How to Survive Toxic Femininity

Toxic Femininity

Toxic femininity is the ability for a woman to send an innocent person off in handcuffs, or to the guillotine, while she herself is lauded with praise. In short, its female powers of manipulation and cunning bent toward selfish and malicious intent.

We hear feminists complain of toxic masculinity. And maybe there is such a thing among men who think Scarface is a legitimate role model and physical violence an acceptable course of action when you don’t get your way. However, actual toxic masculinity feels far less prevalent to me unless you go into the Hood or involve yourself with a biker gang.
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How to Develop Your Archetypal Dangerous Male

archetypal male

When people ask me, “Cyrus, what is your main sticking point with women?” I give them a mouthful: my archetypal dangerous male persona is lacking.” That’s a lot to deal with, so let’s try to unpack it.
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When Beautiful Women Are Not Beautiful (Calling Out All Simps)

blonde

Today, I fear that we live in the age of simps. These are men who beg, grovel and plead for female attention. It has become so widespread in cities like Los Angeles that even completely average women can acquire 4,000, 5,000 or more Tinder matches in a short amount of time. Continue Reading

A Response to James Fell, the Good Men Project, and the Myth of the Alpha Male

good men project

Every now and then an article comes along that leaves me no choice but to hop on the saddle and write about it.

The Good Men Project is another male interest community, but this one brands itself as the anti-MRA, anti-PUA alternative for the self-described “good men” of the Internet (mmhmm…). Continue Reading

Online Dating Heralds the Apocalypse for Western Men

aaaaargh

I’ll preface this by saying I have no affiliation with the site “Sluthate” which appears to be another misguided offshoot of “PUAHate” – which was shut down after one of their members, a guy we know named Elliot Rodger, went on a killing spree in southern California.

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The Truth About What Women Want (It’s Wladimir Klitschko)

Wladimir Klitschko

Wladimir Klitschko is a Ukrainian boxer who looks like a villain in a 90s Steven Segal action flick. There’s a lot of buzz about him lately because he recently spawned a baby with beautiful actress Hayden Panettiere.

I found myself reading this headline and wondering how often we see highest status females, like Hayden, going out with computer geeks, feminine men, and pasty spectacle-wearing writers and journalists.

It never happens. Those women with absolute freedom of choice typically look for the men who are built like horses (probably in more ways than one), are primal warriors and leaders, and who are perfect examples of raw masculinity. This is what the majority of women want, and to believe otherwise you are delusional.

And, in today’s sexual climate, the standard of alpha masculinity further divides sex worthy males from the not-so sex worthy.

How the Sexual Marketplace Works

 
There is no doubt that 90% of women lust after 10% of men.

If you think this is a bum deal for men, understand that in some way it’s also shitty for the ladies. As they enter this mindset, they try desperately to snatch up men who are typically unavailable (or extreme players). Women, perhaps because it’s hardwired into them or it’s the result of cultural peer expectations, would rather be single than settle for anything less than what they feel they’re entitled to.

As a result, you’ll find many beautiful-to-moderately-attractive (and even plain looking) women in the big city are perpetually single. They are waiting for “the one”, which is code for a Ukrainian boxer who is also rich, famous, built like a tank, and can kill a man with his bare hands.

In many ways, this is similar to the endlessly career driven person who will settle for nothing less than to become the CEO of their company. Similarly, such people may not find happiness when they finally get what they want so badly. Hence our massive divorce rates.

A century ago, men and women were not geographically sporadic. Before globalization, the internet, and EasyJet, women were usually limited to an area of a few square miles. Their pick of suitors had to come from this pool. The most suitable bachelor was now in the same stratosphere of qualities that a “regular guy” could actually obtain.

Now, comparisons lie in pop culture. A man is not held to the standard of the guy who owns the local deli, works out and has an awesome mustache–instead, the average scrawny dude who slaves at an office all day is held to the standard of Wladimir Klitschko and various larger-than-life celebrities.

The Beta Male Phenomenon

 
Men have a strong sexual drive, just above that of women. Men also desire multiple sexual partners to a greater extent. As a result, men are not supremely picky, and never will be. The standards men hold women to usually consists of: “don’t be elderly, don’t be really fat, try to be cool to be around”.

Women have somewhat less biological drive based around sex. Therefore, they approach mating from a position of seeking “the best”, not necessarily being directed by gut-level sexual attraction. Their desire is still biological by nature, but it’s also mixed up with peer pressure, sociological expectation, and the Western tendency to want “the best” despite limited resources (the best car, the best house, the best Facebook friends list, the best selfie).

The ten percentile of men that most women desire are readily noticeable in a sea of “beta males”. Guys like this “nice guy”:

beta male

These are all men who, for whatever reason, do not make the cut. Women constantly dodge these men as they bother them on social media or make awkward, failed approaches (which these days are dubbed “street harassment”).

While there is a gradient in-between these extremes, many men end up somewhere in the middle. These are men who can count their sexual partners on one hand. Sometimes, their only sexual partner IS their hand.

Sadly, from a moral or logical point of view, most of these “undesirables” are perfectly good guys. Loyal, hard-working, maybe even handsome. In fact, in the olden days, they’d probably have an endless variety of women to choose from in their communities.

Today, average is not good enough, even though average itself is a myth–and everybody has something unique to offer. In Western culture, sexual viability among men is placed within strict, unyielding criteria of personal behavior (alpha attitude) and external attributes (broad shoulders, money, power).

A man must be actively in, or approaching, this ten percentile to maintain sexual options.

And unfortunately, men are notoriously unaware of these facts about the sexual marketplace. This is why so many constantly pursue women in the most low-power methods.

A friend of mine, an attractive eighteen year-old, posts regularly the absurdity of messages that she receives by strangers on Facebook. The screenshots that she posts usually consist of:

“Hey baby”
“I know u don’t know me but I love your tits”
“wow… i want to get to know you whats your phone number?”
“hey we live in the same town, do you wanna go out with me?”

And on, and on.

In many ways, this barrage of clueless beta males is a driving force behind the frustrating behavior among most modern women.

