The Terrible Temptation of Bragging

First of all, I have no idea who this is a picture of. He was on the Wikimedia creative commons page for the keyword “arrogant” and he definitely looks the part. However, I have to offer my utmost apologies to whoever this guy is who I just made into the personification of a “bragger”.

One of the worst social mistakes a man (or anybody) can make is the “brag”, a statement, comment, or response framed as a self-assurance of one’s own accomplishments.

For men trying to meet women, it can also be the final factor to assure that he’ll never get a return phone-call.

To understand the absurdity of the brag, let’s examine just the basics of why a person would even do it.

Bragging is Either to Relieve Anxiety, or to Manipulate

These are the two only psychological reasons why a person would boast about himself.

The first is the very weak phenomenon of self-assurance. In a situation where a person feels insecure, he may try to prop himself up so that he feels less anxiety about the situation.

For instance: a guy at an exclusive party for film-makers feels out of place and insecure. He may try to brag about his minor accomplishments with a student film he created years ago.

The only thing that this communicates is: “Please help me fit in. I feel like less of a man. Please tell me I’m worth something to you and that it’s OK to be here.”

Obviously, this sends the exact opposite message; that he’s an outsider who is clutching at straws. This behavior is extremely transparent.

The second motivation for bragging is as a very shrewd attempt to manipulate a person’s favor.

For instance, let’s say you’re among a group of industry professionals. You really have made some great accomplishments in your field. However, not everybody around you knows about what you believe to be an entitled sense of prestige. And, that intoxicating feeling of power you get when people bow to you has now become a craving.

So, you look for ways to inject your accomplishments into the conversation.

“Yeah, that was like the time I released an app that sold 1.4 million copies. Well, not quite.”

The typical reaction to this type of bragging is a sort-of feigned positivity by the audience.

“Wow, that’s really impressive. How did you do that?”

This is because our brains seem to register facts more quickly than personality assessments. Unfortunately, the quasi-positive reactions only serve to fuel the bragger’s misconstrued idea that he’s not committing social suicide.

When the party is over, that’s when people get together and unanimously agree that the guy was a douchebag.

Understand that it’s this very motive, to try and prop oneself up at the expense of others, that is so unhealthy. From cocktail parties to dates, it makes everybody uncomfortable.

How to Show Value Without Bragging

I would suggest to look at how very accomplished men behave themselves socially. For instance, Bill Gates, Bill Clinton, Richard Branson. If you dig around YouTube, you’ll find plenty of examples.

What you won’t find is these guys bragging. Ever. They know what they’re worth, they have absolutely no need to reassure themselves, or others, of their value.

However, they allow their actions and who they are to speak for themselves.

This means they do not hesitate to provide their wisdom and ideas to people. They only talk about their accomplishments after they are asked about them.

For instance, if somebody asked Clinton, “gee, you sure know a lot about politics, why is that?”

At this point, it would be socially acceptable for Clinton to list his accomplishments (and, in this case, inquire if the person had been living in a cave his entire life).

In Summary

Bragging is a seriously bad habit that you MUST shake off. If you feel a desire to constantly obtain social approval and acceptance, then you must work on yourself to find the root causes of these desires. Bragging is typically a mere symptom of a bigger disease known as insecurity.

What Do You Think?

How do you feel around people who brag? Does it make you uncomfortable, or do you disagree? What was the worst example of a bragger you ever dealt with?

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A Complete Guide to Approach Anxiety

approach anxiety

I promised I would write about approach anxiety one of these days. So, we’ve finally arrived at that point. This term is rooted squarely in the rise of the seduction and “advice for meeting girls” community; but may have existed before then in the world of cold-sales.

Continue Reading

6 High Quality Behaviors That Men Must Try to Obtain

Let’s face it, the world is kind of a shitty place sometimes. And, the reason is largely because of the people who inhabit it. Fortunately, there’s good news: a few personality changes and philosophical reconsiderations can create a new chapter for any man; immediately creating a brighter future for everybody.

These behaviors could mean, for you, the difference between success and happiness—versus just being another piece of the big problem.

The Victimless Attitude

I’ve heard every imaginable excuse for why a person fails, is miserable, or has had misfortunes of various sort; including that some archetypal enemy has thwarted his abilities. It could be Barack Obama, Prime Minister Cameron, Todd the 4th grade bully, or even some non-physical, crushing existential fear. All of this is bunk as soon as a man takes responsibility for EVERYTHING, good and bad, in his life.

The alternative is to play the victim, in which case you WILL suffer.

Courage to Lose It All

We live in an interesting time on this planet. If you belong to a first-world country, the bottom of the social ladder is no longer death as was expected in a bygone era. Not long ago, if you lost all of your money and had no place to live, you’d end up on some flea-infested street, dying of plague in about a week’s time.

Today, the worst that can happen is you’ll have to bum on a friend’s couch for a couple of weeks while you pick yourself back up. In fact, if you really did lose EVERYTHING, you might find yourself feeling strangely liberated about no longer dealing with car, cell-phone, gym, cable, and flat-screen TV costs.

The point is that not being afraid of “losing” stuff helps a man become less clingy to his material attachments. By doing this, he is more prone to take positive risks, to go outside of his comfort zone, and to not place so much value on the stuff that may really just be holding him back.

To Try And Make a Better Planet

You should at least be investing some small percentage of your masculine energy into serving the planet, and not just yourself. The reason is because it’s possible that earth could, someday, be a hell of a lot better than it is now. This serves the individual as well as the collective; as we all want to live in a society with clean air, happy people, complete health and wellness, abundant resources, and technology that allows us to do anything we damn well please. This future is only possible through YOUR efforts, right now, so get after it.

When something doesn’t work in your business or personal life, you must learn to adapt. The opposite of adaptation is defending the status quo. Typically, this is because your ego is worried about its own imperfections, and will resist the idea of change.

So, don’t get stuck in first gear. If you have to enhance your personality to become more successful, do it. If you have to shed off old limiting beliefs, then start identifying them immediately. Whatever it takes to get to the next level.

To Not Seek Things in Return

Another pitfall is the tendency among men to become cultivators of good deeds… at the expense of everyone around them. They are the guys who will drive their friends from the airport, buy girls dinner constantly, even give money to homeless people, only to harbor secret resentments or an intention for all the recipients to give back in some way. These types of guys may rant later about how people (or the world) owes them so much.

So, don’t be that guy. You should only ever give back without expectations of return. Consider your compensation the good feelings that you experience knowing somebody benefited from your actions. Asking for anything more is creating trouble.

To Have an Identity

I always believe there is an advantage among those bohemians and artists who make a point to stand out from the crowd by whatever means possible. You can learn a thing or two from the most colorful personalities, which is simply about expressing who you are. You don’t have to do this by dying your hair pink, but you can do it by celebrating your personality and not becoming a human doormat as you age.

To Know Your Life Goals, Up Until Death

Finally, there is a more positive attitude that you can strive for that encompasses death as part of your life; as merely the finale of your experiences. Think of your life as a book you’re writing, so don’t be afraid of ending it, as every great story needs one. So, focus instead on expanding the length of that book you’re creating, and be sure to include some enduring tales.

In Summary

All we can do in life is try to be our best selves; and do our best to make things better for the next generation that follows us. So, don’t be ignorant about your potential. A man will have truly wasted his life if he does not make even a small effort at improving himself on a regular basis.

If you enjoyed this article, consider taking a look around my bookstore, where I provide many more resources about your career, love life, and tons more topics.

