How to Develop Your Archetypal Dangerous Male

archetypal male

When people ask me, “Cyrus, what is your main sticking point with women?” I give them a mouthful: my archetypal dangerous male persona is lacking.” That’s a lot to deal with, so let’s try to unpack it.
Continue Reading

How I Fixed My Game (And You Can Too)

game, seduction, pua

Probably everything you think you know about “game” is wrong. That is if your experience is only cursory level information via popular companies like RSD and their endless YouTube videos.

Continue Reading

When Beautiful Women Are Not Beautiful (Calling Out All Simps)

blonde

Today, I fear that we live in the age of simps. These are men who beg, grovel and plead for female attention. It has become so widespread in cities like Los Angeles that even completely average women can acquire 4,000, 5,000 or more Tinder matches in a short amount of time. Continue Reading

Is the No Fap Movement Something to Try? An Objective Analysis

no fapBy now, you’ve probably heard of the “No Fap” movement, which started on Reddit and has become a challenge for young men everywhere to abstain from masturbation.

The movement has a big mix of pros and cons. There are some definite advantages to “No Fap” that I’ll outline. But, there’s also some problems with the idea that I need to point out, which could even cause insecurity issues for young men.

Continue Reading

The 6 Types of Oneitis

oneitis Maybe you have heard the term “Oneitis” before. This is the natural tendency to get caught up on one girl.

It obviously affects both sexes, as well. I was with a girl recently who described her mind as being completely invaded by a bad experience with a guy she was starting to date. “He started flirting with all of these other girls in the club in-front of me, while ignoring me the whole night. He did it to make me jealous and think about him. It worked. I deleted his number, but now I’m obsessed about him. Somebody shoot me.”

Oneitis, in all it’s forms, exists because of premature feelings for someone, or more rarely (as in the case with the girl) because somebody is manipulating your feelings.

It is not something to be shameful of, because it’s natural to become attached to personalities. If we can feel attached to a character on a television show, we can feel attached to somebody we just met in real life. However, most of the time this behavior needs to be nipped in the bud early. Here are six ways that it manifests:

You Went on 1 or 2 Dates, Then She Disappeared

 
This is the hardest form of oneitis. The reason is because maybe something was actually sparked, but suddenly she’s not responding to your texts or calls. Now you have placed heavy emphasis on a budding relationship, and you sense the crushing feeling that it will lead to nothing.

This type of oneitis results in stalkerish phone-calls, texts, and e-mails trying to get her attention, typically to no avail. Some of this is the fault of the woman who prefers to be passive instead of straightforward. The man is left wondering what he did wrong, but in most cases she simply feels that dating you is a bad idea; maybe for personal reasons (there’s another man in her life), or for practical reasons (no time to enter a relationship).

What to Do: Don’t contact her ever again. It’s fine to send one message, voice mail or text to a girl. It’s up to her to keep the line from going dead. If you think to yourself “Maybe my last e-mail didn’t go through”, you’re deceiving yourself. Trust me, she knows. If you keep contacting her, when you finally do hear back from her, it will not be a very nice message.

You have a girlfriend, then you break up with her – and you cannot get your mind off her.

 
This is the oldest feeling in the world. Every guy experiences this. Again, perfectly natural, but not a productive attitude to foster.

What to Do: You were together with her, and you feel hurt because it ended. Bugging or contacting her incessantly will obviously do nothing to mend the situation; and even if it did mend, you’d be back to dating someone you probably shouldn’t. Every time you feel an urge to call or text, start doing something else; I normally don’t condone playing time-sucking video games, but if booting up World of Warcraft gets your mind off her, then do it.

You Are Currently Dating Her

 
This is a more insidious form of oneitis, because generally somebody you are seeing deserves your sole attention, right? That’s what dating is all about, isn’t it?

The answer is actually “no”. In truth, she has multiple men she’s courting. That’s just the reality of 21st century dating, unless you’re in some conservative, rural community. If you’re living in a city, and the girl is halfway attractive, then she has options. If you don’t have options too, then sadly you have lost power in that relationship.

I don’t like that dating even has to include the term “power”, but the reality of the situation is that when she knows she can walk away from you, and be immediately emotionally gratified by a host of other men who desire her, then she has very little at stake with you.

What to Do: If you find yourself thinking about the girl 24 / 7, I encourage you to at least contact some female friends; or that one girl who you know has a crush on you on your Facebook feed. Remind yourself that women are not a scarce commodity in your life. Few men actually cultivate other women in their radius, which is not good. Instead, it’s best to match what she is also undoubtedly doing.

Obviously, don’t cheat – but at least you’ll know there’s plenty of options if things don’t work out with her. You’ll be less attached to that relationship, and it will even improve the relationship.

You Don’t Know Her and She Rejected You

 
One time a woman in a club looked me square in the eyes and said: “You are a creep, get the fuck away from me”. Her words echoed in my head for over a month; am I really a creepy? How could I have fallen so far in my life? Depression actually ensued because of this (I was pretty young at the time).

I saw her again 3 months later in the same venue. She did not remember me, obviously; she approached me at the bar and started hitting on me. For whatever reason, she was in hyper-bitch mode that night, but it was no reflection of reality, or else she would not have found me attractive after seeing me again (no, I did not get revenge on her, despite the temptation).