The reason this occurs is because as women are more and more strict about only dating within the ten percentile, that ninety percentile becomes more and more sexually frustrated. We men are driven by sexual urges that sometimes pornography cannot satiate. This leads to irrational behavior, such as messaging a girl half your age on Facebook and asking to see her tits.

Obviously, any man who behaves this way is only hurting his own cause further. But as our brains ooze chemicals telling us to desperately seek anything with a pair of breasts and two legs after a two-year dry spell, it’s no surprise men behave this way.

This is a dangerous cycle that continues to spin out of control. The only solution for men is to either walk away or to push hard to enter the ten percentile (game, alpha attitudes, etc).

A Healthier Culture Would Not Have These Problems

 
Men are not taught by our fathers or peers that acting like a sex begging beta is a horrible strategy. Further, women are not taught some basic eastern philosophical principles to be grateful for what you have and to not relentlessly seek perfection.

If a greater amount of men possessed traits that women found desirable, the ten percentile could change to a top twenty or thirty percentile. In other words, there would be fewer frustrated single women who are unsatisfied by what they perceive as an ocean of low quality men.

If women were taught the true nature of self-esteem, and if a healthy culture of female self-development (not feminism victim-hood or Cosmo mag consumerism) existed; women would make better choices and aspire to inner-happiness before seeking such happiness through the validation of obtaining a perfect male specimen. They would place less weight and severity on the mating process, and this open-mindedness could lead to women discovering they feel attracted to men they previously may not have given their time in the endless pursuit of perfection.

Further, men are not taught to lean back and stop being “pursuers”. They allow their sexual impulses to control their behavior far too much. This is why women get messaged more on dating sites compared to men on roughly a 1:100 ratio.

Unfortunately, current Western culture is toxic and spinning out of control. There are enough ladies and enough guys for there to be limitless options for both of us. Instead we are faced with divorce rates pushing 60%, with single, frustrated men AND women everywhere.

However, the immediate priority I believe lies in female culture. Privileged, urban women believe Wladimir Klitschko is going to appear and rescue them from the ocean of beta males. Feminism and female social philosophy reinforces for women to “never settle”, which really means continue to live squarely by the standards of pop culture and fantasy.

The problem is, once they finally find their “perfect” guy–usually after sleeping with quite a few candidates–they are not happy. They file for divorce. Their biological and sociological drive lied to them.

Or, after constant frustration after fruitlessly trying to catch one of the ten percentile, they “settle” and find one of their beta male orbiters who seems to have the best financial dividends. They immediately regret the decision, and resent the man for it. Again, divorce is filed, ugly custody proceedings ensue, etc.

This is because sex takes the back-burner to healthy philosophy. Women do not understand that happiness begins within their own minds. Western female philosophy is attached to an unbelievable mindset of victimhood. Women are not given permission to just be happy to be themselves. As a result, they carry all of their mental baggage into relationships as they look for happiness through external validation.

They devote all of their energy, all of their life’s work to finding the most desirable man possible. And at the end of the day, they’re still posting selfies worried about their appearance and what their friends think of them.

In Summary

 
As men, the best we can do is grow individually, and strive to stay in that ten percentile for our own sanity’s sake. The best women we can find are self-developed and not identifying their happiness based on what their gaggle of catty friends think.

However, just to be able to find a woman like that, we must first obtain the skills and attributes needed to attract ANY woman, at all.

In the current sexual climate; this means striving to be more like alpha dudes like Wladimir. The good news is that by modeling yourself after prime examples of masculinity; you are likely improving your life in other areas, as well. There is a lack of masculinity in modern men; and it involves self-sufficiency, leadership, charisma, and a warrior’s attitude. These are not bad traits for any man to quest for.

The bad news is that personal transformation is extremely hard. Our genetics limit to just what extent we can get ripped, and there is no shortcut to crack psychology to become instantly more masculine, more of a bad-boy.

But it can be done to your full potential, anyway. Ultimately, it must be done as a way of improving yourself, not merely to appease women–as this common mistake is a contradiction of goals that could even keep you in a beta status (does Wladimir train every-day to impress women? I doubt it).

This is in essence what a lot of men in the “Manosphere” strive toward.

And, as most of us know, it can be a lifelong process.

The Merits of the MGTOW Movement (Why Women Should Be De Prioritized)

mgtow

MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way) is a loosely-knit movement that certainly draws a fair amount of criticism. It concerns men withdrawing from the sexual marketplace to pursue their own lives, independent of pressure to pickup girls, get laid, or get married.

With articles like the brilliant “The Sexodus” on Breitbart, MGTOW is beginning to make more sense, perhaps mainly in its very moderate interpretation: that men need to detach from women and sex for the sake of their own mental health. (There are certainly some extremist elements to the movement that I do not care for.)

When I was about 17 years-old, I hung out with a few guys almost twice my age. We went to a biker coffee shop on a rough side of town, where they asked me “Son, what’s your number?”.

“Huh? My number?”

“How many women you’ve fucked’

“Umm, one”

They all burst out laughing at me. One of them remarked that his “score” was in the 30s.

“When I was 17, it was a lot higher than one, I can tell you that.” The immediate feeling I felt in response to these guys I barely knew was intense shame.

This was an impressionable experience. As I grew older, that score obviously increased, but I felt an invisible pressure, and even when I’d hook up more, I did not feel relieved. It was never enough to feel satisfied.

“It seems real men, like those guys I met, are always banging new girls. Why am I so far behind? So inefficient?”. Thoughts like this would plague my head constantly.

But unlike another addictive vice (money), the game of sexual politics sometimes feels unwinnable (for both sexes). While we can control our bank account through hard work, many men get stuck at improving in the sexual marketplace despite how much they invest their time into this area.

This is largely because of the infectious inconsistencies between what women say they want, and what they really want (as the “Sexodus” article illustrates, what women want is less the sensitive boyfriend and more the ripped shirtless warriors in Game of Thrones).

And, it’s not easy for a 28 year-old information technology professional who’s 145 lbs, has a square face, and hair growing in unusual places to suddenly live up to those expectations. When they try, often what’s created are laughable examples of men trying to be something altogether alien to their true natures.