How to Behave Around the Most Beautiful Women

beautiful women

Every man must learn how to behave around the most beautiful women in the world. This is easily where the majority of guys fall short, and we desperately need some education on this matter. Really beautiful women are subject to a massive influx of unnecessary status, attention, jealousy, opportunities and calamities from all walks of life. This is because we live in a society that worships youth and beauty above almost everything else.

For this reason, your only chance of making friends with, or dating, a woman like this is by going outside the box completely. While a lot of men only fantasize about dating supermodels in Ibiza, some men are really doing it. Here’s some tips I’ve learned along the way:

Never Compliment Her Appearance: Duh, rule number-fucking-one. Telling a beautiful woman that she’s pretty is as awkward as asking an eskimo if he likes snow. The only exception to this rule is if you are eight years-old. It worked pretty good for me back then.

Be Wary of Other Compliments: Most men learn what chode behavior it is to tell a hot girl “you’re hot”, so they try to go “under the radar” to hand their value to them in more subtle ways. For instance, excessive compliments about their intelligence, writing skills or their shoes. Come on, give it a rest, they know what you’re doing (trying to win favor) and it will never work.

Never Treat Her as a “Thing”: Without realizing it, common male behavior toward genetically gifted ladies actually undermines them. After the 1000th man hits on her (by around age 17 or 18), a beautiful woman will start to feel like a walking rib roast in a town full of dogs. Men don’t realize it, but giving any added attention because of looks is akin to saying: “you’re a commodity because of your appearance”, and this makes women feel uncomfortable to put it lightly.

Focus on Making Her Laugh: Tease her, joke with her, and as many seduction coaches have put it: “treat her like your bratty little sister”. This immediately puts you in a whole new category of male.

Focus on Work: If you go to school or work with such a woman, focus on the job and don’t be like every other guy trying to take things “personal” by “getting to know her” (ie: asking about her life, what she likes, her favorite color, or other nonsense). The idea is to remain indifferent to her status as a high-status woman that every man wants. You have to be the exception to the rule. By doing this, she will generate interest in YOU and perhaps even ask you out!

Be Unavailable: Decidedly turning down offers of coffee, hanging out, or whatever is not a great idea when you’re with a girl who is not stunningly angelic and beautiful (she will just move on to someone else), but with the Perfect-10 dime pieces, since every guy is constantly TRYING to get with them, by having something better to do — you’ll become the cool guy she will never have to worry is going to pursue and 12 AM Facebook stalk her.

Tell Her She’s Beautiful AFTER You’re Dating Her: Beautiful women are insecure, freaked out age 30 or 35 will be unkind to them, and trying to keep up with better looking females getting better jobs in “hot girl industries” like modelling or acting. Once you’re with the girl, it’s your job to help keep her self-esteem up.

There’s Degrees of Beauty: I actually think there’s a difference between “hot” (not physically perfect, but sexual, personally appealing, the girl-next-door, etc) and “beautiful” (Olivia Wilde, for instance). The former category of “hot” is the majority of women you’re attracted to. The article you just read is about that 5-percentile of goddesses, and the rules are pretty specific. I’m curious what you think, though. What’s the difference between hot and beautiful? You can post via the Facebook comments on the bottom.

In Summary

Some people may tell you the only way to date a gorgeous woman is to either: be a celebrity DJ, a celebrity actor, or a total asshole. As it turns out, a lot of these women are sick of vain guys in show-business; and what they’re probably looking for are authentic men like yourself. So, that’s good news, isn’t it?

Signs You’re Coming on Too Strong

coming on too strong

In the context of dating, relationships and seduction, the common problem I help guys with is poor calibration. In fact, the majority of problems can be traced to this core issue. Whether coming on too strong, or being too weak, both extremes can hinder your social life unless you are aware of the symptoms of such behavior. Today, we’ll talk about the danger of pushing too hard.

Recognizing the Behavior

image

There are different degrees of coming on too strong. From regular pushy or abrasive behavior to needy, creepy or even malevolent behavior–as the above “psycho girlfriend” meme I selected for this article demonstrates

The really bad kind of psychotic pushiness is often the result of making assumptions in combination with having an extremely skewed or insecure version of reality. Obviously, assuming a first date is ready to talk about having children with you is laughable and absurd, and few people but the most deranged would suggest such a thing. However, you could be saying similar, terrifying things without realizing it.

For an example, avoid talking about ANY long-term plans with a woman you just met, even if you think it’s part of an innocent discussion. An example could be: “Yeah, I like to visit Wisconsin every couple of years, we’ll go together sometime.” Such a statement is not “sweet” like you imagined in your head; rather it’s a combination of “Let’s be friends forever!”, “Let’s get married and have kids!” plus “I’m desperate, PLEASE never leave me!”.

A second way that you might be coming on too strong involves controlling behavior. One time, during one of my international travels, I was staying at a youth hostel accompanied by this beautiful girl from London, with short cropped black hair and striking bedroom eyes. We hit it off like crazy, but as we planned our night, she was kind enough to express her discomfort about how I was “controlling” her too much.

As it turned out, I had been conducting a social experiment at being more “dominant” in my interactions to see if it would generate more attraction (I used to be fond of these social experiments when I was still learning things) and I had been neglecting the usual polite demeanor that accompanies my words. I rejected the usual phrases like “shall we?” and “perhaps we could” in favor of “We are doing this” and “Ok, time to go do this now”.

This change of tone had turned her off (and I learned my lesson from the experiment). There was no subtlety about it; she immediately sensed that I was being too pushy, and in her own words I was coming on too strong.

Now it’s true that some women MAY be turned on by this type of forcefulness. However, I’d guess it is a small minority; probably the same types of ladies who like you to break out the paddles, whips and chains in bed.

Are You Acting Like Tom Cruise Jumping on a Couch?

Sometimes high energy is good, and yet when Tom Cruise went haywire on that famous episode of Oprah, just about everybody felt creeped out. This is now the classic image of coming on too hard, and likely being considered a nutcase as a result.

If you are prone to high energy bouts of enthusiasm, you may want to consider gauging your outbursts, especially if the addition of sugar and caffeine sends you over the top. Acting hyperactive by talking too much, jumping around, and barely allowing her a chance to breath is behavior that quickly kills your chances. Understand that being extremely kinetic suggests immaturity just as much as the opposite (extreme passiveness or timidity).

A Few More Notes…

Being pushy, hyperactive, and making assumptions about your relationship are easy ways to turn her off, but there’s a lot more to consider. Any time a woman feels she is being coerced by you, then you are walking a perilous path. I most commonly see this among men who feel it necessary to assert their aggressiveness or an “alpha” attitude, despite how often this behavior backfires.

Sorry to be visceral, but I knew a guy in college who would try to take any pretty little date back to the beige, single-mattress of his bunk bed; and force her down on his cock with choice language like “Suck it, bitch”. Obviously, his dorm had a revolving door of disgusted women trying to get away from him. Yet, he somehow imagined that such behavior was appropriate because—most likely—he was obsessed with aggressive porn.

If you have similar ideas in your head, understand that porn, or anything you see on television, has very little to do with the reality of social situations—especially women and sex.

In Summary

You have to be chill. Always be chill. Whether making assumptions or becoming aggressive, these are traits you have to eliminate to achieve the cool, happy demeanor that will create the success in your life you desire.