The moral lesson is that I had developed an acute form of oneitis over her; obsessing about her words and how they reflected my identity as a man. Because she was attractive physically, I placed unnecessary importance on her, putting value on her bullshit.

What to Do: Learn more about the nature of rejection and how it has no reflection on who you really are. if you really are pushy / needy / creepy, work on yourself more, or read a book to straighten out your inner game.

She’s Your Friend and You Crush On Her

 
Now we’re getting into genuine unhealthy, poor behavior. It’s fine to have female friends, it’s even OK to have female friends you are attracted to, but as soon as you begin THINKING about her constantly, you’re in trouble. There’s no reason to do this, it will destroy your friendship with her, and it will not increase your odds of dating her someday.

What to Do: Re-evaluate what you’re doing with your life. Ask yourself why you are coming from a position of scarcity. Change your thoughts to an inner frame of reference; take a look at your job, your lifestyle, what you do on Friday nights. Figure out what needs improvement, so you can draw value from more important things.

You Don’t Know Her, She Works at Starbucks

 
On a gradient scale, this is the unhealthiest form of oneitis. It’s the precursor to actual stalker behavior. It is when a man becomes obsessed with a woman he doesn’t even know.

Strangely, Hollywood says this behavior is fine, and it could even be the plot line for a romantic comedy. In real life, it’s not so funny. It’s fine to be attracted to some waitress you like, but unless you talk to her and try to act on it, those thoughts you are festering will become toxic, bad behavior.

What to Do: Do not go to the venue where she works anymore. There is no reason to put any woman on a pedestal, at anytime – so why do it to a stranger? You must evaluate the core reasons behind your behavior, as it’s likely due to a scarcity of women in your life, and a sense of inferiority.

You may also be suffering from delusions of grandeur, imagining your life with someone you don’t know so that you fulfill some empty void in your heart. Instead of filling that void with fantasy, fill it with personal love and appreciation for yourself.

In Summary

 
Oneitis is always the result of a feeling of scarcity. We become attached to one person, and forget that other people in the world exist. In the event that someone really is special to us (and is not some girl at Applebees you are stalking), then it’s not necessary to forget someone; but it IS necessary to seek experiences with other humans, to realize that no matter how special one person was, there are millions of other special people in the world, as well.

The Terrible Temptation of Bragging

First of all, I have no idea who this is a picture of. He was on the Wikimedia creative commons page for the keyword “arrogant” and he definitely looks the part. However, I have to offer my utmost apologies to whoever this guy is who I just made into the personification of a “bragger”.

One of the worst social mistakes a man (or anybody) can make is the “brag”, a statement, comment, or response framed as a self-assurance of one’s own accomplishments.

For men trying to meet women, it can also be the final factor to assure that he’ll never get a return phone-call.

To understand the absurdity of the brag, let’s examine just the basics of why a person would even do it.

Bragging is Either to Relieve Anxiety, or to Manipulate

These are the two only psychological reasons why a person would boast about himself.

The first is the very weak phenomenon of self-assurance. In a situation where a person feels insecure, he may try to prop himself up so that he feels less anxiety about the situation.

For instance: a guy at an exclusive party for film-makers feels out of place and insecure. He may try to brag about his minor accomplishments with a student film he created years ago.

The only thing that this communicates is: “Please help me fit in. I feel like less of a man. Please tell me I’m worth something to you and that it’s OK to be here.”

Obviously, this sends the exact opposite message; that he’s an outsider who is clutching at straws. This behavior is extremely transparent.

The second motivation for bragging is as a very shrewd attempt to manipulate a person’s favor.

For instance, let’s say you’re among a group of industry professionals. You really have made some great accomplishments in your field. However, not everybody around you knows about what you believe to be an entitled sense of prestige. And, that intoxicating feeling of power you get when people bow to you has now become a craving.

So, you look for ways to inject your accomplishments into the conversation.

“Yeah, that was like the time I released an app that sold 1.4 million copies. Well, not quite.”

The typical reaction to this type of bragging is a sort-of feigned positivity by the audience.

“Wow, that’s really impressive. How did you do that?”

This is because our brains seem to register facts more quickly than personality assessments. Unfortunately, the quasi-positive reactions only serve to fuel the bragger’s misconstrued idea that he’s not committing social suicide.

When the party is over, that’s when people get together and unanimously agree that the guy was a douchebag.

Understand that it’s this very motive, to try and prop oneself up at the expense of others, that is so unhealthy. From cocktail parties to dates, it makes everybody uncomfortable.

How to Show Value Without Bragging

I would suggest to look at how very accomplished men behave themselves socially. For instance, Bill Gates, Bill Clinton, Richard Branson. If you dig around YouTube, you’ll find plenty of examples.

What you won’t find is these guys bragging. Ever. They know what they’re worth, they have absolutely no need to reassure themselves, or others, of their value.

However, they allow their actions and who they are to speak for themselves.

This means they do not hesitate to provide their wisdom and ideas to people. They only talk about their accomplishments after they are asked about them.

For instance, if somebody asked Clinton, “gee, you sure know a lot about politics, why is that?”

At this point, it would be socially acceptable for Clinton to list his accomplishments (and, in this case, inquire if the person had been living in a cave his entire life).

In Summary

Bragging is a seriously bad habit that you MUST shake off. If you feel a desire to constantly obtain social approval and acceptance, then you must work on yourself to find the root causes of these desires. Bragging is typically a mere symptom of a bigger disease known as insecurity.