Dating advice does help. The PUA movement caters to the large amount of American males who feel sexually unpopular. The advice on this site is designed to provide a solid baseline and grounding in that area. However, for many men, playing “the game” can be an enormous undertaking that is simply not worth the amount of work it takes.

Our friends and inner circles understand our true value and importance as human beings, but on the sexual marketplace: it’s brutal, and always will be brutal. Judgments are made on a split second basis, because that’s how long it takes for attraction to occur. You could have a Nobel peace prize for negotiating a treaty between Israel and Palestine, and you can still be absolutely invisible to the women you desire.

If a woman is not attracted to you (because of your body language, your height, your level of game, your alpha attitude, or whatever), but you are nonetheless attracted to her–it’s a fight you can almost never win.

And, attempting to continually win such a fight will result in mental health problems. The same mental health problems I’ve seen so many men suffer from since I first started to meet guys who seek help with dating and attraction.

Because at the end of the day, what I’ve found that most men want is not merely the validation of getting a girlfriend. This is fairly easy to accomplish. They want the options, they want the “proof” that they are attractive and masculine.

Dating somebody or entering a relationship does not cure that. They want to believe they are worthy and attractive to a multiplicity of women. They want the ability to go anywhere they want, and attract a large amount of sexual options. It’s intoxicating to be attractive to women. It’s like a narcotic. The most powerful narcotic in the world. Any straight male desires it at some point.

And, it’s reinforced by Western television and culture. Men are bombarded by imagery that equates their worth as human beings to their sexual value. In the PUA world, I’ve seen this made manifest. The pressure is enormous, and when a man cannot possibly live up to cultural expectations, his world feels crushed.

He retreats to porn, video games, and other dudes who he can vent with. He may even develop a bit of animosity against women.

He will have also developed, perhaps, an intense self-loathing. He’ll have forgotten his true potential, as all of his mental energy has been spent on self-consciousness.

He could have stood for great things in his life, but instead his focus was directed entirely at trying to fulfill the behemoth expectations of the sexual marketplace.

Often, in our 30s, I think these self-conscious directives begin to change. Some resign to their self-perceived unpopularity with women; others “settle”, marrying the first girl who shows interest so they can simply end the never-ending treadmill of seeking female validation.

Meanwhile, men are not living up their highest standards. And, the great irony is that because of their obsession with sex, and the fact they have put pussy on a pedestal in this way, that is a primary reason they are not attractive in the first place.

No great man cares about these things. As soon as you begin to WORRY about your sexual popularity and viability; you are giving away little pieces of your power.

As soon as a man goes in the mirror and hates himself for his beer gut or his pasty skin because it makes him unappealing to women, and be begins to ruminate on those thoughts, he’s drifting far from his true potential as a human being, and the amazing things he can accomplish that have nothing to do with whether random people want to fuck him or not.

And, when a guy reads excess material about picking up chicks (including even on this site), and he places too much attention and importance on the topic, he also surrenders his value.

The only solution for the “Sexodus”, for the mass of men crushed by lifetimes of rejection on the sexual marketplace, is to deprioritize every aspect of the attraction / pickup / dating / sex / relationship process.

I don’t agree with everything I read on the MGTOW sites, but the core concept is still something to take away; are you leading your OWN life or are you trying to live up to the expectations of a society that tells you that your worth as a man depends on your desirability by women?

Finally, if you feel stuck at “game”, and feel depressed — consider that you are putting women and your sexual utility on a pedestal where it does not belong. To begin to lead a life truer to yourself, you must unplug from dating, from women, from game, PUA–all of it.

And after you rediscover yourself, perhaps you can fiddle with the area again. But, your worth as a person has nothing to do with how much sex you’re getting or not getting in the meantime.

Literally just stop thinking so much about it. Walk away.

How to Be a Gentleman By Not Being a Gentleman

how to be a gentleman

Traditionally, men are taught by their elders how to be a gentleman. This brings to mind various nostalgic early 20th century ideas of opening doors, practicing some form of chivalry, and being a polite, well-rounded man.

There are many ways that “being a gentleman” is an adage that bothers me. It implies automatically that men are separated into two camps: the gentlemen and non-gentlemen; and that the latter are rude, dishonest, poor examples of men.

In reality, many of the worst men I’ve ever known have self-identified as gentlemen. This tells me that the advice as it’s traditionally passed on neither applies to the modern world, nor is it comprehensive enough to be a model of behavior.

That’s because gentlemen of this era are self developed men. If you follow the advice to open doors for your date, and this is your epiphany of social skills, you’re likely to find yourself stuck repeatedly in friend zone. Alternatively, acting aloof, cocky, and less clingy will contrast you from the endless parade of nice guys and their predictably bad behavior.

The reason this type of advice may have worked in 1935 is because before the age of rampant globalization, mass-communication, and sex as a pop-cultural weapon; men were born with an inherently grounded nature. There was an unspoken understanding of important values in life. There was no opportunity for men to spend half their lives in basements playing Warcraft, because at some point they would inevitably have to fight a real war. They knew life was short and precious.

Today, humans are raised by pop-culture. We are fed billboards and advertising that tell us to seek pussy as a standard of self-worth. Bad social skills are reinforced in schoolyards. Working as a community is downplayed in favor of convenience. Fresh off the factory floor, most men are fairly maladjusted.

Given this type of environment, to be a gentleman now means pushing against the grain with a different entire set of values. This includes:

  • Not putting women, or anyone, on pedestals
  • Being politically incorrect when necessary
  • Rejecting social roles and career roles
  • Developing a sense of humor and cockiness
  • Not taking everything so seriously
  • Not acting like an extremely self-conscious product of pop-culture
  • Being quick to call out bullshit when you see it
  • Knowing how to go out and have fun in an era when most prefer to sink into their couches and play video games / watch TV / stagnate on Facebook

All of this being said, you should still use the golden fucking rule. That’s what being a “good person” really involves–treating people with empathy. This includes employees, friends, lovers, anyone. See people as your brothers and sisters–unless they do wrong to you. In that case, see such a person as an undeveloped soul who needs a few more life lessons

However, if all you do is try to take the traditional ideas of how to be a gentleman and mold it on-top of our modern lack of values, then you may appear hollow and vapid. You are opening doors, walking on the outside of the sidewalk for ladies, and bringing flowers on a date–all while showing no substance or character to speak of.