Obvious Dating Mistakes You’re Probably Still Making

dating mistakes

The funny thing about learning how to succeed with the ladies is that our memory recognition is extremely bad. My theory is that it relates to left-brain, right-brain relations. Logically, when we hear good dating advice, our left-brain processes it and it sounds like a great idea. However, once our emotional right-brain takes over, all that important information just seems to disappear. This is why when you’re pissed off or horny, you start saying and doing stupid shit.

So, in honor of our unreliable right-hemisphere, let’s go over some of the dating mistakes you’re probably still committing despite your best effort to eradicate them.

Messaging or Calling Too Much: Thinking about a girl you just met? Did you succumb to your temptation to message her on Facebook with something like”Hello Susan! It was nice talking to you the other day!”? Are you wondering why she’s not responding to you? Because she just put you in the “needy” pile. That’s all it takes–one unwarranted message–and you’re finished. You’re better off not pursuing like this, at all. The only exception is if she’s already crazy about you, then unexpected messages on social media or voice-mails might be OK, but it’s very easy to push it too far.

Proceeding Forward Despite Clear Warning Signs to Stop: Hornyness and desperation are the most common culprits of this dating mistake. If a girl becomes the “psycho girlfriend” meme two hours after meeting her; it’s really best to not keep fanning that flame, (unless you are into psychotic women, which is another issue).

Bringing Up Exes or Other Forbidden Topics: There’s a lot of stuff that you have to remember to just not talk about. Awkward conversational topics can destroy the attraction, especially topics that are brought up too soon. Aside from exes, don’t babble about your job or other boring facts of yourself. Just let her experience your personality.

Not Taking Anything Physical: While it might be a bit intimidating to make that first move and go in for a kiss (and hopefully more), not giving this a shot is a huge dating mistake. Without breaching that barrier, you’re on a one-way train to friend-zone. If she does reject you for kissing her, just brush it off and move onward.

Setting Up a Boring Date: If you decide to go “traditional” and ask her to go to dinner with you, there better be a LOT of chemistry already happening beforehand (which means she’ll be happy no matter WHAT you do with her). Otherwise, expect a lot of chewing and not much interacting. Look for any fun activity with her, even miniature golf is a better bet than going to dinner.

Staking Too Much on Her: Desperation is one of those hidden vices that you won’t even realize is happening. Nonetheless, be careful of putting too much importance on any bird you’re seeing. A lot of times, it doesn’t last that long, so enjoy it while it does–and for goodness sake, don’t act creepy.

Getting Back into the Game: Dating Tips for Men

datingI’m convinced “game” is good for men. When people spend long hiatuses, whether from dry spells due to a work schedule, or a failed relationship that leaves one feeling depressed and unmotivated, then guys experience a lot of bad effects. They become less youthful, less invigorated, and their libido is often wasted on pornography or it simply becomes an unused commodity. I think it leads to bad health, a lack of vigor, and premature aging. In addition, a guy will often need to be “rebooted” and need a fresh course of dating tips for men to get back into the swing of things.

Like most guys, I know what this is like all too well. There is a saying about how people in their late 20s are suddenly far less excited about going out and meeting people, and I think this is mostly because by around age 26 or 27, most have had their share of clubbing and feel “over it”. However, this feeling of apathy is actually related to the ending of one’s first or second serious relationship, and then entering into a kind of funk or depression that sometimes never goes away. For me, combinations of this and heavy workloads have spelled long periods of not doing anything remotely exciting or social.

Of course, I became motivated to be a dating coach because I can recognize these symptoms, and part of the joy of life is overcoming challenges. “Returning to game” is almost periodical for me, coming in waves, with my game often offset by either entering (and ending) a new relationship, or becoming bogged down by work and non-meeting-girls-related-stuff. (In addition, I sometimes find myself just trying to save money by not buying gin and tonics and paying huge cover fees 5 nights a week).

It’s true, however, that some guys are social superheroes–the expert “pickup artists” who go out steady 7 nights a week for years to become the masters of their trade. These guys are a peculiar but amazing oddity, and I don’t really think this extreme is healthy, either. In fact, I’m pretty sure it’s bad to party every single bloody night. There has to be some balance, folks. (Not that I don’t admire these people in an odd way!)

That being said, finding such balance involves pulling yourself OUT OF said dry spells and getting back into the game without allowing a slow period to consume your life and turn you into an aging, depressing, boring old dude. Here’s some tips:

Plan Your Schedule: Here’s a good time to evaluate your schedule. Something I always recommend considering the possibility you are working too much, and evaluating if you even have any free time anymore. If not, it’s time to balance some shit out in your life. If you have to work two jobs to keep up huge car payments, I’m afraid to say it might be time to trade that Lexus in (image is nothing). I really don’t think people should work more than 40 hours a week. If you go past this, you won’t have enough energy to go out and do stuff you WANT to do, like getting back into the game.

Start Jogging or Going to the Gym versus Staying Home: Examine your “me time” and figure out what you’re spending your time doing. Odds are, it involves X-Box Live and / or Game of Thrones on Netflix–a habit I actually highly support (the creative arts and fantasy worlds inspire the human soul to greater potential), but now is not the time for couch-melding. Do anything to get yourself OUT of the house with your blood circulating. This is going to increase your mood, your fitness level, and put you in the emotional state to start meeting people again.

Go Out Alone: (This reminds me to write a post about going out alone) — Now it’s time to get back into the habit of going out, and doing it often. Force yourself out of the house, don’t rely on scheduling with your equally boring friends, and start meeting people. Bars and nightclubs is Plan A, but start mass-joining Meetup.com groups, as well. Your point is to make friends, that’s the best path to meeting girls, as well.

Work Rooms: On the same note, when you do go clubbing, learn to “work rooms”, meeting as many people as you can, shaking hands, and doing what some call “being the mayor”. This is the best way to start meeting and networking without dealing with the high pressure nature of doing “pickup”. Meet everybody, don’t discriminate, and see if new friends will introduce you to ladies. It will happen eventually!

There you have it, these are the big dating tips for men who are getting back into the game again. At least, this covers the “meeting girls” part. A lot more can be spoken of once you’re seeing someone steady again, but I’ll save that for another article ;-) till next time.

When to Call Her, And Other Phone Rules

Girl talking on the phone

Ever since Alexander Graham Bell and Edison first came up with the telecommunications concept, which thrusted modern society into the beginnings of the great age of information (which is currently at its zenith), men from around the world immediately realized the potential to have easier dating lives. However, just as quickly as men discovered the benefit of collecting digits from women, there also came an error of human psychology; women were not always so receptive to that next-day phone-call. And thus, with the age of information came the global crisis of men obsessing about “when to call her”.

The reason women are sometimes less receptive to that all-important next-day phone-call is because it requires a level of commitment that most women simply do not feel after an initial meeting. That, and women are more emotionally centered than men are, so if the emotions she first felt around you, whether joy laughter or ecstasy, are not felt in the moment that she picks up the telephone amidst a splitting a headache, then you’re out of luck, bub!

However, humans continue to procreate as a result of Bell’s most interesting device, so somewhere, somehow, men have figured out when to call her appropriately, how to woo her over the telephone, and successfully schedule an additional meeting. How do they do it? We’ve broken it down for your enjoyment and educational pleasure with these DevelopedMan.com Calling Rules:

Rule #1 Build Up a Lot of Rapport First: Here’s the main reason that most schmucks experience nothing but cold shards of ice during the next-day phone-call; they didn’t properly enter her life first. The idea of serendipity on the street is sadly overplayed by Hollywood, and I’ve never seen it happen. I’ve had great chemistry with women only to have them disappear upon handing over their digits. There’s common threads why this happens: she doesn’t feel like she “knows” you yet. I would not even expect a successful phone interaction unless you spend a minimum of four hours together first.