What Do You Think?

How do you feel around people who brag? Does it make you uncomfortable, or do you disagree? What was the worst example of a bragger you ever dealt with?

Do you like what you’re reading on Developed Man? Support us by joining our mailing list. (Beware of Gmail’s “promotions” tab that may eat your confirmation letter and our e-mails).

A Complete Guide to Approach Anxiety

approach anxiety

I promised I would write about approach anxiety one of these days. So, we’ve finally arrived at that point. This term is rooted squarely in the rise of the seduction and “advice for meeting girls” community; but may have existed before then in the world of cold-sales.

Continue Reading

Obvious Dating Mistakes You’re Probably Still Making

dating mistakes

The funny thing about learning how to succeed with the ladies is that our memory recognition is extremely bad. My theory is that it relates to left-brain, right-brain relations. Logically, when we hear good dating advice, our left-brain processes it and it sounds like a great idea. However, once our emotional right-brain takes over, all that important information just seems to disappear. This is why when you’re pissed off or horny, you start saying and doing stupid shit.

So, in honor of our unreliable right-hemisphere, let’s go over some of the dating mistakes you’re probably still committing despite your best effort to eradicate them.

Messaging or Calling Too Much: Thinking about a girl you just met? Did you succumb to your temptation to message her on Facebook with something like”Hello Susan! It was nice talking to you the other day!”? Are you wondering why she’s not responding to you? Because she just put you in the “needy” pile. That’s all it takes–one unwarranted message–and you’re finished. You’re better off not pursuing like this, at all. The only exception is if she’s already crazy about you, then unexpected messages on social media or voice-mails might be OK, but it’s very easy to push it too far.

Proceeding Forward Despite Clear Warning Signs to Stop: Hornyness and desperation are the most common culprits of this dating mistake. If a girl becomes the “psycho girlfriend” meme two hours after meeting her; it’s really best to not keep fanning that flame, (unless you are into psychotic women, which is another issue).

Bringing Up Exes or Other Forbidden Topics: There’s a lot of stuff that you have to remember to just not talk about. Awkward conversational topics can destroy the attraction, especially topics that are brought up too soon. Aside from exes, don’t babble about your job or other boring facts of yourself. Just let her experience your personality.

Not Taking Anything Physical: While it might be a bit intimidating to make that first move and go in for a kiss (and hopefully more), not giving this a shot is a huge dating mistake. Without breaching that barrier, you’re on a one-way train to friend-zone. If she does reject you for kissing her, just brush it off and move onward.

Setting Up a Boring Date: If you decide to go “traditional” and ask her to go to dinner with you, there better be a LOT of chemistry already happening beforehand (which means she’ll be happy no matter WHAT you do with her). Otherwise, expect a lot of chewing and not much interacting. Look for any fun activity with her, even miniature golf is a better bet than going to dinner.

Staking Too Much on Her: Desperation is one of those hidden vices that you won’t even realize is happening. Nonetheless, be careful of putting too much importance on any bird you’re seeing. A lot of times, it doesn’t last that long, so enjoy it while it does–and for goodness sake, don’t act creepy.

When to Call Her, And Other Phone Rules

Girl talking on the phone

Ever since Alexander Graham Bell and Edison first came up with the telecommunications concept, which thrusted modern society into the beginnings of the great age of information (which is currently at its zenith), men from around the world immediately realized the potential to have easier dating lives. However, just as quickly as men discovered the benefit of collecting digits from women, there also came an error of human psychology; women were not always so receptive to that next-day phone-call. And thus, with the age of information came the global crisis of men obsessing about “when to call her”.

The reason women are sometimes less receptive to that all-important next-day phone-call is because it requires a level of commitment that most women simply do not feel after an initial meeting. That, and women are more emotionally centered than men are, so if the emotions she first felt around you, whether joy laughter or ecstasy, are not felt in the moment that she picks up the telephone amidst a splitting a headache, then you’re out of luck, bub!

However, humans continue to procreate as a result of Bell’s most interesting device, so somewhere, somehow, men have figured out when to call her appropriately, how to woo her over the telephone, and successfully schedule an additional meeting. How do they do it? We’ve broken it down for your enjoyment and educational pleasure with these DevelopedMan.com Calling Rules:

Rule #1 Build Up a Lot of Rapport First: Here’s the main reason that most schmucks experience nothing but cold shards of ice during the next-day phone-call; they didn’t properly enter her life first. The idea of serendipity on the street is sadly overplayed by Hollywood, and I’ve never seen it happen. I’ve had great chemistry with women only to have them disappear upon handing over their digits. There’s common threads why this happens: she doesn’t feel like she “knows” you yet. I would not even expect a successful phone interaction unless you spend a minimum of four hours together first.

Rule #2 Don’t Schedule a Date First: Here’s something counter-productive, imagine calling her but NOT scheduling a date. Your aim instead is to have a conversation that’s fun or stimulating. You want her to FORGET that she’s having an awkward “next-day phone-call” with some dude. So, what do you do instead? Well, pick up a conversational thread from the night prior–ask her how her X, Y, Z that you talked about is coming along.