Meanwhile, based on behavioral patterning, women typically identify this type of “gentlemanly” behavior with low-quality, uninteresting men who were taught how to dress and act by their mothers. By contrast, the cocky guy who doesn’t seem to give two shits is identified as the actual “gentleman” who is far less likely to social media stalk her, annoy her, obsess over her, or various other low quality behaviors that (quite sadly) this type of behavior seems to precipitate.

Is being a traditional gentleman completely dead? Maybe not in some cultures. For instance, in some more conservative parts of the world, it still seems to be what women in particular desire in their men. However, at least in the West, it’s no longer a sophisticated type of behavior.

Instead, it’s wiser to learn how to be a rebel. In summary, if you had to choose between Luke or Han Solo, I think Han is the better role model in the 21st century.

(To learn the much more complex and in-depth answer to the question of modern male virtues, see my book “How to Become a Powerful, Sexy Man”).

French Feminism vs American Feminism

Editor’s Note: On Developed Man, I’ve tried to focus on self-development and avoid the fiery debate across the Manosphere and men’s rights sites that point the finger at “feminism” as being responsible for men’s problems.

However, undeniably gender issues do affect men’s lives, and how women view their other-half greatly influences our romantic prospects. A friend, using the alias “Latinluva”, is a global dating expert who encourages men to leave North America to increase the quality and scope of their love lives.

He submitted this article to me and I decided to publish it, as it presents an interesting perspective about how feminism differs in other countries and offers what I feel is a clarifying perspective about this controversial subject.

– Cyrus

These days, it’s becoming apparent that it’s a hassle to date in America. When I moved to Los Angeles from Mexico, I met many girls who were struggling actresses, working as waitresses with no time for meeting men, while many of the other women I’d meet were struggling in their own way as immigrants, working bad jobs for the city or at fast food restaurants.

Welcome to life in America, where everybody is a workaholic to pay expensive rent, where you spend 30% of your life driving alone in your car stuck in traffic, and where everybody is lonely.

So, a lot of both men and women are leading very lonely lives, and lately many men believe that the reason there is so much disconnect is because “feminism” has driven a wedge between the sexes, which has meant less dating and companionship for everybody.

Is this true? Here is my perspective as a global traveler.

Feminism itself is supposed to be the struggle for equal rights between men and women.

There are 2 main schools of thought relating to feminism: Western feminism and French / European feminism, which is practiced elsewhere in the world.

Western feminism / American feminism

This type of feminism basically teaches that women are inherently not equal to men. Therefore, women must compensate by working hard to gain equal footing and / or outdo men. This is why you may see terms like “Working Women” (as opposed to “Working People”), emphasizing a woman’s role that is just as strong or stronger. There is a focus on women being able to do the same jobs men usually do, and if necessary to adopt masculine attributes to be recognized as equal. This type of feminism is commonly seen to have an adversarial attitude.

French feminism

French feminism basically focuses on ensuring equal rights for women while admitting (versus fighting) the natural gender differences, so Men are A, and Women are B, but A is not superior to B, or vice versa. In other words, French and other European brands of feminism have no problems reconciling that men and women have inherently different preferences and desires, but they do not feel threatened by these differences.

It seeks to empower women through their own femininity. They seek equality in terms of civil rights (voting, that their decision counts, that they have the same amount of opportunities, etc.) but at the same time promotes feminine empowerment. For example: being sexually attractive as means for empowerment, focusing on embracing one’s feminine self, beauty, and celebrating more womanly tasks and jobs versus feeling limited by them. European feminism is about promoting feminine positions and ideas in society while not trying to imitate men who are, by nature, different.

Very often these two schools of thought fight amongst each other. For example, Western feminists may accuse French feminism of allowing themselves to be “oppressed” by men for feeling it’s acceptable to dress in a sexual way and being OK with men’s compliments and attention.

On the other hand, French feminism may accuse Western feminism of disempowering women by telling them to pursue manly tasks and behavior. French feminists may feel offended by the notion that behaving in a feminine way is just “wanting to satisfy men”.

I think these two images speak for themselves:

FrenchVSWesternFeminism

There’s nothing wrong with feminism (or at least the way it’s supposed to be). The real problem we are dealing with is that there’s something wrong with how people in America interact with each other and spread harmful ideas.

Something very bad happened in America, perhaps nourished by fear, control, overpopulation, and Hollywood that made its citizens too self-conscious. As a foreigner having lived in Los Angeles for a year, I am now absolutely sure that the USA is the most self-conscious country in the world, and this had led to a lot of confusion in matters relating to social interactions between genders.

So America has become the perfect fertile field for confused and unhealthy gender dynamics to grow. You can see this not only through the lens of Western feminism but in American’s day to day lives. Take a look at the following video related to “street harassment”:

I see too many problems in this video, related to both men and women. Here are the facts:

American Men are needy: Men who catcall women on the street are simply projecting unsatisfied desires, meaning they are not getting laid good or often enough. There’s also a problem with education: Social classes in America are more divided, the public education system fails to deliver, and men lack behavioral guidance in life. This is why men on this video lack the touch and chivalry to display value and they resort to needy behavior (cat-calling) instead of properly approaching and striking up a conversation.

But also I see an incredible amount of self-consciousness from these women, I mean, they dress sexy and complain of the unwanted attention, but we know every woman in the world craves attention. It’s just that these self-described “feminists” complain that they want the control of who gives them that attention.

The video also recounts stories of women who were sexually molested in the subway. This is a serious offense, but it’s not fair to associate an actual sex crime with a guy who calls a woman in a short black skirt “beautiful” (as we see early in the video).

This is very selfish in a way and also puts society at risk because they are basically looking to create laws that would prevent men from talking to women in public places. If such laws get approved then dating in America will become impossible, and it’s already hard.

Have you ever tried online dating in America? I have and guess what? It’s a joke. Even as an attractive man, I have no power in the digital dating marketplace. On the other hand, I found out that attractive women in the USA get 30 mails per day on average (according to statistics). In other words, an attractive woman in America has absolutely 0 problems for finding partners, so much that they can’t even read the amount of e-mails that get accumulated in their inboxes. Since the average woman is swimming in a sea of options, that’s why they never respond to most guys (even quality guys).

