How to Develop Your Archetypal Dangerous Male

archetypal male

When people ask me, “Cyrus, what is your main sticking point with women?” I give them a mouthful: my archetypal dangerous male persona is lacking.” That’s a lot to deal with, so let’s try to unpack it.
Continue Reading

You Attract the Energy You Give Out (Avoiding Alimony Hustlers)

energy

Meeting other humans is a complex subject. One of the greatest mistakes men make is being unaware of their energy (which is another way of saying personality, mood, desires, and ambitions we put out to the world.) What occurs is that like-minds, obviously, attract.

Continue Reading

How I Fixed My Game (And You Can Too)

game, seduction, pua

Probably everything you think you know about “game” is wrong. That is if your experience is only cursory level information via popular companies like RSD and their endless YouTube videos.

Continue Reading

When Beautiful Women Are Not Beautiful (Calling Out All Simps)

blonde

Today, I fear that we live in the age of simps. These are men who beg, grovel and plead for female attention. It has become so widespread in cities like Los Angeles that even completely average women can acquire 4,000, 5,000 or more Tinder matches in a short amount of time. Continue Reading

Competitive Dating Could be Ruining Your Love Life

competitive dating

Most people who care about their success in life are competitive. In fact, lot of things we do are competitive in some way. Meeting women may also be a competitive sport for you, whether you’re aware of this or not.

Continue Reading

The Best Mindset for Meeting Women

meeting women

There’s so much pressure on the modern man when it comes to meeting women. Everybody has an opinion about it these days, and the opinions are always changing. So the question becomes: what’s working lately? Here are some thoughts.

Continue Reading

5 Ways to Stay Young and Keep Your Vitality

stay young

Getting old is optional. It’s not so much about our bodies getting a little more wrinkly, as it is our mindsets change; sometimes for the worst.

Guys having middle-age crises annoy me. It’s like they release they’ve lost their youth / vitality, and they rapidly try to make up for it in a panic, instead of simply living a life with vitality at all times.

Don’t become the guy blasting bad hip hop from his BMW when he’s 48. Instead, lead a full and complete lifestyle that keeps you feeling young from the very beginning.

Continue Reading

Is “Game” and Pickup Artistry Hurting Men Everywhere?

black-and-white-game-match-chess

If there was ever a topic I spent some time feeling conflicted about, it’s this one. On this very site, I allude to some level of the “game” paradigm; and unfortunately it’s incorporated (at least on a subtle level) in some of the Developed Man books written by myself or contributors to this site. Continue Reading

A Response to James Fell, the Good Men Project, and the Myth of the Alpha Male

good men project

Every now and then an article comes along that leaves me no choice but to hop on the saddle and write about it.

The Good Men Project is another male interest community, but this one brands itself as the anti-MRA, anti-PUA alternative for the self-described “good men” of the Internet (mmhmm…). Continue Reading

Online Dating Heralds the Apocalypse for Western Men

aaaaargh

I’ll preface this by saying I have no affiliation with the site “Sluthate” which appears to be another misguided offshoot of “PUAHate” – which was shut down after one of their members, a guy we know named Elliot Rodger, went on a killing spree in southern California.

Continue Reading

The 6 Types of Oneitis

oneitis Maybe you have heard the term “Oneitis” before. This is the natural tendency to get caught up on one girl.

It obviously affects both sexes, as well. I was with a girl recently who described her mind as being completely invaded by a bad experience with a guy she was starting to date. “He started flirting with all of these other girls in the club in-front of me, while ignoring me the whole night. He did it to make me jealous and think about him. It worked. I deleted his number, but now I’m obsessed about him. Somebody shoot me.”

Oneitis, in all it’s forms, exists because of premature feelings for someone, or more rarely (as in the case with the girl) because somebody is manipulating your feelings.

It is not something to be shameful of, because it’s natural to become attached to personalities. If we can feel attached to a character on a television show, we can feel attached to somebody we just met in real life. However, most of the time this behavior needs to be nipped in the bud early. Here are six ways that it manifests:

You Went on 1 or 2 Dates, Then She Disappeared

 
This is the hardest form of oneitis. The reason is because maybe something was actually sparked, but suddenly she’s not responding to your texts or calls. Now you have placed heavy emphasis on a budding relationship, and you sense the crushing feeling that it will lead to nothing.

