Spiritual Philosophy and Dating – Why it Matters (Bear With Me)

left path right path

For years, I’ve wondered why my love life is great in many foreign countries I’ve lived in (and some U.S. cities), to where one night out can result in a full schedule of dates for the month, and inevitably a girlfriend (or two, or three). Continue Reading

What To Do After Your Seduction Strategies Actually Work

womaninbed

Even in 2019, there is no shortage of seduction strategies and tips all over the web. The average guy who needs help in this area often requires a lot of work to fix, especially as many men encounter “analysis paralysis” where they spend 90% of their time reading pickup theories and maybe 10% or less of their time talking to girls (it should be the other way around). Continue Reading

The 6 Types of Oneitis

oneitis Maybe you have heard the term “Oneitis” before. This is the natural tendency to get caught up on one girl.

It obviously affects both sexes, as well. I was with a girl recently who described her mind as being completely invaded by a bad experience with a guy she was starting to date. “He started flirting with all of these other girls in the club in-front of me, while ignoring me the whole night. He did it to make me jealous and think about him. It worked. I deleted his number, but now I’m obsessed about him. Somebody shoot me.”

Oneitis, in all it’s forms, exists because of premature feelings for someone, or more rarely (as in the case with the girl) because somebody is manipulating your feelings.

It is not something to be shameful of, because it’s natural to become attached to personalities. If we can feel attached to a character on a television show, we can feel attached to somebody we just met in real life. However, most of the time this behavior needs to be nipped in the bud early. Here are six ways that it manifests:

You Went on 1 or 2 Dates, Then She Disappeared

 
This is the hardest form of oneitis. The reason is because maybe something was actually sparked, but suddenly she’s not responding to your texts or calls. Now you have placed heavy emphasis on a budding relationship, and you sense the crushing feeling that it will lead to nothing.

This type of oneitis results in stalkerish phone-calls, texts, and e-mails trying to get her attention, typically to no avail. Some of this is the fault of the woman who prefers to be passive instead of straightforward. The man is left wondering what he did wrong, but in most cases she simply feels that dating you is a bad idea; maybe for personal reasons (there’s another man in her life), or for practical reasons (no time to enter a relationship).

What to Do: Don’t contact her ever again. It’s fine to send one message, voice mail or text to a girl. It’s up to her to keep the line from going dead. If you think to yourself “Maybe my last e-mail didn’t go through”, you’re deceiving yourself. Trust me, she knows. If you keep contacting her, when you finally do hear back from her, it will not be a very nice message.

You have a girlfriend, then you break up with her – and you cannot get your mind off her.

 
This is the oldest feeling in the world. Every guy experiences this. Again, perfectly natural, but not a productive attitude to foster.

What to Do: You were together with her, and you feel hurt because it ended. Bugging or contacting her incessantly will obviously do nothing to mend the situation; and even if it did mend, you’d be back to dating someone you probably shouldn’t. Every time you feel an urge to call or text, start doing something else; I normally don’t condone playing time-sucking video games, but if booting up World of Warcraft gets your mind off her, then do it.

You Are Currently Dating Her

 
This is a more insidious form of oneitis, because generally somebody you are seeing deserves your sole attention, right? That’s what dating is all about, isn’t it?

The answer is actually “no”. In truth, she has multiple men she’s courting. That’s just the reality of 21st century dating, unless you’re in some conservative, rural community. If you’re living in a city, and the girl is halfway attractive, then she has options. If you don’t have options too, then sadly you have lost power in that relationship.

I don’t like that dating even has to include the term “power”, but the reality of the situation is that when she knows she can walk away from you, and be immediately emotionally gratified by a host of other men who desire her, then she has very little at stake with you.

What to Do: If you find yourself thinking about the girl 24 / 7, I encourage you to at least contact some female friends; or that one girl who you know has a crush on you on your Facebook feed. Remind yourself that women are not a scarce commodity in your life. Few men actually cultivate other women in their radius, which is not good. Instead, it’s best to match what she is also undoubtedly doing.

