Why Chemistry is Not Sexual Attraction

sexual attraction

Many people, especially women, mistake chemistry for sexual attraction. Have you ever had a woman say to you, “We just don’t have chemistry together, sorry”?

The truth is that sexual attraction and chemistry are two different animals. Attraction is, explicitly speaking, if you make her wet. Chemistry is how well you get along with somebody based on countless personality variables.

So, when a woman says “There’s no chemistry, sorry”–what she means is she’s not attracted to you. What she should be saying is “You don’t make me horny, you make me dry as a sand crater.”

Women who lack intelligence and personal development skills will consistently find boyfriends who make them hot, but whom they have no chemistry with. Because their emotions go haywire, they mistakenly believe arousal means compatibility.

This is why many relationships fail. It’s also the fault of the man, who is tempted by the offer of readily available sex to sign an emotional contract (known as a relationship)–despite the fact his opinion of her is somewhere in-between annoyance and loathing.

The proper solution is to fuck somebody who you have sexual attraction for, and date somebody who you have attraction and chemistry with.

There’s no other option. You should NEVER date someone you don’t really get along with. Likewise, you should never date someone who doesn’t turn you on. If people could only learn this basic concept.

Don’t Mistake These Two Concepts Yourself

At Developed Man, we’ve talked extensively about friend zone. One reason men end up as “just friends” so often is because they might have great compatibility with women; but they do not turn them on.

When a woman meets somebody she has compatibility with; she recognizes it and values it. And let’s be clear: there IS value in it. I have plenty of female friends. Some are business partners, others are like sisters.

There’s compatibility with these women, but no sexual attraction. This is not always a bad thing. Sometimes a relationship works better without sex. Sexually charged relationships are awesome, but I don’t limit my scope of people I meet based on that. This is because I understand how compatibility is extremely important; the people we’re compatible (have chemistry) with define our lives.

But if you want to DATE aka FUCK somebody, it’s never going to work unless she is attracted to you. Chemistry or no chemistry, she needs to be turned on by you to the point that she is thinking about you while she masturbates.

Having compatibility & chemistry is not enough. You guys can bond over shared interests in things like movies all you like, but it doesn’t mean she’s hot and bothered.

I understand that there may be such thing as “sexual chemistry” — “Something about this guy turns me on, and I can’t explain it!”. Don’t get confused. This is the same thing as sexual attraction. It’s not what I’m referring to. Again, compatibility and attraction have almost nothing to do with each other.

So, How Do I Create Sexual Attraction?

As we know, women want primal, raw masculinity. Not everybody, however, is blessed with good looks. So as a man, you must develop your masculine attributes, sometimes from scratch.

This involves exterior habits: working out, losing the video games for a while, engaging in physical activities, enhancing your appearance. It also involves (most importantly), interior qualities: standing for what you believe in, not being a coward, being ready to protect people around you (IE: being a man).

Internalize some of these things and you’ll begin to project that masculine frame of mind. This is what will make a woman inexplicably feel attracted.

You can then heighten this by developing other qualities and traits: mysteriousness, aloofness, playfulness, sexual forwardness.

But before you get to these more advanced topics–you have to start at the baseline of acting like an actual man, not a man-child.

Talk to you next time.


  1. LOL this is ridiculous. They are not two separate things at all. I am not an idiot nor am I lacking intellectual or emotional intelligence. If I tell you I don’t feel any chemistry with you, it really does mean I don’t find you sexually attractive and everything about you turns me off. Chemistry includes sexual attraction (or lack thereof).

Speak Your Mind