied, and gets ready to do it all again.
As a result, you get PUA coaches who yes, by the numbers, have slept with enormous amounts of women, probably far more than I ever will, yet the quality is so bad and the experiences so mediocre to negative, I just don’t see how this can be the standard of success — except for grooming one’s ego.
Anyone is better off shaking “game” out of their systems and to seek to be a “natural” as I describe it. Regular “game” is not “training wheels” necessary to get started – rather it’s behaviors that could take years to eliminate if you’re not careful, and especially if you learn them at a developmental time in life (as I did early in college.)
