I don’t think anybody likes the term “PUA” (pickup artist) anymore because it’s ridiculous. But, I still see guys using PUA principles in an effort to become better men or cure long romantic dry spells. Some of these behaviors still crop up even if the “PUA” culture is mostly on the way out. In this case the only thing you need to pick up is your right-hand and slap yourself silly if any of the following applies:
- Putting Pussy on a Pedestal: The mantra of the pickup scene was always: get laid to be popular, get laid to earn respect. Most of us who were brought into the game by naivete learned that this mentality creates the diametric opposite of results. At the end of the day sex isn’t really that important, and sometimes it’s even a hassle. The West has made sex and scoring with genetically gifted women into something 10x more important than it ever really was. This is mostly because of advertising / Matrix thinking. Young guys often think like this anyway, and the PUA scene just exacerbated it.
- Going to Nightclubs: Most people with any social experience eventually learn how going to nightclubs is a huge waste of time. Both PUA books (including “The Game”) and modern pop culture stresses how nightclubs are some mecca where guys get laid and super cool dudes are born. Nothing could be further from the truth.
- Treating Women as Conquests: This is something I still see on certain Manosphere sites and it’s one of the reasons I made Developed Man, because I got extremely frustrated reading blog posts by certain authors who I felt were respectable, but were still calling women “targets”. Coaching guys a lot back in 2012, I discovered how this mindset is infectious and turns guys into social robots, which leads to…
- Treating Women as a Different Species: Some guys back in the PUA scene could never last long in intimate relationships because they never really wrapped their minds around the fact that despite some biologically different impulses in regard to attraction, men and women are the same (humans). This also manifests among a few misogynistic offshoots of the Manosphere who have taken “bros before hos” to a new level of extreme. All of these ideas are not only unhealthy, but hurt your chances at relationships.
- Obsession With Some Certain Type of “Hot Girl”: The PUA mentality had a lot of guys obsessed with proving their manliness to the world by going from geek to banging an “HB10″. What they don’t realize is that the sex and possible subsequent relationships are a lot more fulfilling if you think more about factors like: compatibility, her emotional intelligence, her honesty, and virtues. A woman who’s more down to earth is also far less likely to play games, initiate insanity / drama, or keep you running in circles.
- Not Going to Social Events: When I was a college sophomore enticed by PUA material, I had read that “hot game” was like “cheating” and real men had to learn to “cold approach” women in various awkward settings. Total nonsense. This idea was spun so that guys buy more products. Nightclub game is hard for social beginners. Furthermore, daygame can be equally intimidating. By comparison expanding your social circle is easy and is guaranteed to bring women into your life. Go to charity events, Meetup.com groups, or host your own stuff. Meet lots of people, throw “openers” out the window, and just expand your social circle as your number one priority. Later on it’s good to test your comfort zone with meeting strangers in daylight settings, but don’t pin your entire love and sex life on it.
- Pretending: The good sites on the “Manosphere” these days are committed to what I call the Men’s Self Development Movement. This has nothing to do with pretending to be someone cool. The PUA paradigm taught guys from day one to “fake it”. You’re geeky and socially awkward? Then buy really nice clothes and make up a bunch of stories about yourself. This advice is epically bad.
- Practicing “Game” When You Don’t Need To: I saved this one for last, because I used to see guys do this *a lot*. Game is really social confidence and projecting yourself as a strong man, which women find attractive. That’s ALL it is. “Game” with quotation marks is rehearsing weird tips from books that don’t work. This might be acceptable in a venue full of strangers, but I used to see guys doing this shit in their offices, at parties, or among friends. You don’t need to “game” girls in these instances. It makes you seem like a loser at best, and a creepy fucking weirdo at worst. Not acting “normal” and putting on some type of weird front to talk to women is social suicide, and your friends will stop inviting you to parties and mixers. Guaranteed.
I hope my bit of tough love will put the nail in the coffin of your potential PUA habits, if you are unfortunate enough to have picked any up as you read men’s interest sites. For fun, I’d like to hear from you about the worst examples you’ve personally seen of guys awkwardly behaving like pickup artists. Leave a comment below.
Oh yeah, don’t forget you can e-mail me personally at this link, for any reason (except to spam me with Viagra advertisements. I don’t really need viagra at this stage in my life)