Rule #2 Don’t Schedule a Date First: Here’s something counter-productive, imagine calling her but NOT scheduling a date. Your aim instead is to have a conversation that’s fun or stimulating. You want her to FORGET that she’s having an awkward “next-day phone-call” with some dude. So, what do you do instead? Well, pick up a conversational thread from the night prior–ask her how her X, Y, Z that you talked about is coming along.

Rule #3 Get Her to Laugh or Feel Silly: Creating banter is a whole topic that could be delved into with much greater detail (perhaps in another article). As we know, playfulness and banter are things you cannot force to happen. If it does occur, however, that’s excellent–allow it and encourage it– fan those flames. Lightheartedness is the key to a woman’s heart, and it immediately lessens the high-pressure dynamic of a phone-call.

Rule #4 Call Her Soon: And now, to answer the grand question of “when to call her” — the answer is actually soon, like the next morning. Yep, ignore what they said in “Swingers”. Why soon? Because the longer you wait, the more AWKWARD it gets (“Oh, it’s the guy from last Thursday, why is he calling me? Oh, god.”)

IN SUMMARY: So, what is a successful phone call? It’s one where it’s done quickly, where there is no pressure and no immediate plans are made, yet you guys bantered for an hour like old friends, chatting about tons of different things, and she suddenly feels comfortable talking to you and she’s hoping you are going to call her again. At such a point, “asking her out” becomes a no-brainer because she wants to see you really badly. Viola.

Why Bad Boys Get Girls, Nice Guys Don’t

I’m About to Reveal Some Harsh Truths About Women and Dating

greaser

Throughout your life, you may have noticed how the “bad boy” always gets the dates. In high school, the rocker or buff athlete with the personality of an alligator could steal that pretty girl you’d been crushing on.

As men, we have to learn to either ADAPT AND CONQUER… or GIVE UP AND WALK AWAY. Either of these options are perfectly fine, but if you want to succeed in the mating game… Then it’s time to ADAPT!

What Are the Secrets That Bad Boys Use to Attract Women?

For most men, the amazing, gorgeous, feminine examples of beauty are completely unobtainable…

You know who I’m talking about:

pickup artist

No matter how much PUA theory you read, it’s like there’s something blocking you from still becoming the man you want to be.

That’s because what you want to be must become INTERNALIZED.

Specifically, there are three main elements of the bad boy archetype that must be internalized in this way. Men who master these concepts will live in sexual abundance, guaranteed:

Attitude

Sexual Confidence

Imagery

If you’re missing one of these, you can’t be a bad boy! You can even have the attitude and confidence down, but a bad boy also has the IMAGE to attract women.

People come to mind like the rapper Pit Bull. Some know exactly how to be bad boys:

pit bull

Guys like this have it down to a SCIENCE.

The look, the swagger, the smirk, the clothes.

And even more importantly, they understand the different types of male archetypes that women identify as bad boy men.

Why Does This Work?

Women are hard-wired to want the pack leader. Some teachers call them “alpha males”. I see it as men who are very masculine who attract the feminine.

It’s like a magnet. Feminine women are pulled toward very masculine men.

Unfortunately, many bad boys are assholes. This is why so many women suffer in their dating lives. Fortunately, you don’t have to be an asshole to be a bad boy.

How Do I Become a Bad Boy?

It’s not an overnight process.

You need to start at the ground level and develop something called your WARRIOR’S PATH. A real bad boy is not just some idiot with a fake image…

The real deal is someone who walks the path, and has something in his life worth dying for.

This is what creates the real core confidence a man needs to transform himself.

Anything less than this, and you’ll be a faker! A whigger by another name – a guy trying to look hard and show off, but who isn’t walking the walk.

If You Have Ongoing Problems With Women, This is Probably the Solution

Very few, if any, programs have tackled the transformation process to turn from an average guy into a bad boy. And no such program has been offered for the cost of a Starbucks mocha.

Attract Women as a Bad Boy has been created by Lucas Elliot (Magnetic PUA) and Cyrus Thomson (How to Become a Powerful, Sexy Man) and it’s a detailed workbook to turn an average dude into the thing women lust after.

How to Flirt: Why it’s Really a Mindset

flirtingFlirting is probably one of the greatest mysteries of the modern world. What is it? How do you do it? It would seem everybody has a different conception about how to flirt, and what it even is. Opinions range from technical descriptions (“maintain eye contact and smile”) to logistics (“brush past her and make physical contact”) to techniques (“tease her”).

I feel wary of all these concepts. In reality, flirting is actually even less complicated than these descriptions. Flirting is really just sexual communication, and the way to do it is entirely dependent on one thing: mutual interest. That’s right, the interest has to be mutual, therefore flirting is not a technique to win a woman’s favor. The equation is simple: a girl is interested in you, you’re interested in her back, and communication should naturally turn to flirting. And, the great news is that flirting can be nearly instantaneous.

When you get in the mindset, knowing how to flirt can be the greatest tool in your arsenal. If the idea is mutual attraction, then the key is to assume there is attraction among the women you want to flirt with, and with this idea firmly rooted in your mind–simply begin a normal interaction, and watch what happens. More often than not, this split second process will result in the truest flirting that will coat your normal words like a beautiful icing.

And, if despite your best effort she does not feel mutually attracted, you’ll know because your communication will not be electrified with that sexual energy. This is fine, just move on. However, as you become more socially acclimated, it will become easier to immediately pick up on a “ping back” of signals, and you’ll be able to even gauge it or increase the tension, as necessary.

The reason I am writing this post is because the other day I was at some cafe out in Beverly Hills. I walked in and, for fun, started telling the cafe girl my order with the assumption that we were both into each other. I did not say or do anything differently, but my all-powerful, unseen “vibe” had changed to one of not just interest in her–but assumed mutual interest between both of us. That’s it. A simple, subtle adjustment of my attitude.

So what happened? She started giggling like somebody ran up behind her and was tickling her. For the entire time she waited on me there was this unspoken “thing” going on between us. It’s really a very “magical” feeling that is priceless. And, the remarkable aspect about flirting is that it requires such little effort to create that spark.

Of course, you DO need to be “confident”, or rather present and in the moment as you assume this mindset. If you walk into a cafe thinking “Ok, I am going to FLIRT now. Time to get ready!” you’ve already blown it because you’re over analyzing!

Your vibe has to be positive, and your head has to be clear. If you’re having trouble doing this, I suggest meditation, visualization, and learning ways to shake off the stress, helping you to interact with people.

The Demonstration of Higher Value – A New Guide

Here’s an acronym you may have heard before: a “DHV”, or a demonstration of higher value. On the topic of seduction, this was (and continues to be) a big deal. It’s the idea of implanting certain “spikes” into your conversation to show your high-quality characteristics without directly stating them—which would be bragging.

Most famously, a person would spin a tale about helping some ex-girlfriend out of a bad situation in order to demonstrate both his pre-selection by other women (the existence of girlfriends) and his ability to look out for loved ones. And, based on further evolutionary psychobabble, these traits activate switches in a woman’s mind that a man is a worthy suitor. Presto, seduction accomplished (or one phase of it, anyway).

Hmmm….

Like a lot of advice created in the seduction community, I’d approach this topic with a grain of salt. If there’s a single thing that made me overthink my “game” back when I was a college sophomore, it was probably this.