This type of oneitis results in stalkerish phone-calls, texts, and e-mails trying to get her attention, typically to no avail. Some of this is the fault of the woman who prefers to be passive instead of straightforward. The man is left wondering what he did wrong, but in most cases she simply feels that dating you is a bad idea; maybe for personal reasons (there’s another man in her life), or for practical reasons (no time to enter a relationship).

What to Do: Don’t contact her ever again. It’s fine to send one message, voice mail or text to a girl. It’s up to her to keep the line from going dead. If you think to yourself “Maybe my last e-mail didn’t go through”, you’re deceiving yourself. Trust me, she knows. If you keep contacting her, when you finally do hear back from her, it will not be a very nice message.

You have a girlfriend, then you break up with her – and you cannot get your mind off her.

 
This is the oldest feeling in the world. Every guy experiences this. Again, perfectly natural, but not a productive attitude to foster.

What to Do: You were together with her, and you feel hurt because it ended. Bugging or contacting her incessantly will obviously do nothing to mend the situation; and even if it did mend, you’d be back to dating someone you probably shouldn’t. Every time you feel an urge to call or text, start doing something else; I normally don’t condone playing time-sucking video games, but if booting up World of Warcraft gets your mind off her, then do it.

You Are Currently Dating Her

 
This is a more insidious form of oneitis, because generally somebody you are seeing deserves your sole attention, right? That’s what dating is all about, isn’t it?

The answer is actually “no”. In truth, she has multiple men she’s courting. That’s just the reality of 21st century dating, unless you’re in some conservative, rural community. If you’re living in a city, and the girl is halfway attractive, then she has options. If you don’t have options too, then sadly you have lost power in that relationship.

I don’t like that dating even has to include the term “power”, but the reality of the situation is that when she knows she can walk away from you, and be immediately emotionally gratified by a host of other men who desire her, then she has very little at stake with you.

What to Do: If you find yourself thinking about the girl 24 / 7, I encourage you to at least contact some female friends; or that one girl who you know has a crush on you on your Facebook feed. Remind yourself that women are not a scarce commodity in your life. Few men actually cultivate other women in their radius, which is not good. Instead, it’s best to match what she is also undoubtedly doing.

Obviously, don’t cheat – but at least you’ll know there’s plenty of options if things don’t work out with her. You’ll be less attached to that relationship, and it will even improve the relationship.

You Don’t Know Her and She Rejected You

 
One time a woman in a club looked me square in the eyes and said: “You are a creep, get the fuck away from me”. Her words echoed in my head for over a month; am I really a creepy? How could I have fallen so far in my life? Depression actually ensued because of this (I was pretty young at the time).

I saw her again 3 months later in the same venue. She did not remember me, obviously; she approached me at the bar and started hitting on me. For whatever reason, she was in hyper-bitch mode that night, but it was no reflection of reality, or else she would not have found me attractive after seeing me again (no, I did not get revenge on her, despite the temptation).

The moral lesson is that I had developed an acute form of oneitis over her; obsessing about her words and how they reflected my identity as a man. Because she was attractive physically, I placed unnecessary importance on her, putting value on her bullshit.

What to Do: Learn more about the nature of rejection and how it has no reflection on who you really are. if you really are pushy / needy / creepy, work on yourself more, or read a book to straighten out your inner game.

She’s Your Friend and You Crush On Her

 
Now we’re getting into genuine unhealthy, poor behavior. It’s fine to have female friends, it’s even OK to have female friends you are attracted to, but as soon as you begin THINKING about her constantly, you’re in trouble. There’s no reason to do this, it will destroy your friendship with her, and it will not increase your odds of dating her someday.

What to Do: Re-evaluate what you’re doing with your life. Ask yourself why you are coming from a position of scarcity. Change your thoughts to an inner frame of reference; take a look at your job, your lifestyle, what you do on Friday nights. Figure out what needs improvement, so you can draw value from more important things.

You Don’t Know Her, She Works at Starbucks

 
On a gradient scale, this is the unhealthiest form of oneitis. It’s the precursor to actual stalker behavior. It is when a man becomes obsessed with a woman he doesn’t even know.