Rule #3 Get Her to Laugh or Feel Silly: Creating banter is a whole topic that could be delved into with much greater detail (perhaps in another article). As we know, playfulness and banter are things you cannot force to happen. If it does occur, however, that’s excellent–allow it and encourage it– fan those flames. Lightheartedness is the key to a woman’s heart, and it immediately lessens the high-pressure dynamic of a phone-call.

Rule #4 Call Her Soon: And now, to answer the grand question of “when to call her” — the answer is actually soon, like the next morning. Yep, ignore what they said in “Swingers”. Why soon? Because the longer you wait, the more AWKWARD it gets (“Oh, it’s the guy from last Thursday, why is he calling me? Oh, god.”)

IN SUMMARY: So, what is a successful phone call? It’s one where it’s done quickly, where there is no pressure and no immediate plans are made, yet you guys bantered for an hour like old friends, chatting about tons of different things, and she suddenly feels comfortable talking to you and she’s hoping you are going to call her again. At such a point, “asking her out” becomes a no-brainer because she wants to see you really badly. Viola.

The Demonstration of Higher Value – A New Guide

Here’s an acronym you may have heard before: a “DHV”, or a demonstration of higher value. On the topic of seduction, this was (and continues to be) a big deal. It’s the idea of implanting certain “spikes” into your conversation to show your high-quality characteristics without directly stating them—which would be bragging.

Most famously, a person would spin a tale about helping some ex-girlfriend out of a bad situation in order to demonstrate both his pre-selection by other women (the existence of girlfriends) and his ability to look out for loved ones. And, based on further evolutionary psychobabble, these traits activate switches in a woman’s mind that a man is a worthy suitor. Presto, seduction accomplished (or one phase of it, anyway).

Hmmm….

Like a lot of advice created in the seduction community, I’d approach this topic with a grain of salt. If there’s a single thing that made me overthink my “game” back when I was a college sophomore, it was probably this.

Hitting up a lot of clubs in 2006 and 2007, it became obvious when I’d see guys trying to mack on girls after filling their heads with stuff like this:

“Yeah, so I was driving my yacht the other day and you wouldn’t believe what happened, I saw my ex-girlfriend on the shore and she was being attacked by a wild bobcat. So I stopped the yacht and saved her…”

WTF?

I have some news: talking like this is still a form of bragging, anybody with a shred of social acumen can sense it. I doubt it improves your chances with any woman, and if you do meet a lady after concocting DHV laden stories, I’d bet my money your success was unrelated to your technique.

However, the demonstration of higher value is still a real thing, it’s just the actual way to do it was inaccurately described when seduction-celebrity Mystery, or whoever it was, cooked up the idea in the early 2000s.

How to Really Create a Demonstration of Higher Value

The DHV is still a great way to massively improve your success in business, romance, and various other areas, and it’s something I highly recommend doing. It’s just that demonstrating value is not performed in the way that was commonly taught.

In Business and the Social Ladder

The greatest way to move up the social ladder and network with high-rollers is by showing value. The way to do it is twofold:

Treat people Equally: don’t butter up rich or famous people, but aim to be a friend or partner who accepts them unconditionally. So, be an ear of support, and have the ability to listen and offer thoughtful feedback. These are traits not commonly possessed, and the rich and powerful will want these types of people in their social circles. Furthermore, never directly recognize their social status; treating that billionaire CEO like any other normal friend of yours will yield a lot of respect.

Offer Real Utility: Whether in the form of sound-advice or actual services, be happy to help people. Never say you plan to accomplish X, Y, Z. Instead, simply do it, and let them decide if they want to compensate you or not. Through being somebody who acts, and does not talk, you’ll enter the top percentile of valuable people.

In Sex and Romance

Showing value to a woman is a bit different from showing value socially or in business. A high-value man is identified by whether his mannerisms match that of other sexually sought after men.

Non-Attachment: The best DHV in the world is to remain unaffected by a beautiful woman. High-value men may be surrounded by sexual options, so they don’t put unnecessary weight on a particular woman, and as it turns out—women like this. To practice this is as simple as never fawning over a pretty girl and to never hand over one ounce of your power in return for her favor.

Tease: Secondly, you can tease her, but not in a creepy, passive-aggressive or try-hard way: simply communicate with her as an equal, and if the opportunity arises, joke with her. There are tons of resources on the web for learning banter and humor, and this demonstrates value in many powerful ways. This is a true DHV.

What Happens: When a beautiful woman meets a man who’s completely unplugged from traditional social programming about treating her with special attention, like a princess, or any type of clingy behavior, that man becomes extremely interesting to her. So much that within minutes of behaving this way with a gorgeous girl, a puzzled look may appear on her face, followed by rapid attempts to qualify herself (which you can respond to with a bit of reassurance that you enjoy her company).

In Addition: Acts of heroics are definitely a massive value spike when demonstrated versus passively talking about it, but unless you’re Ryan Gosling, I wouldn’t depend on these moments as a way to impress the ladies.

However, through being a good-hearted guy who tries to help out, you can increase your authentic value by helping people in a selfless way—and this definitely won’t harm your success!

In Summary

The demonstration of higher value is actually performed “behind the scenes”, it is never done through hitting somebody over the head with injected lines related to past girlfriends, expensive merchandise or feats of heroism.

On the other hand, actions speak much louder than words. In business, never make empty promises, but always be making a direct impact through offering value, even if it’s just through being great, positive company. In romance, don’t explain your value, but show it by behaving in a way that is attractive. In essence, you must BE it rather than wear it like a cheap costume, and then you will have really great results.