If that wasn’t bad enough, I recently read about these two entrepreneurial women who have created a new dating site (Siren) that has a specific algorithm that can completely filter women’s preferences so that candidates who don’t fit the desired profile will be absolutely unable to communicate with them (so becoming witty and skillful at conversation will no longer work in this case).

And then you have the news about “women only hotels”. . .

…And you get the picture: men in America are becoming absolutely powerless at dating: in a near future they will no longer have anything to do with the dating process, and it will be completely out of their control. This is one of the reasons pickup artistry and learning game is so popular in America, as it’s the only possible way for most men to try and retake some of their value.

If you’ve been following Developed Men, you’ve probably read many articles relating to behavioral patterns and learning the art of seducing women, these of course are tried techniques to make a difference in the extremely difficult and competitive dating scene in America. It’s basically an art that needs to be studied and perfected in order to make it work, and we are hopefully building true gentlemen—men who can display value in society and be appreciated by women.

However, I feel like the need for these skills is exacerbated in North America, where women are very difficult to connect with, and therefore many men become lonely and desperate and they require as much game as possible to try and force a broken system to work.

American men forget that in other parts of the world meeting women is natural and easy. The lack of options and loneliness that American men suffer is disproportionate to the rest of the world, and this is why American men get needy and act in a low-value way, such as with the cat-calling. As you can see it is a vicious circle.

There’s a fight going on out there, namely against Western and North American thinking, which is an ideology of self-consciousness and confusion that hurts gender dynamics and makes life much harder for both men and women. By contrast there are other ideas about feminism that do not promote a self-conscious and unhappy society, and this is the European and French model.

It’s very important for men and women alike to recognize these alternatives and to spread awareness about them, otherwise Western ideologies will continue to spread, and as we have seen by the very damaged social culture in the United States, we do NOT want Western culture and it’s wrong ideas about the sexes to overtake countries abroad that have much older and more balanced views on male / female relationships.

As for men who are stuck in America, your solution is global dating. Get out of the United States. In other places I have been to it’s amazing how the problems I mentioned so far do not exist. Online dating becomes easy, approaching women is much easier, there is no tension or hostility between the genders, the men do not act needy or pushy, and the women are not self-conscious or confused about themselves.

I’ll talk a lot more in my next article about global dating. Stay tuned.

How Generalizing is Stupid Behavior (Response to Return of Kings)

return of kings

What does it take to be a good man? A lot of things, but most importantly it’s about avoiding certain behaviors that harm you.

There’s a natural human tendency to create a false equation. It’s like an error in our operating systems; a mental glitch that was never fixed by nature. It goes: observation = generalization.

It’s easy to identify, “That Asian driver cut me off. Asians are bad drivers.”

It’s the least rational type of thought pattern. More irrational than religious fundamentalism or any other modern plague of the mind, and it’s the core of many of the world’s problems.

Fortunately, conscious-minded individuals can usually detect this type of behavior early enough to squash it. However, some communities appear ripe with generalizing behavior; and as such they should be approached with healthy skepticism.

One such site is Return of Kings, made by arch PUA Roosh V.

I’ve been reading this site out of curiosity; and there can be something a bit seductive about the Manosphere’s most controversial creature that keeps me clicking to the next article…and the next one…and the next one. Some primal tendency, perhaps.

But I hope most reasonable people who stumble into this site can identify bullshit by practicing even mild critical thinking skills. Every single article on that site encapsulates negative generalizations about politics, gender issues, women, and society.

As an example, let’s take a look at a very “tame” (by RoK standards) RoK post: “Why The Ukraine Crisis Is A Red Pill Vs Blue Pill Superpower Clash”

At first glance, I find myself starting to agree with “The First Auarian”. Yes, perhaps Russian and Soviet influenced culture breeds less materialistic women. Perhaps emasculated western culture is a threat to eastern culture (which is the article’s thesis).

But it’s clear, as you read this piece, it’s just like every other article on the site: a rampant series of generalizations, that appeals to your desire for controversy but has no basis in reality.

The author takes a couple of his own VERY subjective experiences and tries to paint a broad analysis of Ukrainian culture in general. So, he had a very positive experience dating an east Ukrainian woman, and a less positive experience with a west Ukrainian. Who cares?

So the east Ukrainian woman he met was not messing with her cell-phone on a date… Who cares? He implies that the closer you get to Russia, the more likely every woman puts away her cell phone and becomes mature minded, social, sexual, and without narcissistic western tendencies.

But I seriously doubt that. For all we know, more east Ukrainians use cell phones than west Ukrainians. For all we know, east Ukrainian men are less aggressive than their western counterparts. For all we know, aggressive, over-machismo behavior of east Ukrainian men does nothing to increase the quality of the dating culture, at all.

In fact, according to statistics I’ve researched, many east European countries, including the Ukraine, have the highest rates of divorce in the world, outranking even the United States. It’s possible the extreme machismo “red pill” behavior of east European men is not helpful to relationships, at all.

While the article is “entertaining” enough to read, it does not hold up to any type of critical thought. It’s yet another example of a subjective experience leading to generalizations and then the preaching of anecdotal truth.

Of course, fueling controversy also fuels traffic, which is directly proportional to advertising dollars and product sales. Here’s an article with 188k likes, 24 Signs She’s a Slut.

Again, it’s just another parade of uncertain generalizations, anecdotes and opinion. Honestly, I don’t even know what the fuck a “slut” is. If a woman is sexual, please remind me why it’s somehow a bad thing now. I vaguely get the sense that RoK wants more women who are sexually active (ie: girls who will fuck them instead of reject them, which I think is the underlying frustration of many of the site’s writers) so why does that article have an undercurrent of condescension? I can’t figure out what “Tuthmosis” wants. Do you WANT more “sluts” or are you trying to shame women for promiscuous behavior?

While RoK can be written off as a boorish site designed around fanning flames of controversy and making Roosh and friends filthy rich, there’s a bigger undercurrent of irrational, generalizing behavior among men’s sites that I think is a lot more serious.