Strangely, Hollywood says this behavior is fine, and it could even be the plot line for a romantic comedy. In real life, it’s not so funny. It’s fine to be attracted to some waitress you like, but unless you talk to her and try to act on it, those thoughts you are festering will become toxic, bad behavior.

What to Do: Do not go to the venue where she works anymore. There is no reason to put any woman on a pedestal, at anytime – so why do it to a stranger? You must evaluate the core reasons behind your behavior, as it’s likely due to a scarcity of women in your life, and a sense of inferiority.

You may also be suffering from delusions of grandeur, imagining your life with someone you don’t know so that you fulfill some empty void in your heart. Instead of filling that void with fantasy, fill it with personal love and appreciation for yourself.

In Summary

 
Oneitis is always the result of a feeling of scarcity. We become attached to one person, and forget that other people in the world exist. In the event that someone really is special to us (and is not some girl at Applebees you are stalking), then it’s not necessary to forget someone; but it IS necessary to seek experiences with other humans, to realize that no matter how special one person was, there are millions of other special people in the world, as well.

The Truth About What Women Want (It’s Wladimir Klitschko)

Wladimir Klitschko

Wladimir Klitschko is a Ukrainian boxer who looks like a villain in a 90s Steven Segal action flick. There’s a lot of buzz about him lately because he recently spawned a baby with beautiful actress Hayden Panettiere.

I found myself reading this headline and wondering how often we see highest status females, like Hayden, going out with computer geeks, feminine men, and pasty spectacle-wearing writers and journalists.

It never happens. Those women with absolute freedom of choice typically look for the men who are built like horses (probably in more ways than one), are primal warriors and leaders, and who are perfect examples of raw masculinity. This is what the majority of women want, and to believe otherwise you are delusional.

And, in today’s sexual climate, the standard of alpha masculinity further divides sex worthy males from the not-so sex worthy.

How the Sexual Marketplace Works

 
There is no doubt that 90% of women lust after 10% of men.

If you think this is a bum deal for men, understand that in some way it’s also shitty for the ladies. As they enter this mindset, they try desperately to snatch up men who are typically unavailable (or extreme players). Women, perhaps because it’s hardwired into them or it’s the result of cultural peer expectations, would rather be single than settle for anything less than what they feel they’re entitled to.

As a result, you’ll find many beautiful-to-moderately-attractive (and even plain looking) women in the big city are perpetually single. They are waiting for “the one”, which is code for a Ukrainian boxer who is also rich, famous, built like a tank, and can kill a man with his bare hands.

In many ways, this is similar to the endlessly career driven person who will settle for nothing less than to become the CEO of their company. Similarly, such people may not find happiness when they finally get what they want so badly. Hence our massive divorce rates.

A century ago, men and women were not geographically sporadic. Before globalization, the internet, and EasyJet, women were usually limited to an area of a few square miles. Their pick of suitors had to come from this pool. The most suitable bachelor was now in the same stratosphere of qualities that a “regular guy” could actually obtain.

Now, comparisons lie in pop culture. A man is not held to the standard of the guy who owns the local deli, works out and has an awesome mustache–instead, the average scrawny dude who slaves at an office all day is held to the standard of Wladimir Klitschko and various larger-than-life celebrities.

The Beta Male Phenomenon

 
Men have a strong sexual drive, just above that of women. Men also desire multiple sexual partners to a greater extent. As a result, men are not supremely picky, and never will be. The standards men hold women to usually consists of: “don’t be elderly, don’t be really fat, try to be cool to be around”.

Women have somewhat less biological drive based around sex. Therefore, they approach mating from a position of seeking “the best”, not necessarily being directed by gut-level sexual attraction. Their desire is still biological by nature, but it’s also mixed up with peer pressure, sociological expectation, and the Western tendency to want “the best” despite limited resources (the best car, the best house, the best Facebook friends list, the best selfie).

The ten percentile of men that most women desire are readily noticeable in a sea of “beta males”. Guys like this “nice guy”:

beta male

These are all men who, for whatever reason, do not make the cut. Women constantly dodge these men as they bother them on social media or make awkward, failed approaches (which these days are dubbed “street harassment”).