If you liked this post, please consider signing up to our newsletter at this link to help the community grow.

How to be Honest and Authentic to Enhance Your Success

How to be honest

Maybe it’s because of a late-stage quarter-life crisis, but as I get older I find myself becoming more honest about the shit that’s wrong with my life. I’ve also discovered the therapeutic nature of coming clean about these faults, and how it seems to enhance my social confidence on a number of levels.

A lack of authenticity means you are lying both to yourself, and to others, about things like your faults or weaknesses. This is a result of a feeling that it’s necessary to cover-up perceived flaws. Often, this is a very conscious effort, stemmed from a belief that other people are greater than you, and it’s necessary to lie to achieve equal footing.

Guys who are very concerned about status, what others think of them, and society’s expectations tend to be the most dishonest and inauthentic types of people. Or, they fall into weird, faux “nice guy” behavior.

In actuality, poor authenticity murders your chances with women. If you’re browsing this site looking for tips on how to meet girls, I’d suggest start by learning how to be honest as a way to jump-start this area of your life. Dishonesty, on multiple levels, creates the vibe of “swarthiness”, which is an attraction killer. Conversely, vulnerability and openness build strong connections.

Here are 9 ways to immediately become more authentic.

Come Clean About Faults through Self Deprecation

On a daily basis, your ego is wrestling with apparent shortcomings, whether they’re social stigmas or insecurities from childhood. The best way to come forward about these things is self-deprecating humor. Don’t overdo it, but if your situation in life is shit and you’re living out of your car, then humorously invite people to your Toyota after-party. In time, you will begin to own your shortcomings, versus allowing them to own you.

Put Yourself at Mercy

Another way your ego prevents you from learning how to be honest is by creating a self-defense system akin to the “Star Wars” program developed by the U.S. government during the Cold War. When people make mistakes, usually the first instinct is to cover it up, or even attack the attacker in a barrage of ego-defense laser-guided missiles.

Instead, when you make even mild mistakes—like at work—put yourself on the line and become the first to quip at your own incompetence. People around you have no reason to be harsh or condemning if it’s obvious you’re very aware of your own shortcomings. By doing this, you’ll never experience the feeling of having to “cover up” your tracks.

Example: “No, I didn’t file the report like you asked, either I’m going crazy, I’m incompetent, or both”…and then, obviously remedy your mistake.

It takes a real man to admit he’s wrong.

Admit to Vices

Another way inauthenticity enters our lives is when we live in the shadows of what we’re afraid to admit we like to do.

While I don’t think it would be a good idea to openly tell your work associates that you enjoy being tied up and spanked like a baby, there are less socially damning vices that you shouldn’t be self-conscious about.

For instance, if you play a lot of video games, fess up about it with people, and never lecture others about similar hobbies. Or, if somebody asked you what you did on Sunday and you spent the day watching reruns of “Married With Children” in your underwear, don’t enthusiastically respond with “I exercised, read some Dostoyevsky, and made a few hundred dollars on the stock exchange” because you feel it’s the most sophisticated or appropriate response.

Instead, tell them the honest-to-God truth, or else you’re deceiving yourself.

Tell People What Bothers You

Your friend tracked some dirt into your house, right after you vacuumed, and it keeps coming back to the forefront of your thoughts. Do you A: conceal it and fester about it, B: yell at them, or C: point it out and ask them to be careful in the future?

“B” and “C” are appropriate responses, but obviously “B” is very reactive and socially uncouth. Nevertheless, hiding your intentions or feelings is another way that people act inauthentic, and so even being harsh is better than festering and saying nothing, otherwise known as conflict avoidance.

Of course, the best tactic is “C”, so grace your disapproval with adequate social skills, and be quick to point out your disappointment.

Avoid Bragging And Compliment Fishing

Bragging operates in the following way: bragger accomplishes a merited task, bragger wonders why there is a lack of recognition for the significant deed, bragger begins to fish for approval, bragger receives approval and feels momentarily satisfied, OR bragger receives apathy or annoyance, and responds with passive aggressive hostility.

The root cause of bragging is insecurity. Everybody wants to feel accepted or to gain recognition, and this is fine (and perhaps it’s one of those vices you should admit to), but the sense of insecurity can run deep into your bloodstream, requiring incessant approval of accomplishments. If this is you, immediately confront yourself about it.

One clever way to brag in an “authentic way” is to state your intentions by prefacing whatever you’re about to brag about with your desire to achieve social feedback, IE: “I’m whoring myself out for approval so here’s the really cool piece of art I made, if anybody wants to comment on it feel free”.

At least this way, you’re not masking your desire for approval.

When the Truth Hurts, Tell it Anyway

The easiest way to learn how to be honest is to state facts even at the risk of confrontation.

Obviously, white lies are necessary at certain points, and you should not forego this practice when it’s necessary. However, do you ever find yourself lying just to avoid minor confrontations about things? Examples: “Yeah, I paid the electric bill” “Yup, I changed the oil after I borrowed your car, just like you asked” “I’m on a diet now, I swear” “No, I don’t think you gained weight over the summer, at all” “It’s your baby”

(Joking about the last one, obviously).