Hitting up a lot of clubs in 2006 and 2007, it became obvious when I’d see guys trying to mack on girls after filling their heads with stuff like this:

“Yeah, so I was driving my yacht the other day and you wouldn’t believe what happened, I saw my ex-girlfriend on the shore and she was being attacked by a wild bobcat. So I stopped the yacht and saved her…”

WTF?

I have some news: talking like this is still a form of bragging, anybody with a shred of social acumen can sense it. I doubt it improves your chances with any woman, and if you do meet a lady after concocting DHV laden stories, I’d bet my money your success was unrelated to your technique.

However, the demonstration of higher value is still a real thing, it’s just the actual way to do it was inaccurately described when seduction-celebrity Mystery, or whoever it was, cooked up the idea in the early 2000s.

How to Really Create a Demonstration of Higher Value

The DHV is still a great way to massively improve your success in business, romance, and various other areas, and it’s something I highly recommend doing. It’s just that demonstrating value is not performed in the way that was commonly taught.

In Business and the Social Ladder

The greatest way to move up the social ladder and network with high-rollers is by showing value. The way to do it is twofold:

Treat people Equally: don’t butter up rich or famous people, but aim to be a friend or partner who accepts them unconditionally. So, be an ear of support, and have the ability to listen and offer thoughtful feedback. These are traits not commonly possessed, and the rich and powerful will want these types of people in their social circles. Furthermore, never directly recognize their social status; treating that billionaire CEO like any other normal friend of yours will yield a lot of respect.

Offer Real Utility: Whether in the form of sound-advice or actual services, be happy to help people. Never say you plan to accomplish X, Y, Z. Instead, simply do it, and let them decide if they want to compensate you or not. Through being somebody who acts, and does not talk, you’ll enter the top percentile of valuable people.

In Sex and Romance

Showing value to a woman is a bit different from showing value socially or in business. A high-value man is identified by whether his mannerisms match that of other sexually sought after men.

Non-Attachment: The best DHV in the world is to remain unaffected by a beautiful woman. High-value men may be surrounded by sexual options, so they don’t put unnecessary weight on a particular woman, and as it turns out—women like this. To practice this is as simple as never fawning over a pretty girl and to never hand over one ounce of your power in return for her favor.

Tease: Secondly, you can tease her, but not in a creepy, passive-aggressive or try-hard way: simply communicate with her as an equal, and if the opportunity arises, joke with her. There are tons of resources on the web for learning banter and humor, and this demonstrates value in many powerful ways. This is a true DHV.

What Happens: When a beautiful woman meets a man who’s completely unplugged from traditional social programming about treating her with special attention, like a princess, or any type of clingy behavior, that man becomes extremely interesting to her. So much that within minutes of behaving this way with a gorgeous girl, a puzzled look may appear on her face, followed by rapid attempts to qualify herself (which you can respond to with a bit of reassurance that you enjoy her company).

In Addition: Acts of heroics are definitely a massive value spike when demonstrated versus passively talking about it, but unless you’re Ryan Gosling, I wouldn’t depend on these moments as a way to impress the ladies.

However, through being a good-hearted guy who tries to help out, you can increase your authentic value by helping people in a selfless way—and this definitely won’t harm your success!

In Summary

The demonstration of higher value is actually performed “behind the scenes”, it is never done through hitting somebody over the head with injected lines related to past girlfriends, expensive merchandise or feats of heroism.

On the other hand, actions speak much louder than words. In business, never make empty promises, but always be making a direct impact through offering value, even if it’s just through being great, positive company. In romance, don’t explain your value, but show it by behaving in a way that is attractive. In essence, you must BE it rather than wear it like a cheap costume, and then you will have really great results.

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Sexual Virtues: Apathy

Think about the people you know who are very successful with women, and I’ll bet they all have at least one trait in common: they are indifferent and otherwise unaffected by the women they meet. In addition, they are not emotionally invested in situations or outcomes of most varieties. These are all traits of apathy, which is a key component of success in many areas of your life.

To understand the importance of apathy, consider the power dynamic of any given situation: whether a relationship or a business deal, the person who is willing to walk away has the power. This is a constant. A salesperson has the power when a customer wants to buy something, but the salesperson has a limited supply. The customer has the power when the salesperson wants money, but the customer doesn’t need the product.

When a man wants to have sex with a woman, or otherwise gain her attention or approval, then the woman is the selector, and she has all of the power in that relationship. She may continue to have power throughout the entire course of their relationship, which is rather unhealthy for the man who must continually try to keep her appeased lest he is dumped.

What Apathy is Not

Apathy is not being an emotionless shell, nor is it nihilism. We may call apathetic people “cool”, “carefree”, or “laid back”. Not caring about something is actually the choice of not putting emotional investment into something because you’re aware of the physical and psychic toll that wanting, desire, and neediness can create.

Apathy: the Secret Ingredient of Charm

Even dying a horrible death in outer space can be cool when you don't care.

Even dying a horrible death in outer space can be cool when you don’t care.

I’ve seen a lot of curricula from charm schools, PUA academies, seduction courses, and so forth, and I’m disappointed that I rarely notice such men’s interest groups teaching apathy as a primary source of charm and charisma.

Who’s a really charming guy? Many say “George Clooney” because that’s his stereotype, and it’s true—hell, he’s even charming in “Gravity” where he just floats around space a lot. But what makes him charming? He has a strong gravity (no pun intended) that pulls people toward him. He demands nothing from anybody.

If George Clooney suddenly “wanted” or “needed”: affection, approval, attention, or money, he would no longer have the Clooney-vibe that makes everybody love him. In “Gravity” his character demonstrated this confidence by remaining unaffected to a level that borders absurdity as his team is caught in a field of killer space debris.

By not wanting things, people will feel you are more level-headed than most, and people will feel automatically more comfortable to be around you. By contrast, people who demand things from others, whether material or psychic, are not trustworthy—they always have some trick up their sleeves to siphon energy like a vampire.

As this tendency is eliminated, charm automatically enhances, and people will even think of you as more authentic.

How to be More Apathetic

You have to start by releasing attachment to the outcome of things. Create mental insurance on every aspect of your life: no job? Have an independent income backup plan. No women? Be happy by yourself and stop trying to get sex to be happy. Broke? Try sleeping in your car for a couple of nights to prove you can do it if things get extreme.

The more you know you’ve covered your bases, the easier it is to start caring less and less about the things that normally scare people. So, in a sense, rugged individualism as we call it in America is a key to becoming more indifferent about your circumstances.

Furthermore, the thing most people emotionally depend on is relations to, and attention from, other people. The only way to bypass this is through being happy in your own shoes. Self-acceptance is not an overnight achievement, but as you press toward this goal, it becomes easier and easier to talk to people, take risks, and handle conflict.

It’s one of those things where you’ll only know you have it once you get there. Measure your success in years, not days. Are you more comfortable with yourself now than when you were in high school?

You know you are getting closer to this when insults are less intimidating, other people are no longer taken seriously, and you dwell less on the things people say to you. Furthermore, when attention from a woman—no matter how gorgeous she is—no longer means anything beyond the 5 or 6 seconds you’re enjoying it.

In Summary

Apathy is thus a major sexual virtue. The opposite of apathy is empathy, which is good—we should all care about each other—but empathy can also turn into reactiveness or neediness if it’s left unchecked, and no woman in history has ever said “he’s so reactive and not cool about things, gosh, I want to sleep with him so badly!”.

