Most people who care about their success in life are competitive. In fact, lot of things we do are competitive in some way. Meeting women may also be a competitive sport for you, whether you’re aware of this or not.
I’d characterize a competition framework for your love life in the following ways. Remember, this is a two-way street–it’s something that women engage in just as often, if not more, than men do.
- Seeking the best or “hottest” woman according to the standards of other people.
- Attempting to acquire a woman who is in heavy demand (with a lot of guys chasing her), because you’re motivated by the sport / challenge of it.
- Over-emphasis on physical appearance. In other words, rejecting a woman on apparent flaws (“her feet are too big”), sort of like a judge at a dog show.
- Obsession with skill and prowess in picking up strangers (obsession with PUA material).
- Constantly thinking about these concepts in relation to other people’s success. Like feeling jealous or competitive when you see another guy with a higher quality girl than yours.
Why This is a Problem
I hypothesize that competitive dating frameworks are responsible for high divorces in the USA. It shouldn’t take a long essay to explain why this could happen, or why the above mindsets are toxic.
One of the issues that may occur is that it can give a man an over-exalted sense of self-worth. Because he is competing against society’s standards, such a man would find it an insult to “settle” for a woman who doesn’t look like a model, porn star, or at least just very conventionally attractive.
Meanwhile, some men really just need to get over their sexual hang-ups; get laid a few times; cure their dry-spells, etc. Guess what? It’s monumentally more difficult to do this if you, as maybe an average looking dude on an average (or below) salary, will only even put a woman on your radar if she looks like a movie star.
Meanwhile, there’s endless amounts of normal-but-still-pretty-regular-women who would love to meet you; but you’re rejecting their interest because you want the HB.
Very attractive women have a lot of competition. And while it may play to your masculine instincts to want to compete and succeed; understand it’s often an illusion. How competitively valuable a woman is has nothing to do with your happiness after you’re with her. All it is, is ego-gratification. And when the brief ego-fulfillment fades, you’ll wake up next to a woman whom you have no chemistry with.
The same can be said for the PUA circus. Most people I know who went into the PUA subculture hook-line-and-sinker may have spent months (and thousands of dollars) in venues trying to “score an hb10″.
Then it finally happens. Suddenly, the guy finds himself dating a high-maintenance woman with whom he has nothing in common with. It lasts a week, tops, and the guy is left feeling more frustrated than when he started.
Meanwhile, that girl at the coffee shop who looks “average” (but is probably really gorgeous when her glasses are off and her hair is done) has been eyeing you throughout your entire 6 month dry-spell as you sought the carnival prize “hb”.
And you rejected her. You never gave her any attention.
If this is you, you’re an idiot.
In Summary
Get out of a competition frame when meeting women.
Just remember that those women who are most sought after are also, in all likelihood, also playing the competitive dating game. That means you will have to deal with unfair scrutiny and judgments about things like height, your income, and various other superficial standards–which are all things “regular” women are less likely to judge you for.
This whole mindset will always be toxic and based on ego-gratification. It’ll never serve you.