For instance, the predominant theme on RoK, and many other sites, is that the root of all evil, all aspects of the broken western dating culture, the reason Susie never went out with you in 7th grade, and a number of other woes is because of one boogeyman: feminism.

I am quite critical of a lot of weird, offensive stuff coming out of the brains of certain writers on sites like Jezebel, Skepchick, and Radfem, such as the atrociously bad Schroedinger’s Rapist logical fallacy that is being trumpeted across the femosphere, which seems to promote paranoia and divisiveness.

Here’s an excellent rebuttal to this type of nonsense by The Factual Feminist:

However, feminism as a catch-all enemy is absurd. The unhealthy generalization thought-error manifests yet again when people bare witness to one example of crazy feminism, and then equate the entire, very broad women’s movement as being divisive and horrible.

This generalization does not hold water, either. Feminism is about a needed women’s movement. In parts of the world, women cannot vote, cannot drive cars, and routinely have acid thrown at their faces when they break rules. What the Men’s Rights crowd sometimes forgets is that women need a voice just like men need a voice. It doesn’t mean we have to be at odds. Just ignore the crazy people. Is that so hard?

These types of negative ideologies will hurt your social and love life. A woman who could be very compatible for you may also describe herself as a feminist. What will you do then? Will you unfairly prescribe your prejudiced opinion unto her, and destroy a potentially great relationship?

A mark of maturity is the power to overcome this tendency. And, by living with that sense of maturity, you will lead a happier life, with more fruitful relationships. When the world outside your home becomes painted in irreversible colors, you are limiting your own human experience.

Do not stereotype people, and do not generalize about a culture. By doing this, you are making the world a much darker place to live.

One of the reasons that I choose to go into weird places like North Korea is to further remove from my mind the tendency to stereotype people and places. Even some of the world’s most despised people, like the members of the Korean Worker’s Party, are also human beings with multi-faceted personalities (and partying with them was a great way to realize this).

Please, be mindful about the types of information you consume. Stay open-minded, and always treat one another like human beings; not representatives of ideologies, genders, or countries.

Huge Mistakes From Yesteryear’s PUA Movement

pua movement

I don’t think anybody likes the term “PUA” (pickup artist) anymore because it’s ridiculous. But, I still see guys using PUA principles in an effort to become better men or cure long romantic dry spells. Some of these behaviors still crop up even if the “PUA” culture is mostly on the way out. In this case the only thing you need to pick up is your right-hand and slap yourself silly if any of the following applies:

  • Putting Pussy on a Pedestal: The mantra of the pickup scene was always: get laid to be popular, get laid to earn respect. Most of us who were brought into the game by naivete learned that this mentality creates the diametric opposite of results. At the end of the day sex isn’t really that important, and sometimes it’s even a hassle. The West has made sex and scoring with genetically gifted women into something 10x more important than it ever really was. This is mostly because of advertising / Matrix thinking. Young guys often think like this anyway, and the PUA scene just exacerbated it.
  • Going to Nightclubs: Most people with any social experience eventually learn how going to nightclubs is a huge waste of time. Both PUA books (including “The Game”) and modern pop culture stresses how nightclubs are some mecca where guys get laid and super cool dudes are born. Nothing could be further from the truth.
  • Treating Women as Conquests: This is something I still see on certain Manosphere sites and it’s one of the reasons I made Developed Man, because I got extremely frustrated reading blog posts by certain authors who I felt were respectable, but were still calling women “targets”. Coaching guys a lot back in 2012, I discovered how this mindset is infectious and turns guys into social robots, which leads to…
  • Treating Women as a Different Species: Some guys back in the PUA scene could never last long in intimate relationships because they never really wrapped their minds around the fact that despite some biologically different impulses in regard to attraction, men and women are the same (humans). This also manifests among a few misogynistic offshoots of the Manosphere who have taken “bros before hos” to a new level of extreme. All of these ideas are not only unhealthy, but hurt your chances at relationships.
  • Obsession With Some Certain Type of “Hot Girl”: The PUA mentality had a lot of guys obsessed with proving their manliness to the world by going from geek to banging an “HB10″. What they don’t realize is that the sex and possible subsequent relationships are a lot more fulfilling if you think more about factors like: compatibility, her emotional intelligence, her honesty, and virtues. A woman who’s more down to earth is also far less likely to play games, initiate insanity / drama, or keep you running in circles.
  • Not Going to Social Events: When I was a college sophomore enticed by PUA material, I had read that “hot game” was like “cheating” and real men had to learn to “cold approach” women in various awkward settings. Total nonsense. This idea was spun so that guys buy more products. Nightclub game is hard for social beginners. Furthermore, daygame can be equally intimidating. By comparison expanding your social circle is easy and is guaranteed to bring women into your life. Go to charity events, Meetup.com groups, or host your own stuff. Meet lots of people, throw “openers” out the window, and just expand your social circle as your number one priority. Later on it’s good to test your comfort zone with meeting strangers in daylight settings, but don’t pin your entire love and sex life on it.
  • Pretending: The good sites on the “Manosphere” these days are committed to what I call the Men’s Self Development Movement. This has nothing to do with pretending to be someone cool. The PUA paradigm taught guys from day one to “fake it”. You’re geeky and socially awkward? Then buy really nice clothes and make up a bunch of stories about yourself. This advice is epically bad.
  • Practicing “Game” When You Don’t Need To: I saved this one for last, because I used to see guys do this *a lot*. Game is really social confidence and projecting yourself as a strong man, which women find attractive. That’s ALL it is. “Game” with quotation marks is rehearsing weird tips from books that don’t work. This might be acceptable in a venue full of strangers, but I used to see guys doing this shit in their offices, at parties, or among friends. You don’t need to “game” girls in these instances. It makes you seem like a loser at best, and a creepy fucking weirdo at worst. Not acting “normal” and putting on some type of weird front to talk to women is social suicide, and your friends will stop inviting you to parties and mixers. Guaranteed.

I hope my bit of tough love will put the nail in the coffin of your potential PUA habits, if you are unfortunate enough to have picked any up as you read men’s interest sites. For fun, I’d like to hear from you about the worst examples you’ve personally seen of guys awkwardly behaving like pickup artists. Leave a comment below.