Finally, apathy is the key to having the power in any type of interaction. If you give your power away easily, you’ll always be at the mercy of other people. If you want to be a Developed Man, you cannot remain weak like this.

How to be Honest and Authentic to Enhance Your Success

How to be honest

Maybe it’s because of a late-stage quarter-life crisis, but as I get older I find myself becoming more honest about the shit that’s wrong with my life. I’ve also discovered the therapeutic nature of coming clean about these faults, and how it seems to enhance my social confidence on a number of levels.

A lack of authenticity means you are lying both to yourself, and to others, about things like your faults or weaknesses. This is a result of a feeling that it’s necessary to cover-up perceived flaws. Often, this is a very conscious effort, stemmed from a belief that other people are greater than you, and it’s necessary to lie to achieve equal footing.

Guys who are very concerned about status, what others think of them, and society’s expectations tend to be the most dishonest and inauthentic types of people. Or, they fall into weird, faux “nice guy” behavior.

In actuality, poor authenticity murders your chances with women. If you’re browsing this site looking for tips on how to meet girls, I’d suggest start by learning how to be honest as a way to jump-start this area of your life. Dishonesty, on multiple levels, creates the vibe of “swarthiness”, which is an attraction killer. Conversely, vulnerability and openness build strong connections.

Here are 9 ways to immediately become more authentic.

Come Clean About Faults through Self Deprecation

On a daily basis, your ego is wrestling with apparent shortcomings, whether they’re social stigmas or insecurities from childhood. The best way to come forward about these things is self-deprecating humor. Don’t overdo it, but if your situation in life is shit and you’re living out of your car, then humorously invite people to your Toyota after-party. In time, you will begin to own your shortcomings, versus allowing them to own you.

Put Yourself at Mercy

Another way your ego prevents you from learning how to be honest is by creating a self-defense system akin to the “Star Wars” program developed by the U.S. government during the Cold War. When people make mistakes, usually the first instinct is to cover it up, or even attack the attacker in a barrage of ego-defense laser-guided missiles.

Instead, when you make even mild mistakes—like at work—put yourself on the line and become the first to quip at your own incompetence. People around you have no reason to be harsh or condemning if it’s obvious you’re very aware of your own shortcomings. By doing this, you’ll never experience the feeling of having to “cover up” your tracks.

Example: “No, I didn’t file the report like you asked, either I’m going crazy, I’m incompetent, or both”…and then, obviously remedy your mistake.

It takes a real man to admit he’s wrong.

Admit to Vices

Another way inauthenticity enters our lives is when we live in the shadows of what we’re afraid to admit we like to do.

While I don’t think it would be a good idea to openly tell your work associates that you enjoy being tied up and spanked like a baby, there are less socially damning vices that you shouldn’t be self-conscious about.

For instance, if you play a lot of video games, fess up about it with people, and never lecture others about similar hobbies. Or, if somebody asked you what you did on Sunday and you spent the day watching reruns of “Married With Children” in your underwear, don’t enthusiastically respond with “I exercised, read some Dostoyevsky, and made a few hundred dollars on the stock exchange” because you feel it’s the most sophisticated or appropriate response.

Instead, tell them the honest-to-God truth, or else you’re deceiving yourself.

Tell People What Bothers You

Your friend tracked some dirt into your house, right after you vacuumed, and it keeps coming back to the forefront of your thoughts. Do you A: conceal it and fester about it, B: yell at them, or C: point it out and ask them to be careful in the future?

“B” and “C” are appropriate responses, but obviously “B” is very reactive and socially uncouth. Nevertheless, hiding your intentions or feelings is another way that people act inauthentic, and so even being harsh is better than festering and saying nothing, otherwise known as conflict avoidance.

Of course, the best tactic is “C”, so grace your disapproval with adequate social skills, and be quick to point out your disappointment.

Avoid Bragging And Compliment Fishing

Bragging operates in the following way: bragger accomplishes a merited task, bragger wonders why there is a lack of recognition for the significant deed, bragger begins to fish for approval, bragger receives approval and feels momentarily satisfied, OR bragger receives apathy or annoyance, and responds with passive aggressive hostility.

The root cause of bragging is insecurity. Everybody wants to feel accepted or to gain recognition, and this is fine (and perhaps it’s one of those vices you should admit to), but the sense of insecurity can run deep into your bloodstream, requiring incessant approval of accomplishments. If this is you, immediately confront yourself about it.

One clever way to brag in an “authentic way” is to state your intentions by prefacing whatever you’re about to brag about with your desire to achieve social feedback, IE: “I’m whoring myself out for approval so here’s the really cool piece of art I made, if anybody wants to comment on it feel free”.

At least this way, you’re not masking your desire for approval.

When the Truth Hurts, Tell it Anyway

The easiest way to learn how to be honest is to state facts even at the risk of confrontation.

Obviously, white lies are necessary at certain points, and you should not forego this practice when it’s necessary. However, do you ever find yourself lying just to avoid minor confrontations about things? Examples: “Yeah, I paid the electric bill” “Yup, I changed the oil after I borrowed your car, just like you asked” “I’m on a diet now, I swear” “No, I don’t think you gained weight over the summer, at all” “It’s your baby”

(Joking about the last one, obviously).

The funny thing about being honest is that sometimes people get pissed off at first, but in the long run you earn their respect. As an experiment, I made a policy with my last girlfriend to “never lie”, which would mean doing unthinkable things like telling her if she gained some weight or needed to put on makeup. We fought a lot at first, but later on our relationship became extremely trustworthy (and remains so today, actually, even after we had to separate because of distance. I’m still the guy she can ask about anything in the world and receive honest answers).

Do What You Say, No Matter What

Everybody knows “that guy” who is all talk, and nothing to show for it. Sometimes it’s on big levels (“I’m starting a business and it’s going to soar!”) or micro levels (“I’m doing my laundry today, I swear!”) but either way, whatever they say just doesn’t get done, and their promises become as hollow as their pitiful results.

Don’t be that guy. The best way to avoid this behavior is avoid any type of promise you feel reservations about. In addition, complete tasks without the expectation of approval. To be the type of guy who shows versus tells is going to create massive success in your life.

In my worldly experience, places like Los Angeles and Las Vegas are filled with people who make entire careers out of empty promises, and quality people can’t stand them!

Avoid Routines and Gambits

The more your social life is held up by the crutches of routines and fake personalities, the more it will eventually suffer.

Many people who constitute the currently small reader-base of Developed Man are friends or acquaintances in the seduction community, and sometimes these people become accustomed to the idea of scripted material and lines to meet women.

Actual, popular guys don’t need to do this kind of stuff. Over time, those routines become affixed to your personality, and your presentation morphs into something as fake as a three dollar bill.

Avoid this.

Put Your Feelings on the Line

So, as I explained at the beginning of this article, I’ve learned the therapeutic nature of putting yourself “out there” versus covering up weaknesses or flaws. Obviously, it’s not a good idea to be constantly weeping around everybody, but from time-to-time you should just come clean with friends and family about what’s working in your life, and what isn’t.

You’ll find most people are sharing similar plights as you are. Whether it’s a lack of money, relationships, or the crushing weight of comparing your dreams versus short term necessity, the human experience is surprisingly familiar among all who participate in it, and there are a lot of people willing to help you along the way when you learn how to be honest with yourself.

What Do You Think?

I just finished installing a Facebook component of Developed Man, which means you should now be able to add notes directly from your FB page by scrolling down to the comments field. If you find this article interesting, feel free to share your thoughts. If you disagree with it, I’d also like to hear from you.

