To be rejected by a girl is not a fun experience. Nobody likes rejection, because nobody wants to be reminded, directly or indirectly, of inferiority. This is the one human element that seems to cause the most damage, enough so that children rejected from an early age by peers or parents often grow up to develop a multitude of psychological disorders.
This is because your self-impression skills, at an early age, are like silly putty. You don’t have a firm grounding of who you are, what you want to be, and where you’re at now. Without a concrete sense of self, external influence becomes the determining factor of your personality and decisions. If the external feedback is mostly negative, it will result in a very dark self-image, and this creates spiritual conflict.
Rejection by girls tops the list of problems guys face, and rejection at an early age seems to be what destroys a man’s dating life much later on. This is sometimes attributed to bad experiences in high-school, where that catty 16 year-old cheerleader tells some poor schmuck who just built up enough bravery to go talk to her to “fuck off”.
As an example of the damage this stuff causes, I’ve met a lot of people lately who call themselves “incel”, or involuntarily celibate, which is a term for men who cannot find a girl to save their lives, and if an opportunity does arise—they blow it because of fear of intimacy or cynicism about sex.
The reason some men become this bad is, I think, a vicious cycle of rejection. One negative experience parlays into the next incident, and then when a girl is finally interested, the suffering guy is too skeptical that it’s for real, and he will shrug it off. These types of guys also take rejection VERY personally, having become sensitized to it from a young age.
OK, so I’m guessing your situation is not quite this bad (or even bad at all), however you might be wondering what’s up with your persistent dry spell. These rejection cycles can actually happen to normal guys who otherwise have no problems finding girlfriends, but suddenly a few bad experiences accumulate, and they find themselves afraid to approach new women because of anxiety that another negative incident will happen.
As it turns out, a cycle of rejection is really inside the minds of the people who take it personally. What if I told you that MOST of the time, rejection doesn’t really exist at all? I don’t mean this as in a positive-thinking “every failure is a win” self-help cheer, I mean literally when a girl is rejecting you, she has an entirely different set of ideas in her head, and none of those are “I don’t like this guy, he looks ugly, and he’s not my type”.
The Primary Reason for Being Rejected by a Girl
And the main reason is… she’s not available romantically.
That’s it. Did you know MOST women have boyfriends or husbands? Especially good looking women with great personalities. It’s basic sexual economics.
So, she might be with her girlfriends at a club, having some fun, and she might entertain the notion of flirting with a guy, but when push comes to shove—and the guy is trying to escalate things to the next level, a woman with the slightest amount of ethics is going to excuse herself to the bathroom or otherwise try to escape the situation before she becomes tempted to do something she will REALLY regret.
Given this fact, i’s wrong to think rejection is always a bad thing. Do you really want to tempt some chick into ruining her relationship? You don’t know anything about her life. Maybe her boyfriend sat at her bedside as she underwent chemotherapy, and maybe she’s decided she’s going to marry him. Who are you to come into the mix and announce you’re a better pick for her?
The only way to solve these rejections is to go to a city where there’s an abundance of single women. For that, I’d say New York City or Los Angeles, because this is where women go off alone and have to rebuild their social circles. This is why it’s so much easier to date in these big cities versus smaller towns where so many ladies find their guys in high-school or college.
When REAL Rejection Happens
Being rejected by a girl sometimes occurs in a way that is clearly NOT the above category. And, I think when most men have traumatizing rejection experiences, it’s related to one of the following types of rejections:
Let’s Just Be Friends
This is when you are placed into “friend zone” for not exhibiting any type of sexual masculine traits. If you appear needy or sucking value from her, she won’t give you the time of day. This is where dating science comes in, where you must learn to become a more sexually appealing suitor to minimize the incidents of LJBF.
Fuck Off, Creep!
Finally, we have arrived full-circle to the traumatizing type of rejection that sends men into celibacy. Yes, this type of rejection happens, and there’s a primary cause: undeveloped, low-quality women.
There’s a reason this type of stuff happens in high-school or even college, because groups of girls can be extremely catty and mean. For that matter, groups of guys can be huge assholes, as well. It’s just part of growing up.
In a weird culture, like school (and school IS a weird culture, disconnected from reality in many ways), things like “who’s into who” is a shrewd source of gossip, and social circles / cliques rule the roost. At my old university, which was a major Greek life epicenter, if you’re a guy, try talking to one of the sorority chicks. Just try. Unless you’re in a frat that she likes, you will NOT be given the time of day, no matter WHO you are.
So immature, undeveloped women are to blame for these types of damaging reactions, Unless, of course, you’re a really pushy pickup artist type, going into a club and running a stream of semi-hostile negs and pathetic scripted lines. Then, even a single, available woman might react in a hostile way. To avoid this, you have to develop your game and smooth out your approaches, but it’s still nothing to take personally.
In Summary
And so, now we understand the phenomenon of rejection. Most of the time, it’s not even a rejection at all. And, the cause of so many men who fear rejection and suffer with low self-esteem around women is typically a result of brushing unfortunate paths with immature, undeveloped girls during brief forays in high-school, which results in long-term, but wholly unnecessary, psychological damage.
And yes, sometimes those immature girls grow up and never turn into respectful women, but that’s not your problem, is it?
The one type of rejection that is far more relevant is after you’ve been dating her, and you are being chronically dumped by new women that come into your life. These episodes may be related to how she feels about your finances, whether or not you want to have a committed relationship, if you’re turning her on or not by exhibiting sexual qualities, and a host of other factors. But, that’s a whole other topic, saved for another article.
The final lesson to share with all of this: pay attention to signals. When a woman is smiling at you, and acting very chatty, she’s communicating to you that she’s available. If you’re looking for a girlfriend, do NOT ignore these signals. If she’s sending you an invitation, you won’t be rejected.
See you next time!