Oh yeah, don’t forget you can e-mail me personally at this link, for any reason (except to spam me with Viagra advertisements. I don’t really need viagra at this stage in my life)

How to Behave Around the Most Beautiful Women

beautiful women

Every man must learn how to behave around the most beautiful women in the world. This is easily where the majority of guys fall short, and we desperately need some education on this matter. Really beautiful women are subject to a massive influx of unnecessary status, attention, jealousy, opportunities and calamities from all walks of life. This is because we live in a society that worships youth and beauty above almost everything else.

For this reason, your only chance of making friends with, or dating, a woman like this is by going outside the box completely. While a lot of men only fantasize about dating supermodels in Ibiza, some men are really doing it. Here’s some tips I’ve learned along the way:

Never Compliment Her Appearance: Duh, rule number-fucking-one. Telling a beautiful woman that she’s pretty is as awkward as asking an eskimo if he likes snow. The only exception to this rule is if you are eight years-old. It worked pretty good for me back then.

Be Wary of Other Compliments: Most men learn what chode behavior it is to tell a hot girl “you’re hot”, so they try to go “under the radar” to hand their value to them in more subtle ways. For instance, excessive compliments about their intelligence, writing skills or their shoes. Come on, give it a rest, they know what you’re doing (trying to win favor) and it will never work.

Never Treat Her as a “Thing”: Without realizing it, common male behavior toward genetically gifted ladies actually undermines them. After the 1000th man hits on her (by around age 17 or 18), a beautiful woman will start to feel like a walking rib roast in a town full of dogs. Men don’t realize it, but giving any added attention because of looks is akin to saying: “you’re a commodity because of your appearance”, and this makes women feel uncomfortable to put it lightly.

Focus on Making Her Laugh: Tease her, joke with her, and as many seduction coaches have put it: “treat her like your bratty little sister”. This immediately puts you in a whole new category of male.

Focus on Work: If you go to school or work with such a woman, focus on the job and don’t be like every other guy trying to take things “personal” by “getting to know her” (ie: asking about her life, what she likes, her favorite color, or other nonsense). The idea is to remain indifferent to her status as a high-status woman that every man wants. You have to be the exception to the rule. By doing this, she will generate interest in YOU and perhaps even ask you out!

Be Unavailable: Decidedly turning down offers of coffee, hanging out, or whatever is not a great idea when you’re with a girl who is not stunningly angelic and beautiful (she will just move on to someone else), but with the Perfect-10 dime pieces, since every guy is constantly TRYING to get with them, by having something better to do — you’ll become the cool guy she will never have to worry is going to pursue and 12 AM Facebook stalk her.

Tell Her She’s Beautiful AFTER You’re Dating Her: Beautiful women are insecure, freaked out age 30 or 35 will be unkind to them, and trying to keep up with better looking females getting better jobs in “hot girl industries” like modelling or acting. Once you’re with the girl, it’s your job to help keep her self-esteem up.

There’s Degrees of Beauty: I actually think there’s a difference between “hot” (not physically perfect, but sexual, personally appealing, the girl-next-door, etc) and “beautiful” (Olivia Wilde, for instance). The former category of “hot” is the majority of women you’re attracted to. The article you just read is about that 5-percentile of goddesses, and the rules are pretty specific. I’m curious what you think, though. What’s the difference between hot and beautiful? You can post via the Facebook comments on the bottom.

In Summary

Some people may tell you the only way to date a gorgeous woman is to either: be a celebrity DJ, a celebrity actor, or a total asshole. As it turns out, a lot of these women are sick of vain guys in show-business; and what they’re probably looking for are authentic men like yourself. So, that’s good news, isn’t it?

A Look at Nice Guys Who Are Really Assholes

A lot has been written about “nice guys”—from the famous Robert Glover book “No More Mr. Nice Guy” to countless lectures by top relationship coaches like David Wygant, David DeAngelo and plenty of others. The consensus is that “nice guys” are not really so nice at all and that they tend to have manipulative tendencies.

The reason for all of this attention to the adjective of “nice” is that it’s continually thrown around by guys and girls alike to describe idyllic male characteristics, and / or pushovers that are unattractive and unappealing: “He’s a nice guy” “I should date more nice guys” “I’m a nice guy, honest” “Why am I not attracted to nice guys and I only have sex with bad boys?”, and so forth.

To explore this issue further than what’s already been written about it, then it’s important to figure out what the adjective “nice” really means: pleasing, agreeable, or delightful. This is used to contrast male behavior with somebody who is, perhaps, loud, obnoxious, annoying, boisterous, arrogant, rude, impolite, or mean spirited.

According to some deluded advice, being a “nice guy” is so terrible that you should actually be an obnoxious fucking jackass as a proper alternative. Pumped up on testosterone, a lot of guys go through a phase like this in their teens and early twenties where they act crazy, uncaring and arrogant–up until they begin to realize how that behavior just doesn’t fly in the real world, and results in stuff like being fired or getting divorced.

The advantage to being a “nice guy” versus a jerk is that it means having the social skills necessary to come across in a pleasant way around people. Obviously, nobody likes to keep the company of anyone who puts others down.

Although being nice reaps less success than being a pushy bastard, it does result in a type of social back-and-forth approval from people, which is intoxicating in its own right. Th feeling that someone is “nice” stems from a reaction to our own internal emotions; somebody who’s pleasing, agreeable and delightful elicits short bursts of approval or comfort. This is, of course, a better feeling than being challenged or called-out by so-called “assholes”. So, it must be good, right?

The problem is that a world that’s agreeable and pleasant is a world that’s not conducive to the powerful forces of change. A person steeped in poor behavior, illusion or ignorance requires the power of conflict and disagreement to be set straight. One who adapts his behavior to continually flow with the linear path of the stream will not create enough force to push through the darkness in life. Therefore, many “nice guys” are of the “pushover” variety: the types of guys who would bend over backwards for the wrong types of people, and could be easily swayed into bad or even criminal behavior amidst their effort to please people. These types of guys act this way in an attempt to siphon as much approval as they possibly can, out of as many people as possible. It’s a tactic.