Obviously, don’t cheat – but at least you’ll know there’s plenty of options if things don’t work out with her. You’ll be less attached to that relationship, and it will even improve the relationship.

You Don’t Know Her and She Rejected You

 
One time a woman in a club looked me square in the eyes and said: “You are a creep, get the fuck away from me”. Her words echoed in my head for over a month; am I really a creepy? How could I have fallen so far in my life? Depression actually ensued because of this (I was pretty young at the time).

I saw her again 3 months later in the same venue. She did not remember me, obviously; she approached me at the bar and started hitting on me. For whatever reason, she was in hyper-bitch mode that night, but it was no reflection of reality, or else she would not have found me attractive after seeing me again (no, I did not get revenge on her, despite the temptation).

The moral lesson is that I had developed an acute form of oneitis over her; obsessing about her words and how they reflected my identity as a man. Because she was attractive physically, I placed unnecessary importance on her, putting value on her bullshit.

What to Do: Learn more about the nature of rejection and how it has no reflection on who you really are. if you really are pushy / needy / creepy, work on yourself more, or read a book to straighten out your inner game.

She’s Your Friend and You Crush On Her

 
Now we’re getting into genuine unhealthy, poor behavior. It’s fine to have female friends, it’s even OK to have female friends you are attracted to, but as soon as you begin THINKING about her constantly, you’re in trouble. There’s no reason to do this, it will destroy your friendship with her, and it will not increase your odds of dating her someday.

What to Do: Re-evaluate what you’re doing with your life. Ask yourself why you are coming from a position of scarcity. Change your thoughts to an inner frame of reference; take a look at your job, your lifestyle, what you do on Friday nights. Figure out what needs improvement, so you can draw value from more important things.

You Don’t Know Her, She Works at Starbucks

 
On a gradient scale, this is the unhealthiest form of oneitis. It’s the precursor to actual stalker behavior. It is when a man becomes obsessed with a woman he doesn’t even know.

Strangely, Hollywood says this behavior is fine, and it could even be the plot line for a romantic comedy. In real life, it’s not so funny. It’s fine to be attracted to some waitress you like, but unless you talk to her and try to act on it, those thoughts you are festering will become toxic, bad behavior.

What to Do: Do not go to the venue where she works anymore. There is no reason to put any woman on a pedestal, at anytime – so why do it to a stranger? You must evaluate the core reasons behind your behavior, as it’s likely due to a scarcity of women in your life, and a sense of inferiority.

You may also be suffering from delusions of grandeur, imagining your life with someone you don’t know so that you fulfill some empty void in your heart. Instead of filling that void with fantasy, fill it with personal love and appreciation for yourself.

In Summary

 
Oneitis is always the result of a feeling of scarcity. We become attached to one person, and forget that other people in the world exist. In the event that someone really is special to us (and is not some girl at Applebees you are stalking), then it’s not necessary to forget someone; but it IS necessary to seek experiences with other humans, to realize that no matter how special one person was, there are millions of other special people in the world, as well.

Obvious Dating Mistakes You’re Probably Still Making

dating mistakes

The funny thing about learning how to succeed with the ladies is that our memory recognition is extremely bad. My theory is that it relates to left-brain, right-brain relations. Logically, when we hear good dating advice, our left-brain processes it and it sounds like a great idea. However, once our emotional right-brain takes over, all that important information just seems to disappear. This is why when you’re pissed off or horny, you start saying and doing stupid shit.

So, in honor of our unreliable right-hemisphere, let’s go over some of the dating mistakes you’re probably still committing despite your best effort to eradicate them.

Messaging or Calling Too Much: Thinking about a girl you just met? Did you succumb to your temptation to message her on Facebook with something like”Hello Susan! It was nice talking to you the other day!”? Are you wondering why she’s not responding to you? Because she just put you in the “needy” pile. That’s all it takes–one unwarranted message–and you’re finished. You’re better off not pursuing like this, at all. The only exception is if she’s already crazy about you, then unexpected messages on social media or voice-mails might be OK, but it’s very easy to push it too far.