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Thanks for reading!

A Look at Nice Guys Who Are Really Assholes

A lot has been written about “nice guys”—from the famous Robert Glover book “No More Mr. Nice Guy” to countless lectures by top relationship coaches like David Wygant, David DeAngelo and plenty of others. The consensus is that “nice guys” are not really so nice at all and that they tend to have manipulative tendencies.

The reason for all of this attention to the adjective of “nice” is that it’s continually thrown around by guys and girls alike to describe idyllic male characteristics, and / or pushovers that are unattractive and unappealing: “He’s a nice guy” “I should date more nice guys” “I’m a nice guy, honest” “Why am I not attracted to nice guys and I only have sex with bad boys?”, and so forth.

To explore this issue further than what’s already been written about it, then it’s important to figure out what the adjective “nice” really means: pleasing, agreeable, or delightful. This is used to contrast male behavior with somebody who is, perhaps, loud, obnoxious, annoying, boisterous, arrogant, rude, impolite, or mean spirited.

According to some deluded advice, being a “nice guy” is so terrible that you should actually be an obnoxious fucking jackass as a proper alternative. Pumped up on testosterone, a lot of guys go through a phase like this in their teens and early twenties where they act crazy, uncaring and arrogant–up until they begin to realize how that behavior just doesn’t fly in the real world, and results in stuff like being fired or getting divorced.

The advantage to being a “nice guy” versus a jerk is that it means having the social skills necessary to come across in a pleasant way around people. Obviously, nobody likes to keep the company of anyone who puts others down.

Although being nice reaps less success than being a pushy bastard, it does result in a type of social back-and-forth approval from people, which is intoxicating in its own right. Th feeling that someone is “nice” stems from a reaction to our own internal emotions; somebody who’s pleasing, agreeable and delightful elicits short bursts of approval or comfort. This is, of course, a better feeling than being challenged or called-out by so-called “assholes”. So, it must be good, right?

The problem is that a world that’s agreeable and pleasant is a world that’s not conducive to the powerful forces of change. A person steeped in poor behavior, illusion or ignorance requires the power of conflict and disagreement to be set straight. One who adapts his behavior to continually flow with the linear path of the stream will not create enough force to push through the darkness in life. Therefore, many “nice guys” are of the “pushover” variety: the types of guys who would bend over backwards for the wrong types of people, and could be easily swayed into bad or even criminal behavior amidst their effort to please people. These types of guys act this way in an attempt to siphon as much approval as they possibly can, out of as many people as possible. It’s a tactic.

Further, the feeling of short-lasting approval that some people feel in the presence of a “nice guy” is also exploitable by talented actors. These are the infamous sociopathic nice guys. A swarthy salesperson, politican, or world-leader may exhibit these behaviors, but so may a guy who’s faking that he’s “boyfriend material” in a sleazy attempt to manipulate a woman into bed with him.

Both sociopathic “nice guys” and pushover, doormat “nice guys” are using fake behaviors to consciously further their own ends. However, there’s another “nice guy” to beware of: those who fake pleasant behavior without even realizing that they’re being fake.

Nice As Holier-Than-Thou Behavior

Even worse than people who put on fake fronts are guys who become self-assured they are “nice” as a response to perhaps psychological childhood damage, and have managed to fool themselves, as well as people around them. You may hear them say things like: “I’m not mad” “I never get mad” “I never yell” “I’m not yelling” “I’m not upset” “I’m a nice guy”—and they proceed to try and control you, manipulate you, and secretly hold grudges against you. This is the infamous passive aggressive personality, and it’s not fun to deal with.

This type of behavior is a result of people who are afraid of their own emotions, and have attributed their poor experiences in life toward people who are “not nice” and they are desperately trying to prove to the world they are not one of those people. Meanwhile, what they’re really doing is becoming a new type of terrible person—but now they’re doing it with a smile.

These are among the worst people to work with, have as managers, or to date.

Authentic People Are Not Always Pleasing or Accommodating

And now we get to the main point: high-quality people are identifiable because they don’t make the mistake of trying to keep people happy around them, all the time. They also remain at peace with concepts of conflict, enough to not need fake personas.

For one example, would a high quality man try to make a bad person happy? No. There is no reason to be generous in this nature to somebody who will only corrupt those good feelings.

Instead, a virtuous man is ready to accept—and deliver—conflict. As such, he does not tip-toe around these prospects. He may “tell it like it is” at any occasion under the sun, and he is not paralyzed by fear of rejection or disapproval.

At the same time, his honesty and strength of mind is done in combination with other virtues—open mindedness and general empathy, so he’s not tainted by mean-spiritedness or cynicism as he deals with people. He’s never walking into a social situation with a dark cloud over his head, passing judgments or approaching situations with pessimism.

When somebody possesses these virtuous characteristics along with an attitude that refuses to shy away from conflict, then what is created is a trait known as leadership.

Doormat “nice guys”, sociopathic “disguised nice guys”, and passive aggressive “nice guys” are not leaders, but are all emotionally unbalanced people who are either completely undeveloped or extremely self-centered and with little regard for the group or the community.

In addition, the blatantly disrespectful, gloomy, self-serving bastard who hates everybody and yells a lot is NOT a leader, either. Although, at the very least, he’s a bit more honest about the type of person he is, and is ultimately a lot easier to deal with.

So Who’s Really Mr. Nice Guy?

So, the “nice guys” are terrible models in business and love, just as the bastards and grim, cynical control-freaks also make life miserable. Obviously neither example is very “nice”. So, just who IS nice, really?

Oddly enough, it’s the authentic types of guys who become the ones who are really “nice”. I say this in the sense that they become “nice to be around”. There’s no lingering feeling in the backs of people’s minds that there’s something “off kilter” about their personalities. The more congruent a man is, the more he becomes “smooth” and the things that he says are more powerful.

This is pretty much the only type of guy to strive to become

So Do These Nice Guys Finish Last?

Now, you can stretch the “niceness” definition to include whether people possess empathic characteristics. The long-standing premise in society is that people who are NOT empathic, but are the sociopathic types—whether it is performed with a smile and the visage of niceness, or a snarky grimace—are the people who always get the last laugh, the job, or the girl.

The truth is… that this is a true concept! In fact, sociopathic, non-empathic people are more “successful” because the lack the emotional concepts required to feel bad when doing unto others allows them to manipulate, backstab, cheat and steal their ways to the top.

In the same breath, people also end up “on top” for the exact opposite reasons: through virtuous behavior, caring about people beneath them, supporting everybody around them, and being strong when it counts, without avoiding conflict. I notice in positions of power and leadership, I see both examples. Unfortunately, sometimes it’s not easy to identify who is who because the sociopathic types are the same “chameleon nice guys” who are great at pretending to be virtuous as a method of furthering their own ends—the trademark politician with a big smile and holding a baby, then when the sun goes down they’re snorting glittery designer cocaine off the tits of B-list pornstars while accepting massive bribes from lobbyists.

The dark side of the force truly yields quicker results. These types of people make it big, and this might be what spurs a man from a developmental age to grow into the next Gordon Gecko. However, what is often forgotten is that “bad guys” crash hard as their ruinous habits catch up with them. There are a lot of examples of this throughout history, from Enron executives to murderous rulers and royal families of antiquity who drown in their excess or end up staring at a bucket from under the shadow of a guillotine.