While there is a gradient in-between these extremes, many men end up somewhere in the middle. These are men who can count their sexual partners on one hand. Sometimes, their only sexual partner IS their hand.

Sadly, from a moral or logical point of view, most of these “undesirables” are perfectly good guys. Loyal, hard-working, maybe even handsome. In fact, in the olden days, they’d probably have an endless variety of women to choose from in their communities.

Today, average is not good enough, even though average itself is a myth–and everybody has something unique to offer. In Western culture, sexual viability among men is placed within strict, unyielding criteria of personal behavior (alpha attitude) and external attributes (broad shoulders, money, power).

A man must be actively in, or approaching, this ten percentile to maintain sexual options.

And unfortunately, men are notoriously unaware of these facts about the sexual marketplace. This is why so many constantly pursue women in the most low-power methods.

A friend of mine, an attractive eighteen year-old, posts regularly the absurdity of messages that she receives by strangers on Facebook. The screenshots that she posts usually consist of:

“Hey baby”
“I know u don’t know me but I love your tits”
“wow… i want to get to know you whats your phone number?”
“hey we live in the same town, do you wanna go out with me?”

And on, and on.

In many ways, this barrage of clueless beta males is a driving force behind the frustrating behavior among most modern women.

The reason this occurs is because as women are more and more strict about only dating within the ten percentile, that ninety percentile becomes more and more sexually frustrated. We men are driven by sexual urges that sometimes pornography cannot satiate. This leads to irrational behavior, such as messaging a girl half your age on Facebook and asking to see her tits.

Obviously, any man who behaves this way is only hurting his own cause further. But as our brains ooze chemicals telling us to desperately seek anything with a pair of breasts and two legs after a two-year dry spell, it’s no surprise men behave this way.

This is a dangerous cycle that continues to spin out of control. The only solution for men is to either walk away or to push hard to enter the ten percentile (game, alpha attitudes, etc).

A Healthier Culture Would Not Have These Problems

 
Men are not taught by our fathers or peers that acting like a sex begging beta is a horrible strategy. Further, women are not taught some basic eastern philosophical principles to be grateful for what you have and to not relentlessly seek perfection.

If a greater amount of men possessed traits that women found desirable, the ten percentile could change to a top twenty or thirty percentile. In other words, there would be fewer frustrated single women who are unsatisfied by what they perceive as an ocean of low quality men.

If women were taught the true nature of self-esteem, and if a healthy culture of female self-development (not feminism victim-hood or Cosmo mag consumerism) existed; women would make better choices and aspire to inner-happiness before seeking such happiness through the validation of obtaining a perfect male specimen. They would place less weight and severity on the mating process, and this open-mindedness could lead to women discovering they feel attracted to men they previously may not have given their time in the endless pursuit of perfection.

Further, men are not taught to lean back and stop being “pursuers”. They allow their sexual impulses to control their behavior far too much. This is why women get messaged more on dating sites compared to men on roughly a 1:100 ratio.

Unfortunately, current Western culture is toxic and spinning out of control. There are enough ladies and enough guys for there to be limitless options for both of us. Instead we are faced with divorce rates pushing 60%, with single, frustrated men AND women everywhere.

However, the immediate priority I believe lies in female culture. Privileged, urban women believe Wladimir Klitschko is going to appear and rescue them from the ocean of beta males. Feminism and female social philosophy reinforces for women to “never settle”, which really means continue to live squarely by the standards of pop culture and fantasy.

The problem is, once they finally find their “perfect” guy–usually after sleeping with quite a few candidates–they are not happy. They file for divorce. Their biological and sociological drive lied to them.

Or, after constant frustration after fruitlessly trying to catch one of the ten percentile, they “settle” and find one of their beta male orbiters who seems to have the best financial dividends. They immediately regret the decision, and resent the man for it. Again, divorce is filed, ugly custody proceedings ensue, etc.

This is because sex takes the back-burner to healthy philosophy. Women do not understand that happiness begins within their own minds. Western female philosophy is attached to an unbelievable mindset of victimhood. Women are not given permission to just be happy to be themselves. As a result, they carry all of their mental baggage into relationships as they look for happiness through external validation.

They devote all of their energy, all of their life’s work to finding the most desirable man possible. And at the end of the day, they’re still posting selfies worried about their appearance and what their friends think of them.