Proceeding Forward Despite Clear Warning Signs to Stop: Hornyness and desperation are the most common culprits of this dating mistake. If a girl becomes the “psycho girlfriend” meme two hours after meeting her; it’s really best to not keep fanning that flame, (unless you are into psychotic women, which is another issue).

Bringing Up Exes or Other Forbidden Topics: There’s a lot of stuff that you have to remember to just not talk about. Awkward conversational topics can destroy the attraction, especially topics that are brought up too soon. Aside from exes, don’t babble about your job or other boring facts of yourself. Just let her experience your personality.

Not Taking Anything Physical: While it might be a bit intimidating to make that first move and go in for a kiss (and hopefully more), not giving this a shot is a huge dating mistake. Without breaching that barrier, you’re on a one-way train to friend-zone. If she does reject you for kissing her, just brush it off and move onward.

Setting Up a Boring Date: If you decide to go “traditional” and ask her to go to dinner with you, there better be a LOT of chemistry already happening beforehand (which means she’ll be happy no matter WHAT you do with her). Otherwise, expect a lot of chewing and not much interacting. Look for any fun activity with her, even miniature golf is a better bet than going to dinner.

Staking Too Much on Her: Desperation is one of those hidden vices that you won’t even realize is happening. Nonetheless, be careful of putting too much importance on any bird you’re seeing. A lot of times, it doesn’t last that long, so enjoy it while it does–and for goodness sake, don’t act creepy.

Why Bad Boys Get Girls, Nice Guys Don’t

I’m About to Reveal Some Harsh Truths About Women and Dating

greaser

Throughout your life, you may have noticed how the “bad boy” always gets the dates. In high school, the rocker or buff athlete with the personality of an alligator could steal that pretty girl you’d been crushing on.

As men, we have to learn to either ADAPT AND CONQUER… or GIVE UP AND WALK AWAY. Either of these options are perfectly fine, but if you want to succeed in the mating game… Then it’s time to ADAPT!

What Are the Secrets That Bad Boys Use to Attract Women?

For most men, the amazing, gorgeous, feminine examples of beauty are completely unobtainable…

You know who I’m talking about:

pickup artist

No matter how much PUA theory you read, it’s like there’s something blocking you from still becoming the man you want to be.

That’s because what you want to be must become INTERNALIZED.

Specifically, there are three main elements of the bad boy archetype that must be internalized in this way. Men who master these concepts will live in sexual abundance, guaranteed:

Attitude

Sexual Confidence

Imagery

If you’re missing one of these, you can’t be a bad boy! You can even have the attitude and confidence down, but a bad boy also has the IMAGE to attract women.

People come to mind like the rapper Pit Bull. Some know exactly how to be bad boys:

pit bull

Guys like this have it down to a SCIENCE.

The look, the swagger, the smirk, the clothes.

And even more importantly, they understand the different types of male archetypes that women identify as bad boy men.

Why Does This Work?

Women are hard-wired to want the pack leader. Some teachers call them “alpha males”. I see it as men who are very masculine who attract the feminine.

It’s like a magnet. Feminine women are pulled toward very masculine men.

Unfortunately, many bad boys are assholes. This is why so many women suffer in their dating lives. Fortunately, you don’t have to be an asshole to be a bad boy.

How Do I Become a Bad Boy?

It’s not an overnight process.

You need to start at the ground level and develop something called your WARRIOR’S PATH. A real bad boy is not just some idiot with a fake image…

The real deal is someone who walks the path, and has something in his life worth dying for.

This is what creates the real core confidence a man needs to transform himself.

Anything less than this, and you’ll be a faker! A whigger by another name – a guy trying to look hard and show off, but who isn’t walking the walk.

If You Have Ongoing Problems With Women, This is Probably the Solution

Very few, if any, programs have tackled the transformation process to turn from an average guy into a bad boy. And no such program has been offered for the cost of a Starbucks mocha.

Attract Women as a Bad Boy has been created by Lucas Elliot (Magnetic PUA) and Cyrus Thomson (How to Become a Powerful, Sexy Man) and it’s a detailed workbook to turn an average dude into the thing women lust after.