How to Flirt: Why it’s Really a Mindset

flirtingFlirting is probably one of the greatest mysteries of the modern world. What is it? How do you do it? It would seem everybody has a different conception about how to flirt, and what it even is. Opinions range from technical descriptions (“maintain eye contact and smile”) to logistics (“brush past her and make physical contact”) to techniques (“tease her”).

I feel wary of all these concepts. In reality, flirting is actually even less complicated than these descriptions. Flirting is really just sexual communication, and the way to do it is entirely dependent on one thing: mutual interest. That’s right, the interest has to be mutual, therefore flirting is not a technique to win a woman’s favor. The equation is simple: a girl is interested in you, you’re interested in her back, and communication should naturally turn to flirting. And, the great news is that flirting can be nearly instantaneous.

When you get in the mindset, knowing how to flirt can be the greatest tool in your arsenal. If the idea is mutual attraction, then the key is to assume there is attraction among the women you want to flirt with, and with this idea firmly rooted in your mind–simply begin a normal interaction, and watch what happens. More often than not, this split second process will result in the truest flirting that will coat your normal words like a beautiful icing.

And, if despite your best effort she does not feel mutually attracted, you’ll know because your communication will not be electrified with that sexual energy. This is fine, just move on. However, as you become more socially acclimated, it will become easier to immediately pick up on a “ping back” of signals, and you’ll be able to even gauge it or increase the tension, as necessary.

The reason I am writing this post is because the other day I was at some cafe out in Beverly Hills. I walked in and, for fun, started telling the cafe girl my order with the assumption that we were both into each other. I did not say or do anything differently, but my all-powerful, unseen “vibe” had changed to one of not just interest in her–but assumed mutual interest between both of us. That’s it. A simple, subtle adjustment of my attitude.

So what happened? She started giggling like somebody ran up behind her and was tickling her. For the entire time she waited on me there was this unspoken “thing” going on between us. It’s really a very “magical” feeling that is priceless. And, the remarkable aspect about flirting is that it requires such little effort to create that spark.

Of course, you DO need to be “confident”, or rather present and in the moment as you assume this mindset. If you walk into a cafe thinking “Ok, I am going to FLIRT now. Time to get ready!” you’ve already blown it because you’re over analyzing!

Your vibe has to be positive, and your head has to be clear. If you’re having trouble doing this, I suggest meditation, visualization, and learning ways to shake off the stress, helping you to interact with people.

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