Even in 2019, there is no shortage of seduction strategies and tips all over the web. The average guy who needs help in this area often requires a lot of work to fix, especially as many men encounter “analysis paralysis” where they spend 90% of their time reading pickup theories and maybe 10% or less of their time talking to girls (it should be the other way around).
Keep plugging away at something, and you’ll eventually make progress—whether you’re following pickup advice (meh), improving your social life the natural way through my books and articles, or using a system like the Shogun method (or any other psychological-based program designed to up the ante).
Yes, eventually, you WILL see results…
However, what seduction students typically don’t realize is that when you actually become a “seducer”, it opens up a can of worms—whole new problems to deal with. And without learning the skills needed to deal with these consequences, it places you at a huge disadvantage.
When a girl successfully sees you as: the most interesting, charming, clever and sexually enticing man she’s met in years—a very real problem occurs, she may become obsessed or overly attached to you.
This doesn’t always happen like the “overly attached girlfriend” meme, either.
A guy with genuine dating skills would never let himself get involved with the overly attached girlfriend to begin with. However, similar problems can still arise with ‘normal’ women.
You may genuinely like her, have sex with her, and she’ll consider you too great a catch to let go. As a result, she’ll want VERY much to become your committed girlfriend, and part of you may even want that too… Prepare to feel conflicted.
(Any guy who’s never dealt with unbelievable female drama has obviously never gotten past the “Hey, can I have your opinion about something” phase of pickup. He’s also most likely a guy who’s never had many girlfriends to begin with.)
For every man on Earth, this is a messy situation. The conflict happens because most guys want to get really good at this area of our lives (maybe it’s evolution, or just our egos) and we don’t want to be dating just one person in a serious way. At least not for some years.
But in general, this causes a conflict, because TYPICALLY if you’ve slept with a girl, or even made out with her and gone on a few dates, she’s steering the ship towards a committed relationship. Even if she’s not, you have to assume she is, because MANY women outside the bar / party scene want a boyfriend.
The Critical Decision
This leads to the critical decision: When to give “the talk” and communicate expectations in the relationship.
If you simply let emotions carry you away, you’re more likely to end up in a situation where both of you want vastly different things, and potentially extreme drama, dishes being thrown at your head, etc.
The “proper” and responsible thing is to do it BEFORE leading a girl on, going on your eleventh date with her, or just having sex with her.
The best way is to be brutally honest. You could say, “Hey, I’m not looking for a committed relationship right now. Frankly, I’m discovering myself through dating and getting better at women. If this is a problem for you, let me know.”
From then on, no matter what else happens between both of you, she can never say “You led me on!” or “You manipulated my feelings!” because you made your intentions clear.
The Dilemma…
The problem with “the talk” is that it’s not sexy. If clothes are flying off, you don’t want to say “Hold on a minute, let’s talk about this . . . .” because most likely that will result in clothes flying back ON.
However, giving “the talk” AFTER sex runs the serious risk of: “Oh, so NOW you feel that way? You just wanted to sleep with me!”
There’s no simple answer to this…
If you haven’t had too much luck with girls in your life, and you’re so happy you’re about to get laid, it’s unlikely you’re going to sabotage your experience by “talking about the relationship”, and this is perfectly understandable.
But you have to be ready for the consequences if you have to tell her at a later date that you don’t want to be boyfriend and girlfriend.
One strategy is to try and let things “run its course” and stay distant enough that she gets the message that you’re not going to be constantly in her life.
That means not adding her on Facebook, avoiding texts and keeping interactions down to once a week or less.
However, this doesn’t work with all girls, which is why it’s important to:
Know the Girl
Everybody has different personality ‘archetypes’, so you must always use your best judgment.
For example, a very ‘good-girl’ is more likely to get attached or expect a relationship after you sleep with her. By contrast, an obvious party girl is not going to care and she’ll expect a casual relationship or a one night stand.
So, if the girl seems very ‘nice’—maybe she’s only been with a few men in her life—be cautious about sleeping with her unless expectations are crystal clear ahead of time.
If your girl’s idea of a typical weekend is taking body shots and dancing on bar counters, don’t even worry about it. She’s way ahead of you and knows exactly what’s up.
There’s a middle-ground, too. There’s a lot of female ‘players’ who may SEEM like ‘nice girls’, but who like to date multiple guys. She may send out clues like, “Oh, a guy I dated last week said x, y, z,”. This is an intentional sign that she’s looking for casual relationships.
So if you get a signal like that, don’t worry about giving the “expectations talk”—just take her to bed already.
(These are my favorite types of women, by the way. We should all be dating numerous people before settling. Jealousy is a ridiculous emotion, but I digress.)
It’s also important to point out–you can still lead on a female player or a party girl, just not the first time you sleep with her. If you become close friends, have reoccurring ‘Netflix and chill’ nights–she may decide “OK! He’s my boyfriend now”, which means you will STILL have to do the ‘expectations talk’ at some point or another.
Worst Case Scenarios
The worst but most manageable situation is if, like in Wedding Crashers, you get a “stage 5 clinger”. At first she seemed perfectly reasonable, things heat up, you sleep with her, then she rolls over to your ear the next morning and whispers, “I love you”.
Your natural reaction will be “Whoa, let’s slow down”, in which case she WILL become upset, guaranteed. Maybe furiously upset. But in this case, it’s important to remember that it’s HER behavior that’s out of sync with normality.
So even if you break up with her on the spot, it’s still justifiable because pleading love and commitment after a night or two, unless you’re in some weird Mormon town in Utah, is not acceptable.
However, the hardest and worst situation is when you’re the one who really did act like a scumbag, and she was being reasonable. This happens when you’ve purposefully led her on thinking it would increase the chances of sex.
Examples: if you exhibit a lot of “relationship vibes” or even directly say things like “I’m looking for a girlfriend right now” and then once you have sex, suddenly you just want something non-committal.
If you do this, you’re the one who deserves whatever wrath you receive. What you should have done was elicit fewer relationship signals, and / or done “the talk” before sex to make intentions clear.
Even so, I don’t hate on guys who do this. Why? A lot of men are sex-starved. It’s just the reality of the American dating market. There are strong forces at play pushing us towards this type of behavior. Not everybody can be a bastion of maturity.
But try to avoid it.
In Summary
Once you’ve seduced a woman, be prepared to take responsibility for it. Don’t let PUA teachers try to tell you that you just have to master some silly approaching system, and then your life is just raining pussy with no problems. It’s never that simple.
And it NEVER feels good hurting a woman. Anyone with experience in life is going to do whatever they can to reduce instances of heartbreak.