In Summary

 
As men, the best we can do is grow individually, and strive to stay in that ten percentile for our own sanity’s sake. The best women we can find are self-developed and not identifying their happiness based on what their gaggle of catty friends think.

However, just to be able to find a woman like that, we must first obtain the skills and attributes needed to attract ANY woman, at all.

In the current sexual climate; this means striving to be more like alpha dudes like Wladimir. The good news is that by modeling yourself after prime examples of masculinity; you are likely improving your life in other areas, as well. There is a lack of masculinity in modern men; and it involves self-sufficiency, leadership, charisma, and a warrior’s attitude. These are not bad traits for any man to quest for.

The bad news is that personal transformation is extremely hard. Our genetics limit to just what extent we can get ripped, and there is no shortcut to crack psychology to become instantly more masculine, more of a bad-boy.

But it can be done to your full potential, anyway. Ultimately, it must be done as a way of improving yourself, not merely to appease women–as this common mistake is a contradiction of goals that could even keep you in a beta status (does Wladimir train every-day to impress women? I doubt it).

This is in essence what a lot of men in the “Manosphere” strive toward.

And, as most of us know, it can be a lifelong process.

How Generalizing is Stupid Behavior (Response to Return of Kings)

return of kings

What does it take to be a good man? A lot of things, but most importantly it’s about avoiding certain behaviors that harm you.

There’s a natural human tendency to create a false equation. It’s like an error in our operating systems; a mental glitch that was never fixed by nature. It goes: observation = generalization.

It’s easy to identify, “That Asian driver cut me off. Asians are bad drivers.”

It’s the least rational type of thought pattern. More irrational than religious fundamentalism or any other modern plague of the mind, and it’s the core of many of the world’s problems.

Fortunately, conscious-minded individuals can usually detect this type of behavior early enough to squash it. However, some communities appear ripe with generalizing behavior; and as such they should be approached with healthy skepticism.

One such site is Return of Kings, made by arch PUA Roosh V.

I’ve been reading this site out of curiosity; and there can be something a bit seductive about the Manosphere’s most controversial creature that keeps me clicking to the next article…and the next one…and the next one. Some primal tendency, perhaps.

But I hope most reasonable people who stumble into this site can identify bullshit by practicing even mild critical thinking skills. Every single article on that site encapsulates negative generalizations about politics, gender issues, women, and society.

As an example, let’s take a look at a very “tame” (by RoK standards) RoK post: “Why The Ukraine Crisis Is A Red Pill Vs Blue Pill Superpower Clash”

At first glance, I find myself starting to agree with “The First Auarian”. Yes, perhaps Russian and Soviet influenced culture breeds less materialistic women. Perhaps emasculated western culture is a threat to eastern culture (which is the article’s thesis).

But it’s clear, as you read this piece, it’s just like every other article on the site: a rampant series of generalizations, that appeals to your desire for controversy but has no basis in reality.

The author takes a couple of his own VERY subjective experiences and tries to paint a broad analysis of Ukrainian culture in general. So, he had a very positive experience dating an east Ukrainian woman, and a less positive experience with a west Ukrainian. Who cares?

So the east Ukrainian woman he met was not messing with her cell-phone on a date… Who cares? He implies that the closer you get to Russia, the more likely every woman puts away her cell phone and becomes mature minded, social, sexual, and without narcissistic western tendencies.

But I seriously doubt that. For all we know, more east Ukrainians use cell phones than west Ukrainians. For all we know, east Ukrainian men are less aggressive than their western counterparts. For all we know, aggressive, over-machismo behavior of east Ukrainian men does nothing to increase the quality of the dating culture, at all.

In fact, according to statistics I’ve researched, many east European countries, including the Ukraine, have the highest rates of divorce in the world, outranking even the United States. It’s possible the extreme machismo “red pill” behavior of east European men is not helpful to relationships, at all.

While the article is “entertaining” enough to read, it does not hold up to any type of critical thought. It’s yet another example of a subjective experience leading to generalizations and then the preaching of anecdotal truth.

Of course, fueling controversy also fuels traffic, which is directly proportional to advertising dollars and product sales. Here’s an article with 188k likes, 24 Signs She’s a Slut.