The funny thing about being honest is that sometimes people get pissed off at first, but in the long run you earn their respect. As an experiment, I made a policy with my last girlfriend to “never lie”, which would mean doing unthinkable things like telling her if she gained some weight or needed to put on makeup. We fought a lot at first, but later on our relationship became extremely trustworthy (and remains so today, actually, even after we had to separate because of distance. I’m still the guy she can ask about anything in the world and receive honest answers).

Do What You Say, No Matter What

Everybody knows “that guy” who is all talk, and nothing to show for it. Sometimes it’s on big levels (“I’m starting a business and it’s going to soar!”) or micro levels (“I’m doing my laundry today, I swear!”) but either way, whatever they say just doesn’t get done, and their promises become as hollow as their pitiful results.

Don’t be that guy. The best way to avoid this behavior is avoid any type of promise you feel reservations about. In addition, complete tasks without the expectation of approval. To be the type of guy who shows versus tells is going to create massive success in your life.

In my worldly experience, places like Los Angeles and Las Vegas are filled with people who make entire careers out of empty promises, and quality people can’t stand them!

Avoid Routines and Gambits

The more your social life is held up by the crutches of routines and fake personalities, the more it will eventually suffer.

Many people who constitute the currently small reader-base of Developed Man are friends or acquaintances in the seduction community, and sometimes these people become accustomed to the idea of scripted material and lines to meet women.

Actual, popular guys don’t need to do this kind of stuff. Over time, those routines become affixed to your personality, and your presentation morphs into something as fake as a three dollar bill.

Avoid this.

Put Your Feelings on the Line

So, as I explained at the beginning of this article, I’ve learned the therapeutic nature of putting yourself “out there” versus covering up weaknesses or flaws. Obviously, it’s not a good idea to be constantly weeping around everybody, but from time-to-time you should just come clean with friends and family about what’s working in your life, and what isn’t.

You’ll find most people are sharing similar plights as you are. Whether it’s a lack of money, relationships, or the crushing weight of comparing your dreams versus short term necessity, the human experience is surprisingly familiar among all who participate in it, and there are a lot of people willing to help you along the way when you learn how to be honest with yourself.

What Do You Think?

I just finished installing a Facebook component of Developed Man, which means you should now be able to add notes directly from your FB page by scrolling down to the comments field. If you find this article interesting, feel free to share your thoughts. If you disagree with it, I’d also like to hear from you.

I launched this site less than 3 weeks ago now. It’s a slow process of building a community. If you’re one of this site’s ongoing readers, I ask you to please eek out these early stages as I find a rhythm that best works as this thing is built.

In the meantime, you can help it grow by joining the mailing list, which you can sign up through the form below.

Thanks for reading!

The Signs She’s Interested in You – The Ultimate Guide

signsshesinterested

There is a clear definition of failing at “game”, or not living up to the proper standards of a man. It does not involve getting laid X number of times, having the most beautiful girlfriend in your city, or other unattainable, outcome-dependent goals. Failure in this sense is allowing opportunities to pass you by; or to be socially oblivious to the signs she’s interested in you. This is something you can directly change for the positive, and if you don’t–you’re in trouble.

This is because failing in this area means losing the vast majority of opportunities with women, and probably even pissing a lot of girls off who are otherwise trying to get with you. In my life, there was a time when I was socially oblivious to the signals that girls sent to me. When I was 20 / 21, I remember a beautiful girl in my apartment complex with incredible eyes, always trying to invite me out to some type of campus outing. I never paid much attention to her because, of all things, I believed she wasn’t serious and I wasn’t worthy! This is because of years of brainwashed behavior and a lack of confidence.

Today, things are different. I can immediately pick up on signals, and I never let opportunities pass me by. The only time I ever felt like I’ve “failed” at game is back when I was stupid enough to ignore the signals of women, although even today sometimes I’ll still miss an opportunity and smack myself in the face for it after. It happens to everybody, so just don’t make it into an ongoing habit.

To prevent yourself from making these egregious mistakes, I’ve created a complete list of IOI’s (Indicators of Interest) that women may present at any time, plus some analysis—including how you should respond.

Indicator of Interest 1: Playing With Her Hair

There’s a bunch of evolutionary psychobabble about why girls do this; related to our primate ancestors who would comb themselves to show they are ready to be groomed by a male ape. Whether this is true or not, women tend to touch their hair while they talk to guys they like; and it may just be a result of a girl becoming self-conscious of her hair because she wants the guy to be attracted to her, and she subconsciously fixes her appearance. What to Do: Keep talking to her, because she likes you and is attracted at that moment. Take her hand in yours or touch her on the shoulder.

Indicator of Interest 2: Face Close to Yours

Here’s a clear signal a girl is turned on: her face is near yours, by even an inch closer than “normal”. If this occurs in a nightclub, it means she wants you to kiss her. What to Do: if it’s a club, then kiss her! If it’s on a date, then push it by drawing closer and figuring out where her comfort level is, and kiss her if she allows you to come into her airspace and there’s clear chemistry.

Indicator of Interest 3: She’s Talking to You

Yes, this is an IOI! If a girl is going out of her way to initiate conversation with you, it’s because she enjoys your company and is trying to get you stay around. What to Do: Keep the conversations going, and spike it with some fun or exciting topics related to love, sex and romance.