So, the moral or what I’m trying to say is that even the sociopathic “nice guy” who is actually walking over people, will ultimately fail. In addition, the guy who crushes his competition without regard for anybody and does not attempt to front a “nice guy” visage will, in the end, also fail.

“Nice” Is an Improper Definition

One final thought: “nice” is clearly being thrown around too indiscriminately. So, we have “nice guys” who are really creepy / unnerving / passive aggressive, nice guys who are human doormats and afraid of displeasing anybody, plus “nice guys” who are actually hiding evil sociopathic behavior. Finally, there are genuinely good natured people who are authentic, and are thus nice in their own ways.

When a woman says she wants a “nice guy” she’s probably referring to the last example. Yet, a self-described “nice guy” could also be one of the other three types, as well!

As you can imagine, there is a major problem of semantics going on. What’s needed are new, easy-to-remember adjectives for the types of “nice guys” that nobody really wants to be, while the term “nice guy” to reference authentic men has been too corrupted by the other examples to still be applicable. So, the genuine “nice guys” need a new definition, also.

Any examples come to mind? Are there any new adjectives for any of these personality types that we can start using? Please post your thoughts on the comments below (DevelopedMan.com has now enabled Facebook comment posting—so feel free to share your ideas).

The Signs She’s Interested in You – The Ultimate Guide

signsshesinterested

There is a clear definition of failing at “game”, or not living up to the proper standards of a man. It does not involve getting laid X number of times, having the most beautiful girlfriend in your city, or other unattainable, outcome-dependent goals. Failure in this sense is allowing opportunities to pass you by; or to be socially oblivious to the signs she’s interested in you. This is something you can directly change for the positive, and if you don’t–you’re in trouble.

This is because failing in this area means losing the vast majority of opportunities with women, and probably even pissing a lot of girls off who are otherwise trying to get with you. In my life, there was a time when I was socially oblivious to the signals that girls sent to me. When I was 20 / 21, I remember a beautiful girl in my apartment complex with incredible eyes, always trying to invite me out to some type of campus outing. I never paid much attention to her because, of all things, I believed she wasn’t serious and I wasn’t worthy! This is because of years of brainwashed behavior and a lack of confidence.

Today, things are different. I can immediately pick up on signals, and I never let opportunities pass me by. The only time I ever felt like I’ve “failed” at game is back when I was stupid enough to ignore the signals of women, although even today sometimes I’ll still miss an opportunity and smack myself in the face for it after. It happens to everybody, so just don’t make it into an ongoing habit.

To prevent yourself from making these egregious mistakes, I’ve created a complete list of IOI’s (Indicators of Interest) that women may present at any time, plus some analysis—including how you should respond.

Indicator of Interest 1: Playing With Her Hair

There’s a bunch of evolutionary psychobabble about why girls do this; related to our primate ancestors who would comb themselves to show they are ready to be groomed by a male ape. Whether this is true or not, women tend to touch their hair while they talk to guys they like; and it may just be a result of a girl becoming self-conscious of her hair because she wants the guy to be attracted to her, and she subconsciously fixes her appearance. What to Do: Keep talking to her, because she likes you and is attracted at that moment. Take her hand in yours or touch her on the shoulder.

Indicator of Interest 2: Face Close to Yours

Here’s a clear signal a girl is turned on: her face is near yours, by even an inch closer than “normal”. If this occurs in a nightclub, it means she wants you to kiss her. What to Do: if it’s a club, then kiss her! If it’s on a date, then push it by drawing closer and figuring out where her comfort level is, and kiss her if she allows you to come into her airspace and there’s clear chemistry.

Indicator of Interest 3: She’s Talking to You

Yes, this is an IOI! If a girl is going out of her way to initiate conversation with you, it’s because she enjoys your company and is trying to get you stay around. What to Do: Keep the conversations going, and spike it with some fun or exciting topics related to love, sex and romance.

Indicator of Interest 4: She’s Touchy, Feely

This is when a girl runs up to you, hugs you, grabs your arm a lot, and so forth. This is an invitation. If you don’t respond to this with at least a bit of sexual intent, you may be hurdled into the friend zone vortex of death. What to Do: Respond to the touch: spin her around, pull her close to you, aim for close face-to-face proximity, and if she allows that, then kiss her.

Indicator of Interest 5: She Asks What You’re Doing Later

Sometimes a girl will ask this out of the blue, and as a socially unintelligent guy my thought used to be “Why is she asking this question?” and I’d respond with some dumb shit. In reality, she’s asking you this because she wants you to ask her out with you right then and there, or she wants to go home with you. What to Do: Assume she wants to hook up with you, so say “Well I’m going to chill at my place, I don’t have any problems if you come by after 8 I suppose.”

Indicator of Interest 6: Proximity

This is when a stranger walks up to you and stands close to you, even while she’s facing her friends and chatting with them. This is rarely unintentional. What to Do: Touch her shoulder, lean over and ask how her night is going, or introduce yourself.

Indicator of Interest 7: She Hands You Her Drink to Sip

Seen this one more than a few times, and it’s interesting: what she’s doing is breaking the “cootie barrier” and showing how she’s comfortable getting intimate with you. Don’t ignore it. What to Do: If it’s a sucker, lollipop or food, it means she wants to make out with you. If it’s a drink, it’s a bit more subtle, but I’d respond by putting my arm around her waist and keeping it there, escalating the physical sexual tension a bit, and eventually aim to kiss her. Also, keep sharing that drink back and forth!

Indicator of Interest 8: She Brightens Up When You Approach Her

As you approach multiple women in a venue: the ones who seem to “shut down” as you approach them will generally waste your time and remain icy to your company. But, sometimes you’ll meet a girl and her eyes will go wide and she’ll be really happy to meet you. This means various subliminal, psychic connections somehow made you guys a “match” and she immediately expressed it. What to Do: Do NOT sever the conversation. Push forward. This is her invite to talk to her.

Indicator of Interest 9: She’s Qualifying Herself

When a woman is “giving away her value” by trying to explain how she’s a good girlfriend, a good lover, a good person to date—then what she’s doing is expressing her interest to get romantically involved with you, and she views you as the selector—a high value male. What to Do: If you DO like her in return (and that’s a big “if”!) then express how you like the qualities she’s insecure about, and then—you guessed it, take things to the next level by escalating the touch and hopefully kissing her sooner than later.

Indicator of Interest 10: She Smiles at You

What motivation does a woman have to smile at a guy if it’s not because she’s attracted to him in some way? There is none! A smile is like a cry for help—she sees you, wants to initiate something, but doesn’t know how. What to Do: You could say “I like your smile, I’m X X, what’s your name?” or any other type of direct approach. In this case, you have to be aggressive, or else the smiling girl on the street will quickly pass you by. So be FAST!

In Closing

The important thing to remember is that you can’t force a woman to feel attracted to you and to begin expressing these signs she’s interested. The mistake a lot of men make is that they think they can “win” a girl by repeatedly beating the drum with “pickup techniques” until she starts to warm up. In reality, repeated studies have shown that women determine if they like you within seconds of meeting you. Only sometimes will they warm up after a date or after they have spent more time with you, but more often than not if there’s no signals at first, then there won’t be anything later on.

If at any point a girl begins showing these signs she’s interested in you, then do NOT make the mistakes I used to make—do not ignore them or second-guess them. Always act on them. Doing anything less would be betraying your own integrity.

Finally, keep in mind the best way in the world to meet women is to look for these signals as early as possible, and then stick with the girls who like you. Wasting your time with people who feel mediocre about your presence will not accomplish anything for anybody.