Again, it’s just another parade of uncertain generalizations, anecdotes and opinion. Honestly, I don’t even know what the fuck a “slut” is. If a woman is sexual, please remind me why it’s somehow a bad thing now. I vaguely get the sense that RoK wants more women who are sexually active (ie: girls who will fuck them instead of reject them, which I think is the underlying frustration of many of the site’s writers) so why does that article have an undercurrent of condescension? I can’t figure out what “Tuthmosis” wants. Do you WANT more “sluts” or are you trying to shame women for promiscuous behavior?

While RoK can be written off as a boorish site designed around fanning flames of controversy and making Roosh and friends filthy rich, there’s a bigger undercurrent of irrational, generalizing behavior among men’s sites that I think is a lot more serious.

For instance, the predominant theme on RoK, and many other sites, is that the root of all evil, all aspects of the broken western dating culture, the reason Susie never went out with you in 7th grade, and a number of other woes is because of one boogeyman: feminism.

I am quite critical of a lot of weird, offensive stuff coming out of the brains of certain writers on sites like Jezebel, Skepchick, and Radfem, such as the atrociously bad Schroedinger’s Rapist logical fallacy that is being trumpeted across the femosphere, which seems to promote paranoia and divisiveness.

Here’s an excellent rebuttal to this type of nonsense by The Factual Feminist:

However, feminism as a catch-all enemy is absurd. The unhealthy generalization thought-error manifests yet again when people bare witness to one example of crazy feminism, and then equate the entire, very broad women’s movement as being divisive and horrible.

This generalization does not hold water, either. Feminism is about a needed women’s movement. In parts of the world, women cannot vote, cannot drive cars, and routinely have acid thrown at their faces when they break rules. What the Men’s Rights crowd sometimes forgets is that women need a voice just like men need a voice. It doesn’t mean we have to be at odds. Just ignore the crazy people. Is that so hard?

These types of negative ideologies will hurt your social and love life. A woman who could be very compatible for you may also describe herself as a feminist. What will you do then? Will you unfairly prescribe your prejudiced opinion unto her, and destroy a potentially great relationship?

A mark of maturity is the power to overcome this tendency. And, by living with that sense of maturity, you will lead a happier life, with more fruitful relationships. When the world outside your home becomes painted in irreversible colors, you are limiting your own human experience.

Do not stereotype people, and do not generalize about a culture. By doing this, you are making the world a much darker place to live.

One of the reasons that I choose to go into weird places like North Korea is to further remove from my mind the tendency to stereotype people and places. Even some of the world’s most despised people, like the members of the Korean Worker’s Party, are also human beings with multi-faceted personalities (and partying with them was a great way to realize this).

Please, be mindful about the types of information you consume. Stay open-minded, and always treat one another like human beings; not representatives of ideologies, genders, or countries.

Huge Mistakes From Yesteryear’s PUA Movement

pua movement

I don’t think anybody likes the term “PUA” (pickup artist) anymore because it’s ridiculous. But, I still see guys using PUA principles in an effort to become better men or cure long romantic dry spells. Some of these behaviors still crop up even if the “PUA” culture is mostly on the way out. In this case the only thing you need to pick up is your right-hand and slap yourself silly if any of the following applies:

  • Putting Pussy on a Pedestal: The mantra of the pickup scene was always: get laid to be popular, get laid to earn respect. Most of us who were brought into the game by naivete learned that this mentality creates the diametric opposite of results. At the end of the day sex isn’t really that important, and sometimes it’s even a hassle. The West has made sex and scoring with genetically gifted women into something 10x more important than it ever really was. This is mostly because of advertising / Matrix thinking. Young guys often think like this anyway, and the PUA scene just exacerbated it.
  • Going to Nightclubs: Most people with any social experience eventually learn how going to nightclubs is a huge waste of time. Both PUA books (including “The Game”) and modern pop culture stresses how nightclubs are some mecca where guys get laid and super cool dudes are born. Nothing could be further from the truth.
  • Treating Women as Conquests: This is something I still see on certain Manosphere sites and it’s one of the reasons I made Developed Man, because I got extremely frustrated reading blog posts by certain authors who I felt were respectable, but were still calling women “targets”. Coaching guys a lot back in 2012, I discovered how this mindset is infectious and turns guys into social robots, which leads to…
  • Treating Women as a Different Species: Some guys back in the PUA scene could never last long in intimate relationships because they never really wrapped their minds around the fact that despite some biologically different impulses in regard to attraction, men and women are the same (humans). This also manifests among a few misogynistic offshoots of the Manosphere who have taken “bros before hos” to a new level of extreme. All of these ideas are not only unhealthy, but hurt your chances at relationships.
  • Obsession With Some Certain Type of “Hot Girl”: The PUA mentality had a lot of guys obsessed with proving their manliness to the world by going from geek to banging an “HB10″. What they don’t realize is that the sex and possible subsequent relationships are a lot more fulfilling if you think more about factors like: compatibility, her emotional intelligence, her honesty, and virtues. A woman who’s more down to earth is also far less likely to play games, initiate insanity / drama, or keep you running in circles.
  • Not Going to Social Events: When I was a college sophomore enticed by PUA material, I had read that “hot game” was like “cheating” and real men had to learn to “cold approach” women in various awkward settings. Total nonsense. This idea was spun so that guys buy more products. Nightclub game is hard for social beginners. Furthermore, daygame can be equally intimidating. By comparison expanding your social circle is easy and is guaranteed to bring women into your life. Go to charity events, Meetup.com groups, or host your own stuff. Meet lots of people, throw “openers” out the window, and just expand your social circle as your number one priority. Later on it’s good to test your comfort zone with meeting strangers in daylight settings, but don’t pin your entire love and sex life on it.
  • Pretending: The good sites on the “Manosphere” these days are committed to what I call the Men’s Self Development Movement. This has nothing to do with pretending to be someone cool. The PUA paradigm taught guys from day one to “fake it”. You’re geeky and socially awkward? Then buy really nice clothes and make up a bunch of stories about yourself. This advice is epically bad.
  • Practicing “Game” When You Don’t Need To: I saved this one for last, because I used to see guys do this *a lot*. Game is really social confidence and projecting yourself as a strong man, which women find attractive. That’s ALL it is. “Game” with quotation marks is rehearsing weird tips from books that don’t work. This might be acceptable in a venue full of strangers, but I used to see guys doing this shit in their offices, at parties, or among friends. You don’t need to “game” girls in these instances. It makes you seem like a loser at best, and a creepy fucking weirdo at worst. Not acting “normal” and putting on some type of weird front to talk to women is social suicide, and your friends will stop inviting you to parties and mixers. Guaranteed.

I hope my bit of tough love will put the nail in the coffin of your potential PUA habits, if you are unfortunate enough to have picked any up as you read men’s interest sites. For fun, I’d like to hear from you about the worst examples you’ve personally seen of guys awkwardly behaving like pickup artists. Leave a comment below.

Oh yeah, don’t forget you can e-mail me personally at this link, for any reason (except to spam me with Viagra advertisements. I don’t really need viagra at this stage in my life)

Brave Guys Needed for YouTube Reality TV Show

Hello, Developed Man readers,

My friend (and contributor to our sister site, Developed Life), Arturo has undertaken a project that involves exploring cultural differences in dating standards. This will be done through a funny YouTube series that will debut late this year: American Love in Prague.

For years, a well-known secret has been that lonely guys move toward regions like central or east Europe to level the dating game to their favor. Countless stories are abound that feature guys who have found beautiful romantic partners in distant countries.

There are a lot of theories for why this is (many of which I outline in a booklet I recently wrote, Global Dating), but it seems to be that the dating arena in the United States is, no matter how you slice it or how much “game” you try to learn, always going to be somewhat flawed.

The YouTube show will satirically explore what it takes for American expats to become Czech Republic bachelors; looking for love in a city renown for beautiful women.

Arturo is looking for American guys aged 18-30 to participate; you must be down to go to Prague, to not be camera shy, and down to participate in a fun project (and maybe meet some lovely ladies in the process). Digital nomads and lifestyle designers who like to roam are always a welcome addition; as you could make this a stop along your travels. Shooting is scheduled for this fall through winter.

To apply, leave a comment on this thread, e-mail me or just contact Arturo directly by liking the American Love in Prague Facebook page and leaving a comment or sending a message.