Indicator of Interest 4: She’s Touchy, Feely

This is when a girl runs up to you, hugs you, grabs your arm a lot, and so forth. This is an invitation. If you don’t respond to this with at least a bit of sexual intent, you may be hurdled into the friend zone vortex of death. What to Do: Respond to the touch: spin her around, pull her close to you, aim for close face-to-face proximity, and if she allows that, then kiss her.

Indicator of Interest 5: She Asks What You’re Doing Later

Sometimes a girl will ask this out of the blue, and as a socially unintelligent guy my thought used to be “Why is she asking this question?” and I’d respond with some dumb shit. In reality, she’s asking you this because she wants you to ask her out with you right then and there, or she wants to go home with you. What to Do: Assume she wants to hook up with you, so say “Well I’m going to chill at my place, I don’t have any problems if you come by after 8 I suppose.”

Indicator of Interest 6: Proximity

This is when a stranger walks up to you and stands close to you, even while she’s facing her friends and chatting with them. This is rarely unintentional. What to Do: Touch her shoulder, lean over and ask how her night is going, or introduce yourself.

Indicator of Interest 7: She Hands You Her Drink to Sip

Seen this one more than a few times, and it’s interesting: what she’s doing is breaking the “cootie barrier” and showing how she’s comfortable getting intimate with you. Don’t ignore it. What to Do: If it’s a sucker, lollipop or food, it means she wants to make out with you. If it’s a drink, it’s a bit more subtle, but I’d respond by putting my arm around her waist and keeping it there, escalating the physical sexual tension a bit, and eventually aim to kiss her. Also, keep sharing that drink back and forth!

Indicator of Interest 8: She Brightens Up When You Approach Her

As you approach multiple women in a venue: the ones who seem to “shut down” as you approach them will generally waste your time and remain icy to your company. But, sometimes you’ll meet a girl and her eyes will go wide and she’ll be really happy to meet you. This means various subliminal, psychic connections somehow made you guys a “match” and she immediately expressed it. What to Do: Do NOT sever the conversation. Push forward. This is her invite to talk to her.

Indicator of Interest 9: She’s Qualifying Herself

When a woman is “giving away her value” by trying to explain how she’s a good girlfriend, a good lover, a good person to date—then what she’s doing is expressing her interest to get romantically involved with you, and she views you as the selector—a high value male. What to Do: If you DO like her in return (and that’s a big “if”!) then express how you like the qualities she’s insecure about, and then—you guessed it, take things to the next level by escalating the touch and hopefully kissing her sooner than later.

Indicator of Interest 10: She Smiles at You

What motivation does a woman have to smile at a guy if it’s not because she’s attracted to him in some way? There is none! A smile is like a cry for help—she sees you, wants to initiate something, but doesn’t know how. What to Do: You could say “I like your smile, I’m X X, what’s your name?” or any other type of direct approach. In this case, you have to be aggressive, or else the smiling girl on the street will quickly pass you by. So be FAST!

In Closing

The important thing to remember is that you can’t force a woman to feel attracted to you and to begin expressing these signs she’s interested. The mistake a lot of men make is that they think they can “win” a girl by repeatedly beating the drum with “pickup techniques” until she starts to warm up. In reality, repeated studies have shown that women determine if they like you within seconds of meeting you. Only sometimes will they warm up after a date or after they have spent more time with you, but more often than not if there’s no signals at first, then there won’t be anything later on.

If at any point a girl begins showing these signs she’s interested in you, then do NOT make the mistakes I used to make—do not ignore them or second-guess them. Always act on them. Doing anything less would be betraying your own integrity.

Finally, keep in mind the best way in the world to meet women is to look for these signals as early as possible, and then stick with the girls who like you. Wasting your time with people who feel mediocre about your presence will not accomplish anything for anybody.

A Guy’s Guide to Handling Conflict

handling conflict

In my life I’ve noticed two extremes: men who compulsively avoid conflict, and those who seem to seek it out. Obviously, neither strategy is very good. For this article, I’d like to talk about the types of conflict we encounter in our day-to-day lives, and how deal with each situation. This way, you’ll be better prepared the next time you have to show your teeth against a rival, and handling conflict can then become a skill you can truly adopt.

Friend to Friend Conflict

The Situation: A friend has pissed you off by owing you money, messing up your schedule, or otherwise being thoughtless.

In this case, in my experience, it’s best to be direct and forceful among friends. You must place strong barriers around yourself, even against people you know very well. If you don’t do this, it’s possible to get severely walked over. Most friends you keep should be equitable and honest people, but every now and then somebody enters our lives that continually “pushes the envelope” and tries to get away with as much as possible without being caught. It’s an unfortunate part of their personalities.

These types of people are used to being disciplined by getting yelled at. In fact, throughout their whole lives parents, peers and bosses have grounded them or punished them for misbehavior. This is, unfortunately, the only way to keep them in line. You’ll know these types of people due to their relative indifference to being yelled at. Whereas most people feel sensitive about being yelled at, these sorts expect you to give them hell.

If you don’t create a strong personal boundary, you’ll be indirectly inviting them into your private space to assert their control over your life. You don’t want this to happen. You have to stand up for yourself.

Employee to Boss Conflict

The Situation: You have a condescending, jackass supervisor who puts you down.