Further, the feeling of short-lasting approval that some people feel in the presence of a “nice guy” is also exploitable by talented actors. These are the infamous sociopathic nice guys. A swarthy salesperson, politican, or world-leader may exhibit these behaviors, but so may a guy who’s faking that he’s “boyfriend material” in a sleazy attempt to manipulate a woman into bed with him.

Both sociopathic “nice guys” and pushover, doormat “nice guys” are using fake behaviors to consciously further their own ends. However, there’s another “nice guy” to beware of: those who fake pleasant behavior without even realizing that they’re being fake.

Nice As Holier-Than-Thou Behavior

Even worse than people who put on fake fronts are guys who become self-assured they are “nice” as a response to perhaps psychological childhood damage, and have managed to fool themselves, as well as people around them. You may hear them say things like: “I’m not mad” “I never get mad” “I never yell” “I’m not yelling” “I’m not upset” “I’m a nice guy”—and they proceed to try and control you, manipulate you, and secretly hold grudges against you. This is the infamous passive aggressive personality, and it’s not fun to deal with.

This type of behavior is a result of people who are afraid of their own emotions, and have attributed their poor experiences in life toward people who are “not nice” and they are desperately trying to prove to the world they are not one of those people. Meanwhile, what they’re really doing is becoming a new type of terrible person—but now they’re doing it with a smile.

These are among the worst people to work with, have as managers, or to date.

Authentic People Are Not Always Pleasing or Accommodating

And now we get to the main point: high-quality people are identifiable because they don’t make the mistake of trying to keep people happy around them, all the time. They also remain at peace with concepts of conflict, enough to not need fake personas.

For one example, would a high quality man try to make a bad person happy? No. There is no reason to be generous in this nature to somebody who will only corrupt those good feelings.

Instead, a virtuous man is ready to accept—and deliver—conflict. As such, he does not tip-toe around these prospects. He may “tell it like it is” at any occasion under the sun, and he is not paralyzed by fear of rejection or disapproval.

At the same time, his honesty and strength of mind is done in combination with other virtues—open mindedness and general empathy, so he’s not tainted by mean-spiritedness or cynicism as he deals with people. He’s never walking into a social situation with a dark cloud over his head, passing judgments or approaching situations with pessimism.

When somebody possesses these virtuous characteristics along with an attitude that refuses to shy away from conflict, then what is created is a trait known as leadership.

Doormat “nice guys”, sociopathic “disguised nice guys”, and passive aggressive “nice guys” are not leaders, but are all emotionally unbalanced people who are either completely undeveloped or extremely self-centered and with little regard for the group or the community.

In addition, the blatantly disrespectful, gloomy, self-serving bastard who hates everybody and yells a lot is NOT a leader, either. Although, at the very least, he’s a bit more honest about the type of person he is, and is ultimately a lot easier to deal with.

So Who’s Really Mr. Nice Guy?

So, the “nice guys” are terrible models in business and love, just as the bastards and grim, cynical control-freaks also make life miserable. Obviously neither example is very “nice”. So, just who IS nice, really?

Oddly enough, it’s the authentic types of guys who become the ones who are really “nice”. I say this in the sense that they become “nice to be around”. There’s no lingering feeling in the backs of people’s minds that there’s something “off kilter” about their personalities. The more congruent a man is, the more he becomes “smooth” and the things that he says are more powerful.

This is pretty much the only type of guy to strive to become

So Do These Nice Guys Finish Last?

Now, you can stretch the “niceness” definition to include whether people possess empathic characteristics. The long-standing premise in society is that people who are NOT empathic, but are the sociopathic types—whether it is performed with a smile and the visage of niceness, or a snarky grimace—are the people who always get the last laugh, the job, or the girl.

The truth is… that this is a true concept! In fact, sociopathic, non-empathic people are more “successful” because the lack the emotional concepts required to feel bad when doing unto others allows them to manipulate, backstab, cheat and steal their ways to the top.

In the same breath, people also end up “on top” for the exact opposite reasons: through virtuous behavior, caring about people beneath them, supporting everybody around them, and being strong when it counts, without avoiding conflict. I notice in positions of power and leadership, I see both examples. Unfortunately, sometimes it’s not easy to identify who is who because the sociopathic types are the same “chameleon nice guys” who are great at pretending to be virtuous as a method of furthering their own ends—the trademark politician with a big smile and holding a baby, then when the sun goes down they’re snorting glittery designer cocaine off the tits of B-list pornstars while accepting massive bribes from lobbyists.

The dark side of the force truly yields quicker results. These types of people make it big, and this might be what spurs a man from a developmental age to grow into the next Gordon Gecko. However, what is often forgotten is that “bad guys” crash hard as their ruinous habits catch up with them. There are a lot of examples of this throughout history, from Enron executives to murderous rulers and royal families of antiquity who drown in their excess or end up staring at a bucket from under the shadow of a guillotine.

So, the moral or what I’m trying to say is that even the sociopathic “nice guy” who is actually walking over people, will ultimately fail. In addition, the guy who crushes his competition without regard for anybody and does not attempt to front a “nice guy” visage will, in the end, also fail.

“Nice” Is an Improper Definition

One final thought: “nice” is clearly being thrown around too indiscriminately. So, we have “nice guys” who are really creepy / unnerving / passive aggressive, nice guys who are human doormats and afraid of displeasing anybody, plus “nice guys” who are actually hiding evil sociopathic behavior. Finally, there are genuinely good natured people who are authentic, and are thus nice in their own ways.

When a woman says she wants a “nice guy” she’s probably referring to the last example. Yet, a self-described “nice guy” could also be one of the other three types, as well!

As you can imagine, there is a major problem of semantics going on. What’s needed are new, easy-to-remember adjectives for the types of “nice guys” that nobody really wants to be, while the term “nice guy” to reference authentic men has been too corrupted by the other examples to still be applicable. So, the genuine “nice guys” need a new definition, also.

Any examples come to mind? Are there any new adjectives for any of these personality types that we can start using? Please post your thoughts on the comments below (DevelopedMan.com has now enabled Facebook comment posting—so feel free to share your ideas).