This is one of the trickiest conflict scenarios I can think of. Sometimes we encounter low quality people who become drunk off the slightest amount of power. What these people are doing is blurring the lines between professionalism and high-school clique behavior. You’ll notice jackass supervisors keep an inner circle of their “preferred” employees, sometimes even based on things like age or race, and outsiders are treated like dirt.

The solution is a bit complicated: you have to establish strong workplace value by ensuring your numbers are soaring. If it’s retail, maximize your customer service and sales. If it’s project development, be the most efficient guy in the office.

At this point, the jackass supervisor’s sway over you becomes less strong, especially if management above him notices your hard work. When you’ve leveraged some of your own power, you can begin standing up for yourself more strongly.

If the harassment continues, you may have to go “nuclear”: jeopardize your own employment by calling him out to upper management, file a report of workplace discrimination, or if the situation is unfixable—give your two weeks notice and let upper management figure out why their branch manager is causing good employees to quit.

AMOG in Bar Conflict

Here’s one of my favorite situations for handling conflict.

Situation: when a “bro” in a bar (or the famous acronym: Alpha Male of the Group) tries to devalue you. I notice venues with high ratios of vacationing frat-boys have the highest incidence of AMOGs, such as Venice Beach, LA and Pacific Beach, SD.

9 times out of 10 it’s because the AMOG considers you a sexual threat. When you go into a bar or club and you start approaching / talking to women, you’re going to get tooled. Their rationale is to out-frame you, and make you appear low-value to the eyes of the women they’re competing for.

The Solutions: There’s a number of fun ways to handle this, and all of them involve negating the frame they’re trying to oppose. The WRONG way to handle this is by responding defensively, and even worse is to respond offensively. For instance, when a big, dumb dude AMOGs another big, dumb dude, it usually results in a bar-fight. That’s never what you want. Instead, my favorite technique is to radically misinterpret their frame and remain completely non-reactive.

AMOG: “Hey bro, you look kind of like that guy from Harry Potter, what’s his name, Ron Weasley?”

You (to AMOG): “Definitely garden salad sandwiches are my favorite, number two is probably tuna.”

AMOG: ??

One weakness to this approach is that you’re still responding to him versus simply blocking him out. Most of the time it’s better to just plow past their taunts:

AMOG: “Hey bro, can you hold my drink while I go take a piss?” (an attempt at frame control).

YOU: “Cool, man” (return to conversation with girl)

AMOG (now angry): “You’re a little dick sucker aren’t you.”

YOU: “Respect, man,” (return to conversation with girl)

AMOG: (now furious because he looks like the over-reactive tool. He will typically back off because he doesn’t want to be seen getting thrown out of the bar if he gets physical. You win.)

Handling Conflict When You’re the Boss

The Situation:: if you’re in a position of authority, you will have to frequently flex your authority over subordinates. However, this can be very tricky, because you don’t want to be the “jackass manager” mentioned previously.

This type of conflict depends on the type of situation. If it’s purely professional, such as you need to enhance performance levels, then always KEEP it professional by never taking your criticism to a personal level. Always use collective terminology: “we” “the company”, etc.

“I think we can really boost this month’s numbers if we take a new approach” is a good way to issue a directive to a less than optimal employee. A statement like: “Unfortunately, we gotta crack down on lower numbers, so I need you to pay attention to these next ideas” will direct it towards the person and make it clear that you desire better performance, without making it seem like their character is flawed.

Furthermore, if the employee really is trying their best, don’t subject him or her to the psychological punishment of “We need to talk” and making an unspecified meeting time. Try to keep it casual, on-the-spot, or reserve criticism for weekly performance meetings that are scheduled. In addition, recognize his or her accomplishments, as well. Don’t just focus on the negative.

However, there is another type of employee to beware of, and it’s the exact same person mentioned previously in the “friend to friend” conflicts. It’s the employee who tries to get away with as much as he or she can. As in your personal life, these people require constant punishment or they will instantly revert to their old pattern of behavior.

You can identify these unruly types because, as in your social circle, they ONLY respond to harsh words and the pressure of authority. Anything less than this, and they’ll begin to step on you. These types of people represent the minority, but identify who they are, and gauge your behavior around them. Reserve your strictest attitude for dealing with them.

Angry Dude You Barely Know Wants to Kill You

The Situation: There are some really disturbed, crazy people in the world, and when you meet a lot of faces, you’ll eventually enter a situation where somebody wants to hurt you, or even kill you, because of some hair—trigger reason.

Defer to martial artists: try to defuse the situation first. Don’t incite the guy whatsoever. If he puts a fist in your face or gets physical, do not respond with your own attack unless you truly feel threatened. The reason is because you ultimately want the cops to haul only him away, not the both of you.

By staying collected, with your head-on, you’ll be in a better tactical situation if you DO need to subdue him by striking him someplace where it really hurts. A guy who’s boiling with rage is less likely to win in a fight versus someone who’s calm and collected.

Next, don’t hesitate to call 911. If your temperament is very cool, and the offender is going nuts, I promise you the cops will defer to your judgment and most likely remove the guy from the situation and thank you for your cooperation and responsible management of the situation.

In Summary

So, now we know about handling conflict in a variety of situations. Keep in mind there are other areas of conflict to discuss; such as business conflict and how to go on the offensive when dealing with competitors. However, for now, these examples should give a nice roundabout guide for handling various interpersonal situations that otherwise frustrate or confuse socially untrained guys.